When Night Breaks

Samantha Rayne Nayn was by far the most intriguing person I had ever met. Her family had a Cherokee bloodline, deep in the North Carolina mountains. Her unique middle name came from a great-great-grandmother. I was envious of such a rich family history, when my own was marred with tragedy.

Her hair was ash blonde, with a natural wave that hung long down her back. Her skin was light, with a touch of olive that served as her only tan. She was able to make me laugh; even at times I’m sure she wasn’t even trying. We spent countless nights together, getting to know the quirks about each other. The nighttime version of me didn’t scare her, and for once I felt normal; like a human. I was attracted to her in such a way that most words could not describe. I had never believed in soul mates, especially not for me. But with Samantha, my negative thoughts on love seemed to disappear like vapor rising high to the sky when the sun draws it in. I wasn’t used to being around people much, and the years of being secluded showed. But Samantha was always more than patient with me. I had assumed she liked me too, but I would have never asked her to put her life on hold for someone she had to hide from the world.

One night, sitting on the roof of her apartment building, she mentioned going on a date with someone, although she swore it wasn’t really a “date”.

“So, my chemistry partner is this little guy named Shane. He’s really quiet and pretty awkward. Anyway, Lacey and I were going to go to the Rush this weekend --” I stopped her short, mid sentence.

“What’s the Rush?” Sometimes, she talked assuming I knew everything about the outside world.

“Oh, my bad. It’s like this big festival thing at the school. Anyway, Lacey wants me to ask Shane to go. But not like on a date, just as friends.”

“Sounds like fun, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.” As selfish as it sounded, I was jealous of this geeky boy named Shane. I didn’t think Samantha had any true feelings for him, but since neither of us had openly talked about our relationship, it was only natural for her to want a normal boyfriend.

“I mean, would that like, bother you?” I felt the awkward tension building between us.

“No. It’s totally fine. I mean, we aren’t like..” I didn’t finish. I seen Samantha’s eye shift to the ground.

“I mean, unless…I don’t know.” I stood up and breathed in deep the cool air.

“What are we, Jay?” She asked.

“I don’t know Samantha. I know what you are. I know what I am. But I don’t know what we are put together.” I answered her honestly.

“What am I?” She stood up and walked over to my side.

“You’re…” I had a million words I could have used, but none seemed to be good enough, and none came out of my lips. I turned and looked in her eyes.

“You’re amazing. You’re…you’re stunning. And you’re kind.” I could feel the warmth that was inside of her in that moment and I closed my eyes as I allowed it to warm me also.

“Then what does that make you? Because I am none of those things.”
I opened my eyes, and spoke the cold truth.

“I’m a monster.” Samantha had no idea how true that statement was. But still, she reached up and touched my face.

“A monster? No. Monsters are people who hurt others just because they can. Monsters don’t have feelings, or souls. Monsters live in children’s closets and monsters certainly don’t know how to love.”

“Samantha, my past is filled with ghosts. Ghosts that I’ve either created or ghosts that have created me. I have hurt people, Samantha.” It was all true. I had caused destruction and left behind carnage everywhere I went.

“We all have ghosts, Jay. You can’t let them haunt you anymore. I don’t see a monster when I look at you.” She began to stroke my cheek, running her thumb down my scar. It was something she had never asked me about, and I was okay with that.

“Then what do you see?”

“I see a broken masterpiece.”

“What do you want with something broken?” I asked her.

“Just because something is broken and hurt, doesn’t mean it has no value. Broken glass still shines when the sun hits it. And broken hearts still love when they’re shown compassion.” I didn’t cry often. To be honest, I didn’t cry at all. But I felt my eyes get moist and I swallowed hard to fight it all back.

“I don’t know what we are. What this is. I don’t care if it has a name or a label. I’m okay with whatever me plus you equals. And I hate math, so that’s a big statement.” It was like Samantha to throw in a joke. We both chuckled a bit and I smiled at her. I reached down and took her hand in mine. I was never sure on making moves, but it felt right in that moment. She gave mine a squeeze and she moved in closer.

“I think we equal a lot.” I pushed the hair out of her eyes, and I couldn’t look away. The vibrant blue was bursting out with a tenderness that I had never experienced before.

I wasn’t sure where any of it left us. Maybe it would hurt more than it helped; Knowing that there was someone I couldn’t fully have, but I wholeheartedly wanted.