Sequel: Bouquet ›
Status: Done. <3
White Noises
One.
If I wasn't hearing things that weren't there, I was seeing things that weren't there. And it was ridiculous. Sometimes, if I was really lucky, I would get both. On rare occasions, I would go a day without a hallucination, not a single one. Sometimes, the hallucinations were nice to me. They would tell me how wonderful I was, that I didn't deserve this. They made me feel a little better on those days.
But they were extremely rare. More rare than when I didn't have hallucinations. Most of the time it was just a bunch of noises, annoying, yet tolerable. The hallucinations were minor, usually only swirls around my vision.
There were times when the voices were mean. They would call me fat, and tell me how ugly I am. They'd make me cry. It was worse when the voices had faces and bodies, when I couldn't tell if they were real people or just my imagination.
I don't know how long I've had schizophrenia. It's been a terrible experience, to say the least. I self-diagnosed myself. My parents are the rich, I-don't-give-a-damn-about-my-kid type. Once I was old enough to go to school, I became ignored.
I guess it's good. I don't like my parents much anyways. We tolerate each other, but we don't really love each other, if that makes sense. I think it does. Anyways, they told me when I was little to "stop being weird, mommy and daddy are busy." And when I was older, I read something somewhere that led me to believe that I may have schizophrenia. My seven-to-nine-year-old self Googled what schizophrenia was and then I realized I had it.
I don't talk in school. I get ok grades, I'm sure if I tried I'd get better. But I don't care about school. School is a waste of time. I can't get a real job anyways, because I have so many mental problems.
I talk to the school counselor a lot. He's an actual therapist, and after school he works in a hospital nearby. He's agreed that I probably have schizophrenia, and I talk to him when the hallucinations get really bad. He helps.
He's the only person I trust.
I guess this is a pretty accurate description of my life.
But they were extremely rare. More rare than when I didn't have hallucinations. Most of the time it was just a bunch of noises, annoying, yet tolerable. The hallucinations were minor, usually only swirls around my vision.
There were times when the voices were mean. They would call me fat, and tell me how ugly I am. They'd make me cry. It was worse when the voices had faces and bodies, when I couldn't tell if they were real people or just my imagination.
I don't know how long I've had schizophrenia. It's been a terrible experience, to say the least. I self-diagnosed myself. My parents are the rich, I-don't-give-a-damn-about-my-kid type. Once I was old enough to go to school, I became ignored.
I guess it's good. I don't like my parents much anyways. We tolerate each other, but we don't really love each other, if that makes sense. I think it does. Anyways, they told me when I was little to "stop being weird, mommy and daddy are busy." And when I was older, I read something somewhere that led me to believe that I may have schizophrenia. My seven-to-nine-year-old self Googled what schizophrenia was and then I realized I had it.
I don't talk in school. I get ok grades, I'm sure if I tried I'd get better. But I don't care about school. School is a waste of time. I can't get a real job anyways, because I have so many mental problems.
I talk to the school counselor a lot. He's an actual therapist, and after school he works in a hospital nearby. He's agreed that I probably have schizophrenia, and I talk to him when the hallucinations get really bad. He helps.
He's the only person I trust.
I guess this is a pretty accurate description of my life.
♠ ♠ ♠
so I'm starting this... do you like it?