Believe

He could make me laugh until tears poured down my face. He could make me cry from his hurtful words until my tears ran dry.

He was a light that shown to guide me away from my hurtful past and a darkness that clung to me like January's cold.

He was a joker, my knight, my savior. My drug, my knife, my killer.

The boys of Kpop are supposed to have this mischievous, innocent persona. And they do. However, there's more to them than that. There's more to their personal lives. Like an onion, you have to peel them back one layer at a time. And the more layers you pull back, sometimes, the more it makes you cry.

Seeing one layer on the screen and another in front of you at home, it makes one wonder what is truth. Is there really any?

Eli was far from a bad person. I was a charity case, someone who'd been bruised and crushed, left broken and—seemingly—unrepairable. But Eli saw different. He was so positive and humoring, the one who brought the laughs. His charm and rapping left girls swooning to the floor.

I'd seen the way he could be around other girls. He just had that highly arousing player persona that was hard to ignore. And he was gorgeous. His smile lit up the room, reaching his eyes and transferring it to the people around him. His personality was contagious. Magnetic. Girls flocked to him like birds to the south in the winter. He was warm, funny, and perfect.

I was imperfect. A mess. A catastrophe of past mistakes that left me cautious and hurting. Eli came along and swooped me off my feet before I could even blink. He'd taken those walls down with one push, leaving me exposed and vulnerable.

Something I now regretted.

Almost a year into our relationship, we started to fight. We just couldn't stand to be in the same room for more than fifteen minutes without blowing up at each other. It was ridiculous and agonizing. Eli was my pillar up until then. He'd been the only person I could truly trust. Up until then.

He looked at me, a thousand and one questions radiating from those beautiful eyes. I sat in front of him on the couch, hands clasped tightly in my lap, eyes locked on his bright red sneakers. So many doubts, too many hurts.

He hated me now. My wallowing in self-pity was enough for him and he'd probably found some tooth-pick-tiny Korean to keep him happy. I didn't blame him. I was just his charity case after all. He'd probably been with girls while he was away in Asia. I shouldn't be surprised.

“We have to end this,” I told him finally, voice breaking on every word. I bit into my lip to stop the tears from flowing.

Eli sighed and began to pace back and forth. He was silent, but the air in the room had become tense with the quiet. I waited for a blowup.

“Give me another chance.”

The words were quiet and pleading, far from what I was expecting. I forced my eyes to look up at him; he was still pacing, running a hand over his face.

“Another chance?” I asked.

“Hayden, please?” he begged as if I'd just flat-out turned him down. He stopped and looked at me and I noticed his eyes were dim and exhausted. “I screwed up. I really screwed up. I shouldn't have yelled at you and flipped out. I've been such an ass. I'll change...” He got to his knees in front of me and took my hands in his. “I'm so sorry.”

I stared at him, shocked. I'd expected another fight or for him to agree and say that he'd found something better or that I was wasting his time. I expected him to leave me and go on his merry way. But he was begging me to give him another chance. For once, I was the one in power for my relationship, the one with the choices.

The longer I stayed silent, the more dismal Eli's face became. His head hung and he squeezed my hands. “Please, believe me, Hayden.”

Slowly, I took my hands from his and I saw his shoulders slump even more. Placing my hands on the sides of his face, I made him look at me. Big eyes were rimmed with tears. A smile came to my lips. I placed them on his, lightly. Giving my smile to him. He took me in his arms at once, pressing me to his chest. His hands running down my back as he kissed my head.

I inhaled his familiar scent of warm cologne and smiled. “I believe you.”