Still So Free

“This is my favorite song!” Tessa yelled as she grabbed Alex and my hand before pulling us to the dance floor. We had all been sitting around the table waiting for Jared and John to bring our drinks but I guess Tessa was tired of waiting.

After ending up dancing with the girls for a few more songs, we walked back to the table to get our drinks. I almost guzzled my entire beer. I had only been clubbing once since I went with the boys back in London. I was a little out of shape. Although I wasn’t self-conscious, I never had been. It was hard for me to ever feel bad about myself since I knew others had it much worse.

“Oh John, don’t be sad!” I yelled as the alcohol began to get to me, “Come dance with me!”

“I’m not really in the –“ John said before I cut him off.

“Just one song! C’mon!”

“One song? Then will you leave me alone?”

“Yes, grumpy pants.”

I pulled John out of his seat and dragged him into the large mass of people. As I felt the beat of “Dance, Dance” by Fall Out Boy, I started dancing against him trying to get him somewhat involved and to my surprise he responded. He turned me around with my back to him and put his arms around my waist.

We ended up dancing like that for a whole hour. Tessa and Jared came out for a little bit than Alex and Garrett but for the majority of the time it was just John and I.

“I’m a little tired, can we go sit?” I asked John when the next song ended.

“Yeah me too, do you want another beer?”

“Sure, thanks.” I didn’t have anything to do tomorrow so I didn’t feel bad about having a few drinks.

I walked back to the table to get a questioning glance from Tessa. I shrugged it off knowing she was wondering what was going on between John and I. Honestly I didn’t think anything was going on. He had a girlfriend and I wasn’t in the business to find a boyfriend. It was fun to dance with him and I think he needed some cheering up. It didn’t mean much to me.

“Here’s your beer, Hayley.” John said as he sat down across from me and handed me a beer.

I sipped at the beer watching people dance around. I saw one girl fight with her boyfriend. I saw another couple making out. There were so many different personalities and people doing the same thing at the same time in one place. It’s like putting 10 different breeds of dogs in an area and then playing fetch.

After I finished my beer, I decided to get myself another one.

“One beer please,” I told the bartender after waiting a few minutes to get his attention.

The guy next to me asked, “Not one for your boyfriend too?”

“Who?”

“That guy you’ve been dancing and hanging out with the entire night.” It was eerie to think that he’d been watching me but a few minutes prior I had been doing the same thing.

“Oh, that’s not my boyfriend. I don’t have one.”

“Well then maybe you’d like to dance with me.”

“Um. Sure, let me go put my drink down and tell my friends. I’ll be right back.” He definitely wasn’t ugly and I wasn’t dancing with anyone else at the moment. Why not?

I walked back to the dance and told Alex about my encounter, “You see that guy over there at the bar? He asked me to dance.”

“Oh, he looks nice. Have fun!”

I smiled back before walking over to the guy. He stood up and placed some cash on the bar next to his drink before grabbing my hand and leading me out.

We dance for a few minutes before I realized this wasn’t half as much fun as dancing with John. He had no rhythm and he kept pulling at me.

“I think my friends are ready to go. I’m going to go leave with them.” I turned around and said to the guy before walking away without hearing a response from him. I didn’t need one.

I had come up with that excuse but it proved to be true as everyone looked completely bored back at the table.

“Are you ready to leave?” John asked harshly as if I personally was holding him up.

“Sure. Whatever you guys want to do,” I turned back towards Alex and told her how creepy that guy turned out to be.

“Oh that sucks. Better look next time.” Alex said sympathetically.

I nodded back and followed the group out of the club. If it was even possible the car ride back home was more awkward.

I tried to lighten the mood by asking Tessa a few things about herself. She was also 23 and worked as a vet tech. That was perfect for her. Soon I realized no one really wanted to talk.

“Do you want me to drop you off by your apartment?” Jared asked as we turned into the complexes.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I’ll think I’ll walk her up and then I’ll walk back home, Jared.”

“Ok, John.” Jared replied.

As we got out of the car I felt the cold Arizona air hit my skin and give me goose bumps.

“This feels nice,” I said to John trying to start some sort of conversation.

“Yeah. So that guy you were dancing with?”

“What about him?”

“He wasn’t much fun, was he?”

“Not much. Not as much fun as I had dancing with you,” I answered nudging John in the shoulder.

“Well, good. I wouldn’t want any competition.” John said as we reached my door. I realized John must have felt jealous when I cam back from dancing with that guy. That's probably why he snapped at me. I don't understand why he would be jealous if he had Joise though.

“Why would you have comp-“ before I could finish, John pressed his lips into mine. Shocked at first I didn’t do anything, but soon I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. It had been a long time since I was this close to anyone. With John, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. He made everything feel right.

“I’m sorry,” John said as he pulled away. “I can’t do this to Josie.”

“Yeah, I should go.” I said as I unlocked the door and walked in closing the door behind me.

I leaned back against the door. Even when Josie wasn’t here, she was getting in the way.