Never Say Goodbye

Blaine locked himself in his room the moment they got home. Kurt could hear him sobbing through the wooden door, but he was unable to go to him and comfort him as much as he really wanted to. Blaine was pushing him away again, just when it felt like Kurt was getting him back again.

I don't think that he was ready for that yet, Kurt sighed, running his fingers back through his hair. He sat with his back against Blaine's door, waiting in hopes that Blaine would let him in, though he knew that his hopes were futile. But then again, it's good that he's getting some memories back... I just wish that they didn't have to be those memories.

Kurt inwardly shuddered as he thought about what Blaine must have remembered. Attempting to commit suicide was something that no one should have to relive twice.

"Blaine?" Kurt called out cautiously, noting how the sobbing had subsided.

"Go away!" Blaine yelled at him. He must have thrown something against the door because there was a suddenly thump against Kurt's back, making him jump away from the door. It didn't sound like anything had broken, so Kurt guessed that he must have thrown a pillow or something soft at the door as opposed to a hard, breakable vase.

Kurt was suddenly very glad that no one else was home to witness Blaine's breakdown.

"Blaine-" Kurt tried again.

"Leave me alone!" Blaine cried as another thump hit the door. Kurt was pretty sure now that he was throwing pillows.

At least he's not throwing anything breakable, Kurt sighed, standing up and stepping away from the door.

"Ok, I'm going," Kurt called out, backing away from the door. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs." He got no response, but he was pretty sure that Blaine had heard him so he quickly turned and went back downstairs. He didn't go to his room. Instead, he went into the living room and flopped down on the couch. This was turning out to be harder than he had expected.

Oh and what did you expect? his subconscious sneered at him. That you would bring him home, nurse him back to health, and things would be all hunky-dory and everyone would live happily ever after? No! This isn't a fairytale! This is reality! In reality, not everyone gets better. Do you really think that Blaine will ever be okay again?

Kurt shut his eyes, trying to block out the uncomfortable thoughts. Blaine was going to get better. He had to get better. But yet he still couldn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach that there was a possibility that Blaine wouldn't regain all of his memories.

What if that's the only memory he ever regains? Kurt suddenly panicked. What if all he will ever remember about me is that because of me, he tried to kill himself? It wasn't like Blaine was ever going to forget that. He would have that constant reminder on his arm for the rest of his life.

Kurt's thoughts were suddenly cut off as his cell phone started to ring, slightly startling it. He quickly pulled it out, smiling at he saw the name on the Caller ID.

"Hey, Cooper," he greeted, answering the phone.

"Hey, Kurt" Cooper's voice floated into his ear. "I'm on break from shooting and I thought that I'd call and see how everything is going. How's Blaine? Any improvements?" Kurt let out a heavy sigh.

"He was doing better, until today," Kurt explained. "He wanted to go visit McKinley, so I took him. Everything was going so well until the New Directions started to sing to him. I guess the words of the song must have triggered something because the next thing we know, he blacked out and when he woke up again, he started freaking out. Coop, he remembered trying to commit suicide. He started to panic because his mind remembered not being able to breathe. As soon as we got home, he locked himself in his room. He's been there ever since."

Cooper remained silent throughout Kurt's explanation.

"Coop?" Kurt said, making sure that he was still on the line.

"I'm here," Cooper replied softly. "Can I... Can I talk to him? Do you think that you can get the phone to him?"

"I can try," Kurt sighed, getting up and going back upstairs again.

"Blaine," he called out softly, lightly knocking on the door. "Cooper's on the phone. He wants to talk to you." Within seconds, the door flew open to reveal a red-eyed Blaine. Without a word, Kurt handed him the phone, which Blaine eagerly took before closing the door in Kurt's face again. As he turned away to go back downstairs, he heard Blaine's shaky voice.

"Coop?" his voice sounded broken. Kurt felt as if his heart was being squeezed. He couldn't breathe. How could Blaine, who had always been so strong and sure, sound so weak?

"I'm scared, Coop," Blaine's voice continued. "I want to go home." That broke Kurt even more. Suppressing a sob, Kurt quickly hurried away from the door, all the way downstairs to his room, where he immediately threw himself onto his bed and started crying.

It was so hard to hold it all in all of the time, hold back everything that he was feeling. He had to keep his emotions in check when he was around Blaine because he had to be the strong one, for both of them. But now that he was alone in his room, he let it all out.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine," he sobbed into his pillow. "I should have answered your call. I should have forgiven you. I shouldn't have pushed you away." Kurt laid there, crying, until he was too exhausted to cry any longer, finally letting sleep take him away from the reality that he wished that he could escape.

An hour later, Blaine cautiously made his way downstairs to return Kurt's phone to him. Talking to Cooper had improved his spirits. He definitely felt better than he had an hour ago. Cooper hadn't always been there for him, but he was making up for it now and for that, Blaine was grateful. It was nice to have someone to talk to that he actually knew.

"Kurt?" Blaine called out, peeking into the living room. It was empty. He slowly padded down the hallway to the kitchen, which he also found empty. Blaine started to feel anxious as he wandered around the house, trying to find Kurt, but coming up empty. He had cleared the first floor when he suddenly stopped at the top of the stair leading downwards.

Kurt did say that his room was downstairs, Blaine recalled, looking down the dark stairway. He had never actually gone down to Kurt's room, almost afraid of what he would find. He has to be down there, though. He wouldn't have left me alone here.

Taking a deep breath, Blaine slowly made his way down the stairs.

