The Little Common Word

Love, a common word that describes many people’s emotions, but what is it I ask. To me, it’s just a word. A word that’s always giving me problems. A word that causes me pain. A word that I don’t believe in. I can’t help it, I just haven’t been lucky in love. Everybody asks why I don’t try to find someone. Someone who loves me, who cares for me, I simply say “love finds you when you’re not looking for it.” That’s how my mom found my father. They were inseparable, before he died of course. Ever since then, she’s been sad. More than sad actually, depressed. After I saw what love did to my mother, I haven’t believed in it. If you’re in love with someone, why would God separate them? I’m always afraid that if I get too involved, I’ll get hurt.
I’ll get hurt. That’s a good point. I honestly hope I don’t find love. I’m too afraid it will ruin me. Just like Marilyn Monroe said “It’s better to be un-happy alone than un-happy with someone.” She does have a good point, which is why she’s my idol. I use to believe in love, but now, it’s a word that causes me pain and makes me uncomfortable.
Sex, another word that’s being thrown around. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had sex, but lousy sex. My mom always said sex is better when your with someone you love. I do believe that but I don’t believe in love. So, I assume I won’t have great sex. I’m just afraid I won’t fall in love and spend the rest of my life happy in love. I’m scared.