Dead But Breathing

When Alex woke up and checked the time, it was 6:30. He hadn’t even meant to fall asleep, but he was kind of glad that he had. He had actually dreamt good dreams, of him playing on a stage in front of thousands of people. That was what Alex wanted to do, but he knew it was unlikely he would ever get there. He sighed as he sat up in bed, reality sinking in slow and hard, when he noticed josh leaning against the door frame. He groaned inwardly to himself, he didn’t want to deal with any of Josh’s shit now, or ever.

“I went to speak to them about getting you out of my fucking room” Josh spat, realising that Alex was finally awake, “But they told me that it would be ‘good for me’ to share with you.”

“I-I’ll go and talk to them” Alex stuttered, which he always did when he was nervous, it was a bad habit.

“You better, freak, because it won’t be good for you to stay here with me” Alex got out of bed and made his way to leave the room, but Josh stopped him on his way out, grabbing his shoulder and pushing him against the wall. He planted one single punch to Alex’s stomach, but it was enough to make him groan in pain.

“Don’t tell anyone about that, if you get me in shit I’ll do it again, harder”. Josh warned, before letting go of Alex, who was still clutching his stomach with shaking hands, and sitting down on his bed, pulling out his laptop. Alex nodded slowly before staggering out of the room. He was trying to fight back tears, Josh’s punch had really hurt, but he didn’t want anyone to see him cry, they probably all already thought he was pathetic. There was a girl stood at the top of the stairs, she was about 13 years old with black hair that was scraped tightly back into a ponytail. She had the kind of face that made her look constantly pissed off. As Alex passed her to go downstairs, he accidently knocked her shoulder, and she staggered slightly sideways and scowled at him, making Alex feel incredibly small even though he was at least 3 years older than her.

“What the fuck, mind where you’re going, prick” She snapped at Alex, moving closer to him, not caring that he was at least half a foot taller.

“I-I’m sorry” Alex muttered, he was used to being beaten around by people younger than him.

“Who even are you?” The girl asked.

“Alex” Alex replied, almost silently.

“Why haven’t I seen you? Please don’t tell me you’re like that fucking weirdo Max that hardly ever leaves his room?” She laughed, but she still sounded angry. Alex shrugged, the way she talked about Max pissed him off, but he didn’t know what to say to her. “Whatever.” She shrugged and pushed past Alex into her own room and slammed the door. She was just like most of the girls Alex had seen go in and out of the children’s home, obnoxious twats that are too stuck up their own asshole to care about anyone else. Alex jogged down the stairs, wanting to just speak to his counsellor and get it over and done with. He walked to the end of the corridor, to the door next to Mr Reed’s office. The name plaque on the read Mary Jenner, but Alex knew her as the fat woman who was too nosy for her own good. He knocked and waited patiently before the door swung open, revealing the plump 60ish year old woman who way Mary Jenner.

“Come in Alex.” She said bluntly before waddling back to her desk, and Alex actually had to hold back a laugh because the way she walked was so hilarious. Alex took a seat opposite her, and started bouncing his leg up and down, something he always did to try and keep himself calm.

“What did you come to speak to me about?” Mrs Jenner asked, and Alex thought carefully about how to word what he wanted to say.

“I need to move rooms” He said quickly, not being able to think of a better way to put it. She looked at him, slightly confused.

“Why?” She asked, and Alex sighed.

“I don’t get on with Josh” Alex muttered, ‘don’t get on’ was an understatement. She leant back in her chair and sighed.

“You don’t get on with anyone Alex.” She stated, and it wasn’t far from the truth.

“I get on with Max” Alex tried to argue. Even though they had only spoken briefly, Alex could tell that Max was someone he might actually be able to talk too properly.

“Alex, I can’t have you move to a room with Max, he needs his own space.” Mrs Jenner said, quietly. Alex was confused, what did she mean ‘needs his own space’?
“What do you mean?” Alex asked, confused.

