Last Chance

As soon as he closed the door I ran over to the kitchen table and grabbed the box. I was nervous, I wasn't sure what would be inside. I slowly opened the lid and saw four coiled notebooks sitting inside.
"Okay." I thought to myself. What the hell was this about. I picked up the one that had a big number one circled on the front in black marker. I opened the first page.

October 1, 2005

I miss you Kel, it's not the same without you. I'm sorry. I'm nervous for the next week's game.

The rest of the page was blank. I turned to the next one.

October 5, 2005

It's game day. I've never been more nervous in my life. Wish you were here.

Again, that was all that was on the page. So I flipped to the next.

October 8, 2005

First NHL goal! I've got the puck to prove it!

I was beginning to realize that he was telling me his memories. As I skimmed through the notebook I noticed that most of the time he mentioned me. It had all of his achievements, but it also had other stuff too. It had fears and hopes and sometimes the page simply said that it missed me. I smiled as I read the notes. He had a different way of coping with our separation then I did.

-----March 2010-----

I had just gotten to the cash register of the grocery store when I saw it. Yet another stupid magazine cover with Canada's "Golden Boy" on the cover. It made me want to vomit, and then take every magazine off the rack and burn it. Since he had scored the "Golden Goal" his face was everywhere. I couldn't even get a coffee without his smug face on the front of my coffee cup. I grabbed a copy of McLeans and threw it on the belt at the register. I then grabbed a copy of Hello Canada and Time, all of which he was on the cover of. I paid for my groceries and headed home.

I opened my closed door and pulled the box out. For the last five years I had taken anything that I saw with his face on it, and thrown it in the "I Hate You Box" It had newspapers, magazines, and anything Sidney Crosby related in it. I had even gone so far as taking a poster of him from Tim Horton's and stuffing it in the box. The worst though, was when I was in the grocery store and pretty much walked into a life size Sidney Crosby Dempters cutout. I went as far as asking the store manager if I could have it. Luckily for Sid, the manager refused to let me have it. The only thing that I couldn't bare to put in the box was the stick that he had first given me. That stick had it's spot in the corner of my bedroom. I reminder of my roots. I tossed the magazines into the box without even reading them and shut my closet door before heading to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.

----------

I read every single page of the first notebook and when I was done, I dove into the second one.

April 2007

We made the playoffs! No one thought we would be able to do it! Thinking of you and wishing we were playing close to home.

April 2007

Knocked out in the first round, not exactly a stellar performance, but we did out best.

May 1, 2007

I'm heading home tomorrow. I just bought a place on the lake. I know you would love it. Maybe I'll bump into you while I'm home.

July 1, 2007

Happy Canada Day! We're celebrating with fireworks and Rye. Maybe I had one too many Rye's. Remember before I left for St. Mary's and we would hang out at Lawrencetown Beach? This summer reminds me of that, except without you. Where are you Kel?

August 7, 2007

It's my birthday Kel, 20 years young, I still haven't seen you around town. You always gave me the best birthday presents, I miss you.

I was absorbed in his thoughts, in his memories. I had no idea how much he missed me, I was starting to realize that what I felt for him was not one sided. I put the notebook down and skipped ahead to the one with the number three on it.

June 2008

The only thing harder than losing game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals was losing you.

I choked up when I read that one, I knew how he loved the game, and losing wasn't easy for him.

July 2008

Fingers crossed that you make the team today. If you do, I'll be able to explain everything to you. I miss you and I hope you forgive me.

Shit, he had been keeping tabs on me for a long time. This was always his plan, but he wanted to make sure that I achieved what I needed to achieve before telling me.

September 2008

Congrats on making the Montreal Team! The only colours better than Red and Blue are Black and Gold.....and Red and White. You'll make the team next year Kelly, I know you will.

I realized now that the one time that I thought I saw him the stands during a game probably wasn't just my imagination playing tricks on me.

I had to stop, I was nearly in tears. I wanted to just drop everything and call him, tell him to come back.

I picked up the book with number four on it and started half way through the notebook.

June 13, 2009

We did it! I can't even tell you how I feel right now. I don't think I even need to tell you how I feel, I have a feeling that you already know. When I walked to the bench and saw the looks on Taylor and my parent's faces I nearly lost it. The only thing missing was you. I wish you were here. I miss you.

I tried to be happy for him when he won the cup, I really did. But my heart just couldn't forgive him at the time and now I regretted it. I wish I could have shared that with him. I wiped the tears that had fallen from my cheek.

"I'm sorry Sid." I said out loud. I flipped ahead farther into the book.

"February 28, 2010

Playing for Canada in the Olympics is probably the coolest thing I've ever done in my life. Scoring the winning goal, probably my proudest moment. It shut up all my critics and all I want to do is hug you and share this with you. You have no idea how much I miss you right now. Work hard, make the team, and I'll see you sooner rather than later.

At this I completely lost it. I was in full on tears now. I flipped to the last page of the book, the date was yesterday.

July 16, 2010

Congrats! I knew you could do it! Now I just hope that you will forgive me for what I have put you through. I hope you understand how hard it was on me, although it probably wasn't nearly as hard on me as it was on you. I want you to know that I have thought about you nearly every single day for the past five years. I am so sorry for the hurt I have caused. I know you will wear the maple leaf as proudly as I do every time I put it on. You will be an amazing ambassador to Canada and I know there are great things in store for you. I can only hope that you will let me be apart of your life now. Please, have a little faith in me....I've been waiting for you forever.

Remember the first Christmas that I played in Rimouski and I came home and you insisted on trying that new move out on me? It was then, that day on the ice, that I knew I loved you. I just didn't know what it was I was feeling at the time. I didn't let myself actually say it out loud, admit it to myself until today. But I know in my heart that I have loved you since we were kids. How is it possible to find your soul mate when you're eight years old? I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can only hope that you feel the same way as me. So here it is Kel,

I LOVE YOU. I love you more than hockey, more than skating, and more than life its self. I just want to be with you and I will move mountains to make this work, if you feel the same way. So here I am, Sidney Crosby, laying my heart on the line for you.

----------
I shut the notebook and stared at the floor. I put my head in my hands and let myself cry as I let what I just read sink in.

I needed to see him, I needed to know if this was for real. I pulled out my phone and texted him.