"Kurt?" he called out softly. He peeked into the room at the bottom of the stairs, instantly relaxing as he spotted Kurt, fast asleep, on the large bed. Blaine started to smile as he watched Kurt's sleeping form, but then frowned suddenly as he realized there was something odd about how Kurt was lying. He slowly crept the rest of the way down the stairs and moved over to the side of the bed, getting a better view of Kurt's face, which was half buried in his pillows. And was red and puffy.

He's been crying! Blaine realized suddenly with alarm. Why was he crying? Is it because of me? This last thought made Blaine frown again. Kurt seemed to care a lot about him. And Blaine kept pushing him away. Is that why you're sad? he asked the sleeping man, who obviously did not reply. Blaine sighed unhappily as these new worries danced inside of his head. Why did this have to be so complicated?

Maybe it would have been better if I had never woken up, Blaine sighed dejectedly. Then no one would have to be put through this.

Kurt suddenly shifted in his sleep, making his hair fall down in front of his face. Blaine carefully reached out to brush the hair away, his fingers lightly brushing against Kurt's skin as he did so.

"Blaine," Kurt mumbled softly, making Blaine freeze. But when Kurt didn't say anything else, Blaine relaxed. He was still sleeping. He was just sleep talking.

Blaine's eyes trailed down from Kurt's closed ones to fall on his lips. They looked so pink and soft. Blaine almost couldn't fight the sudden urge to lean down and kiss those lips. Blaine quickly shook his head, taking a step back, as if in fear that Kurt would suddenly sit up and try to kiss him. He took another couple small steps back away from the bed, until his back bumped against the dresser.

I need to get out of here, Blaine decided, suddenly glancing down at the phone in his hand. It was the reason he had come down here in the first place. Return the phone, then return to his room. That had been the plan. But plans often change. As Blaine turned around to set the phone down on the dresser, a small, red box caught his eye.

What is this? he wondered, picking up the small box as he set the phone down. On the top of it was a little golden bow, reminding Blaine of a little Christmas present. His curiosity soon got the best of him and so he opened the box. Inside was the oddest ring that he had ever seen.

It was made completely of what looked like a kind of bubble gum wrapper, Juicy Fruit, if he was not mistaken, with a little red bow tie on the front of it. He carefully reached a finger out to touch it, awe and confused by the small trinket. Why Kurt had kept something like this, Blaine couldn't even fathom why. But then, as his fingers enclosed around the ring, it hit him.

He was reaching into his satchel, quickly pulling out the small box to present to Kurt, who was standing in front of him.

"I know that our relationship has reached a new level this year," he smiled, holding the box in both of his hands. "So-"

"If that's an engagement ring, my answer is yes!" Kurt exclaimed quickly, cutting Blaine off as his eyes widened excitedly.

"Kurt, just open the box," Blaine chuckled softly, handing him the box. Blaine watched as Kurt opened the box to reveal the small paper ring, noting how Kurt's eyes filled with awe and surprise as he realized what it was.

"It's a promise ring," Blaine explained. "I made it out of gum wrappers, Juicy Fruit-"

"Wrigley's," Kurt exclaimed softly. "My favourite." He took a deep breath to control the emotions that danced across his face. "Aw, is that a bow tie?"

"Mhmm," Blaine nodded, smiling proudly.

"B-But what are you promising?" Kurt asked, looking a little confused.

"To always love you," Blaine replied softly. "To defend you, even if I know you're wrong. To surprise you. To always pick up your phone call, no matter what I'm doing. To bake you cookies, at least twice a year. And to kiss you where ever and whenever you want." This comment made Kurt smile and blush shyly, quickly glancing around to see if anyone else had heard Blaine.

"But mostly," Blaine continued, pulling Kurt's attention back. "Just to make that you remember how perfectly imperfect you are."

The vision disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared, leaving Blaine slightly breathless. He quickly dropped the box back down onto the dresser and took a step away from it.

What was that? Blaine wondered, staring at the box. The lid had snapped shut when he had dropped it, hiding the ring from his sight. Was that another memory? This was becoming a little too much for Blaine. Two memories in one day, memories that didn't make sense, that were from a life he didn't remember ever living.

Blaine buried his face in his hands. This was all too confusing!

"Blaine," Kurt called out suddenly, making Blaine jump. He quickly spun around to face Kurt, who was still lying on the bed. Fast asleep. Blaine slowly crept closer to confirm that Kurt was, indeed, still asleep.

He's dreaming about me, Blaine realized suddenly, smiling slightly. He couldn't understand why, but Blaine felt a bit of comfort from the knowledge that Kurt dreamt about him. It made him feel like someone really did care about him.

Something he had said to Kurt in his vision/memory thing suddenly echoed through his ears.

"To always love you."

Blaine had told Kurt that he loved him? But he barely even knew him!

Not right now, at least, Blaine thought as he carefully sat down on the bed beside Kurt again, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest as he slept. But I did. Or at least I think I did. That's what everyone keeps telling me... Blaine felt a sudden urge to curl up beside Kurt and cuddle into his embrace. He wanted to feel that warmth and protection of someone beside him.

No! Blaine quickly jumped to his feet and backed away from the bed. I don't know who I was or how I felt, but I'm not that person anymore. I don't know him. I don't love him. I can't. Blaine quickly backed towards the stairs, his eyes never leaving Kurt. He paused at the bottom of the stairs, and stared hard at Kurt, willing himself to remember something else, something more.

"I'm sorry," he whispered softly. "But I can't. I just can't."