“I’m not allowed to discuss the situations of other children with anyone other than Mr Reed, all you have to know is that I can’t move you in with Max, and really, I think it would do Josh and maybe even you some good by sharing a room. Please just see how it goes Alex.” She sighed, trying to reason with him. Alex could feel tears welling up in his eyes again at the thought of having to share his room with Josh, and he wanted to tell Mrs Jenner why they couldn’t share, but he knew things would get worse if he did, so he just nodded slowly, pushing back the tears as he stood up to leave the room.

“Whatever” He muttered as he left and slammed the door behind him. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to cry, but he knew Josh was upstairs, so he had nowhere to go. He looked inside the games room, and was surprised to see that is was practically empty; apart from two boys that Alex vaguely recognised playing some shitty racing game on the PlayStation, and Max, who was sat against one of the walls with his iPod. Alex decided that he would go ad talk to Max; he had nowhere else to go anyway. He shuffled over and slid down the wall to sit next to him, smiling slightly when Max noticed him.

“Hey” Alex almost whispered. He had no idea why he was talking so quietly.

“Hey, you okay?” Max asked, sounding like he genuinely cared.

“Not really, what about you?” Alex replied, sighing.

“Been better, Danielle’s been shouting at me again, she’s a bitch, and I know you shouldn’t talk about a girl like that, but it’s true so she deserves it.” Max winced at his words.

“Danielle?...” Alex asked, not recognising the name.

“Small ish, black hair, looks permanently constipated” Max tried to describe her, and Alex guessed he meant the girl that he had run into upstairs.

“Oh yeah, I think I met her at the top of the stairs” Alex nodded, remembering the not-too pleasant interaction they had had, “What’s she been saying to you?”

“That I’m a freak, apparently I’ve been stealing her knickers but why the fuck would I do that? I’m not some kind of sick pervert Alex, I don’t know why she even thinks I would do something like that” Max’s eyes looked sad, and Alex kind of desperately wanted to give her a hug.

“She sounds like a bitch” Alex whispered, as he heard footsteps coming down the stair and people started to enter the room. Alex slid further down the wall, as if he could somehow make himself invisible. He looked up to notice that about 5 people had just come in, including Danielle and Josh, and Alex instantly tensed.

“Him, he’s the one who’s been going through my fucking underwear, sick twat” Danielle shouted and pointed at Max. Alex was shaking now; he was never good in these situations.

“I never went through any of your stuff Danielle” Ma tried to argue back, “Why would I? Im not even interested in you” Josh then made his way over to Max and pulled him up by the collar of his black t-shirt so he was standing opposite him.

“Apologise to her for being a sick pervert” Josh snarled into Max’s face, as Max’s eyes welled up with tears.
“No, I didn’t do anything” Max said, his voice was shaky and he was on the verge of crying. The other people who had followed Danielle and Josh into the room had started shouting, but Alex couldn’t work out what they were saying. Ale finally found his voice, knowing he should probably be standing up for Max.

“Leave him alone.” Alex said. He had meant for it to come out confidently, but it was quiet and shaky.

“What?” One of the other boys asked.

“I said, leave him alone” Once again Alex to sound menacing, but failed. Everyone just laughed, and Alex just wanted to sink into the floor and die.

“Shut the fuck up, freak” They boy shouted. Alex realised that Max was shaking and crying, he needed to get him out of there. Alex elbowed Josh in the rib just hard enough for him to loosen his grip on Max so Alex could grab Max by the arm and drag him upstairs. When they reached the top, Max was crying even more.

“I d-d-dint even d-do anything Alex” He said shakily, taking short quick breaths in-between each word, trying to control his tears.

“I know you didn’t Max” Alex said, trying to sound comforting. “Just go to bed and lock the door ok” Alex ushered Max into his room as he nodded. Alex couldn’t go back to his room; he couldn’t face josh, So he ran back downstairs and opened the front door, leaving the building before anyone could notice him.