Get Your Kicks

With Taylor, Brenna, and Darcy left to one room and Elle and I in the other, our room was quiet. There was an obvious tension, but it wasn’t between the two of us. There was something insane happening in both of our lives and neither of us really wanted to talk about it.

Somehow our simple trip had suddenly become so difficult and it was like there was nothing either of us could do about it. We were both struggling in our own right, and it felt like the world was slowly sucking the air from our bubbles.

I was certain that I should have talked to Elle about whatever was eating her up inside, but I just couldn’t do it. Darcy probably would have done it. Brenna definitely would have done it. Taylor wouldn’t have given a shit either way. But, I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t sure if it was because I had problems of my own or because I felt like I was the last person on a list of very qualified people to help with relationship problems, but I just couldn’t do it.

The silence got to be too much for me, and though it was probably the exact wrong thing to do, I needed to get away.

“I’m gonna go grab something to eat,” I said, more to the air than to Elle herself. “You want anything.”

She shook her head, sniffling a little. “That’s alright.”

I knew that she probably needed to eat, so I decided I’d pick something up for her anyway, more to ease my guilty conscience than anything else.

After stuffing my room key into my pocket, I headed out the door as quickly as I could, hoping some fresh air would help calm me down. It was midday, so I knew the strip would be crowded, and to be honest, a crowd was the last thing I wanted to deal with at that moment, but I didn’t have much choice.

Sighing to myself, I made my way towards the elevator, passing the other girls’ room on the way. I thought about poking my head in to see if they wanted anything, but then thought my good dead with Elle was probably enough to good karma to last me a while.

Of course, I was proven wrong when the elevator door slid open, revealing Zayn on the other side. He looked surprised to see me, just like I was to see him, and his mouth hung open for a moment before he finally spoke.

“Healey, what a coincidence,” he said, shuffling in this shoes. “I was just coming to check on you.”

I chuckled. “Check on me? I’m not a baby, Zayn. I don’t need checking in on.”

In reality, I wanted nothing more to turn on my heels and walk back to my room, shutting the door behind me. But, Elle was waiting for me in there, and by now she was probably crying, so I didn’t know which was worse. Probably Zayn, though.

He didn’t appear to listen to what I had said and spoke quickly. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

No. That was probably what I should have said. Just plain no. I shouldn’t have given him the time of day, especially after everything he’d done to me. Really, it had been partially my fault, because I knew he had a girlfriend when I kissed him, but it was his fault too. He kissed back.

After a long, drawn out sigh, I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess so.”

He nodded, giving me a soft smile, and I hopped into the elevator, not really sure where we were going.

“My room okay?” he asked. “Harry left to visit Darcy so it’s empty.”

Going into a room alone with Zayn seemed like an awfully bad idea, but I couldn’t help but nod and he pressed the button to the fifteenth floor, sending the elevator shooting up the five stories to his room.

We stepped off the elevator quietly, neither of us having spoken a word since our agreement, and we slipped into his room just as silently.

His room was quiet – too quiet – and I almost begged him to turn on the television, but before I could, he was spewing out words faster than I could pick them up.

“Listen, Healey, I’m really sorry about what happened,” he said, sitting down at the foot of the bed. He patted the space next to him and I quickly sat beside him, eager to listen to his word vomit. He paused for a second, taking a deep breath. “Everything is just a complete and utter mess. I don’t understand any of it.”

He paused again and I wondered if he was done speaking, but before I could say anything, he opened his mouth again.

“One day Perrie and I will be happy and everything is as perfect as the first time we met,” he continued. “And then the next it’s like I’m the worst person on the planet and I can’t do anything right. She complains about how I do this and that. I don’t pay her enough attention. We don’t see each other enough. It’s always the same arguments over and over, and nothing I do ever solves the problem. I don’t know what to do, Healey. I really don’t.”

My first thought was something along the lines of when did I become your damn therapist?. But I guess that happened the moment I’d side stepped into his relationship so secretly. When we kissed, I somehow became tangled up in whatever mess he had created. I wasn’t just a bystander anymore. I was part of the problem. I was a sign of his infidelity.

Truth be told, I knew that if Zayn really loved Perrie, he probably wouldn’t have cheated on her with me, but I couldn’t say that. I wasn’t really in any place to judge his relationship, even though I had made myself a part of it.

I couldn’t just tell him that he shouldn’t be so unhappy with someone he was supposed to love. I had to let him figure that out on his own.

“You have to do what makes you happy, Zayn.”

It was all I could manage to say, and I wasn’t sure it was going to be enough. If nothing else, it was a gently shove in the right direction.

“You make me happy, Healey.” He paused for a moment, tearing his gaze away from mine to look at the floor. “But she makes me happy too.”

I sighed, not really knowing what else to say. “Go with your gut then.”

Zayn gave another long paused, biting his lip until it turned red. He looked more lost in thought than I had ever seen him and I couldn’t bring myself to tear him away.

After what felt like a century, Zayn finally looked over at me, his face more confused than anything else. He batted his eyes and moved his hand slowly to place it over my knee.

The second his skin touched my skin, I knew what was going to happen and I was powerless to stop it.