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The Little Common Word
Colton
In love again? I can’t be. I loved Lily, I couldn’t do this to her. I promised her I would always be with her, dead or alive. She’s dead now; wouldn’t she want me to be happy? I wish I could talk to her one last time. I wish I had an answer. I would die to have just one more day with her. In some ways, I wish I had never met Lily, she was just too perfect. She made me love her; she made me not want to love anyone else. No, what am I saying? This isn’t her fault. None of this is her fault. I couldn’t help the fact that a drunk driver took away my world. That’s probably what was supposed to happen with her life. Not mine, so why do I feel like the one who died? If I ever died, I would want Lily to be happy.
Forget it, I’m going to take a chance with Anna, who knows, maybe she’ll be exactly like Anna. Maybe I’ll love her even more. No, no one can beat Lily.
I call Anna, I ask her if she wanted to go to the movies. She surprisingly agreed. We decided later on that we would rather go out to eat. Anna’s not into many movies. Just like Lily. Every time I’m near Anna, I feel like I’m with Lily. Even after a year into our relationship, I still got nervous holding Lily’s hand. Crazy right? I don’t think so. I thought it was sweet, so did she.
I can’t help but wonder how things would’ve been if I never met Lily. If I never made love to her, if I never got the call about the accident, if I never mourned her death for months. Whenever I think like that I want to bang my head against a cinder block wall. Because I feel so selfish about thinking like that. I don’t want to think of Lily in that way.
I need to move on. It’s hard, especially when you loved someone so much that it hurts. Anna noticed that something was wrong with me. She asked me what was wrong, I tried to change the subject, but she caught me. Once again, just like Lily.
“I want to know Colton. I can tell something’s up.” She says.
“Nothing important. Nothing that will spark your interest anyway.” I say hesitantly.
“Colton, I’m nicer than you think. I want to hear what you have to say.” She sounded serious.
“The thing is, I like you. Only because you remind me of Lily… Horrible right? I don’t know. I’ve never wanted to love another.” She stops me.
“Love? Colton, you don’t love me, do you?” She says freaked out.
“I don’t know Anna, I just don’t know. If I do, it’s for the wrong reason. I’m sorry Anna, I can’t help I feel.” I say annoyed.
“Look, I didn’t say there was anything wrong with that Colton. It’s just; I want a guy to love me for me, not for what I remind them of. I’m sorry.” She says. Sadly, she’s right. I wouldn’t want a girl to love me because I reminded them of their dead boyfriend. I feel rejected, but also relieved. She looks disappointed, like I said the wrong thing.
“Here’s the thing Colton. I kind of like you too. My sister told me so much about you. Then I got jealous because she got something so good.” She says, I almost want to get out of my chair, run towards her, and kiss her.
Forget it, I’m going to take a chance with Anna, who knows, maybe she’ll be exactly like Anna. Maybe I’ll love her even more. No, no one can beat Lily.
I call Anna, I ask her if she wanted to go to the movies. She surprisingly agreed. We decided later on that we would rather go out to eat. Anna’s not into many movies. Just like Lily. Every time I’m near Anna, I feel like I’m with Lily. Even after a year into our relationship, I still got nervous holding Lily’s hand. Crazy right? I don’t think so. I thought it was sweet, so did she.
I can’t help but wonder how things would’ve been if I never met Lily. If I never made love to her, if I never got the call about the accident, if I never mourned her death for months. Whenever I think like that I want to bang my head against a cinder block wall. Because I feel so selfish about thinking like that. I don’t want to think of Lily in that way.
I need to move on. It’s hard, especially when you loved someone so much that it hurts. Anna noticed that something was wrong with me. She asked me what was wrong, I tried to change the subject, but she caught me. Once again, just like Lily.
“I want to know Colton. I can tell something’s up.” She says.
“Nothing important. Nothing that will spark your interest anyway.” I say hesitantly.
“Colton, I’m nicer than you think. I want to hear what you have to say.” She sounded serious.
“The thing is, I like you. Only because you remind me of Lily… Horrible right? I don’t know. I’ve never wanted to love another.” She stops me.
“Love? Colton, you don’t love me, do you?” She says freaked out.
“I don’t know Anna, I just don’t know. If I do, it’s for the wrong reason. I’m sorry Anna, I can’t help I feel.” I say annoyed.
“Look, I didn’t say there was anything wrong with that Colton. It’s just; I want a guy to love me for me, not for what I remind them of. I’m sorry.” She says. Sadly, she’s right. I wouldn’t want a girl to love me because I reminded them of their dead boyfriend. I feel rejected, but also relieved. She looks disappointed, like I said the wrong thing.
“Here’s the thing Colton. I kind of like you too. My sister told me so much about you. Then I got jealous because she got something so good.” She says, I almost want to get out of my chair, run towards her, and kiss her.