Here With Me

February 17th, Sunday, 7:34pm

"Are you sure you're up for going to Gems?" Hudson asked a we got into the backseat of a taxi. I just smiled and nodded, "I'm fine, I took an advil before we left. Besides, I haven't seen Gemma in like, forever. I wanna go see her."

"Alright." He smiled, kissing my cheek. He looked ahead at the driver, "To the East Village, 10th and 2nd."

"Oh, we're not picking up the others?" I asked, referring to Amelia, Jules, and Jack.

He shook his head, "Jules sent me a text earlier, he's just gonna take his car."

"Oh okay." I nodded, turning and looking out the window.

Soon the cab left and the traffic on the way to our friend's place wasn't too bad. I knotted my fingers as Hudson and I were quiet in the backseat and cheesy "hits" of the 70s and 80s played from the radio. I didn't tell him what happened at Christian's, how could I? I know that honesty is what keeps marriages strong, but I didn't know how to tell him.

"You okay?" He asked, placing his hand on my knee.

"Yeah, just a little tired." I smiled. He just smiled and continued looking out the window.

When we got to Gemma and Kennedy's loft, we quickly went inside as it was still chilly outside. We took the old elevator up to the top floor.

"Avery!" Gemma grinned as she opened the door, Under Your Spell by Desire was blaring from the inside as she pulled me into a hug and welcomed us in.

"Hey girl, haven't seen you in a long time." Kennedy smiled, pulling me into a friendly bear hug. He shook Hudson's hand and gave him a quick hug, "Hey there Huds, how's married life treating you?"

"Oh it's great, I'm loving every minute of it." Hudson smiled.

"I'm so glad you two came, Avery I miss you, we need to hang out more often." Gemma smiled, wrapped an arm around my shoulders. Her sister came up to us and asked to take our coats.

"I miss you too Gem, I love the way you've decorated the place, it looks great." I grinned, looking around the room that was filled with so many people dancing and having a good time.

"Thanks, I love it so much. You want a beer?" She asked, turning and reaching into the ice bucket to take out two Heinekens and popping off the caps.

"Thanks." I took one and sipped at it. She linked arms with me and pulled me further into the party, sitting us down on the couch.

I then realized my brother Paul and his husband Max were here, they spotted me at the same time I saw them and came over. "Hello stranger, fancy meeting you here." Paul chuckled, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

"Paulie, what're you doing on this side of town?" I smiled.

"Max begged me to come with him to Gem and Kennedy's party. So here I am." He smirked, rolling his eyes as he looked at Max, his arm around him.

"I have him wrapped around my finger." Max laughed, taking a seat next to me and kissing my cheek.

"Where's your hubby?" Paul asked.

"Over there, talking to Kennedy." I pointed through the crowd.

"I'm gonna go say 'hi', I'll be back." He left.

Max rested his arm on the top of the couch and turned to me. "I love your sweater." He felt the fabric of my sweater.

"Thanks." I smiled, "Wildfox."

"Okay okay, now Avery, c'mon, we haven't seen each other in like, forever. What's new?" Gemma clapped her hands, brought her feet onto the sofa, crossing her legs.

"Um...well my boss is giving me my own column in the magazine, so that's pretty awesome." I half-smiled.

Gemma smiled, "That's great! Good job Avery, I always thought you were a great writer, now it's paying off." I just smiled. Her expression faltered as she looked at me carefully and glanced at Max who shrugged his shoulders. Gemma looked back at me. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I replied.

"Ave, I know you. There's something on your mind. Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked.

I thought for a moment and bit at my lip. "Got any cigarettes?"

She smiled. "A whole pack of them. Brand new."

I took hers and Max's hands, pulling them with me into her bedroom. There were a lot of coats on hers and Kennedy's bed, but I sat down anyway. "Wait! Before you talk-" Max then grabbed a note pad and scribbled down something on it. He opened the door and stuck the paper on the outside and shut it again.

"What was that?" Gemma asked, sitting next to me as she opened the pack.

"Just a note that says coat check: knock first. So we won't be disturbed." He smiled, jumping onto the bed.

"Okay, so what's up?" She asked, lighting up a smoke and giving it to me.

I gave a long sigh, trying to figure out how to put it. "Um...okay, you guys know Christian right?"

"I've never met him." Max bit his lip.

"I've heard of him, know quite a bit about him, never met him." Gemma replied.

I took a deep breath. "We kissed."

"What?" They both gasped.

"I know! It's terrible." I groaned, laying back onto the coats and taking a long drag of my cigarette.

"When?" Gemma whispered.

"Friday night...Hudson was working late, and Christian was sick so I went over to his place to keep him company."

"Did you two just kiss or...you know?" Max laid down next to me.

"We just kissed. I ran out of there afterwards." I whispered.

"Did it mean anything?" Gem asked, drinking her beer.

I bit my lip and hesitated, looking up at her. "I don't know. Guys, I'm so confused and I feel so overwhelmed with guilt. I can't believe I did it, but...I don't know what to do."

"Do you have feelings for him?" Max asked quietly.

I shrugged my shoulders, "No. I don't know. I love Hudson, more than I've ever loved anyone else. But when Christian and I kissed, it was...it just felt, good. Guys I suck, I'm a terrible person. A terrible wife." I buried my face into the coats.

"Avery, stop beating yourself up about it. We all make mistakes. I hooked up with another guy when Kennedy and I first started going out, that was five years ago. I told him and we moved on. We worked it out." Gemma held my hand.

"But how was it? The kiss." Max asked me, slightly smiling.

I looked at him and half-smiled, remembering it. "It was perfect."

"Do you think you like him?" Gemma whispered.

Again I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. He likes me, he's told me before. I can't do this to Hudson though, he doesn't deserve that, he's been nothing but amazing to me. But don't tell anyone what I've told you, especially Amelia. She really likes Christian and if she ever found out, she'd kill me a thousand times."

"Oh...so then it was probably bad that I let Amelia invite him to the party..." Gemma looked away.

"What? Is he coming here?" I sprung up.

"I think so, I didn't know Avery, don't get mad." Gemma held up her hands.

"No, I'm not mad, I'm freaking out. Is that a fire escape?" I stood up.

"Yeah, why?" Gemma shook her head.

"Good, my coat's in here and my clutch. Tell Hudson I'll be waiting in a cab downstairs." I ran to the window and tried opening it.

"Avery you're insane!" Gemma wrapped her arms around me and pulled me back, we then fell to the floor. She started laughing and soon I started laughing too. "I'm sorry Gem, I'm a coward. I don't wanna deal with this 'cause I don't know how I feel."

"Sweetie, we're here for you. Don't worry." Max smiled, looking down at us from the bed.

I sighed and nodded, getting up and helping Gemma to her feet. "Okay, let's go out there."

"We're right here, don't freak out. And there's karaoke out there too if you feel so inclined to sing about it." Gemma laughed, linking her arm with me as we went back to the couch. Hudson was laughing loudly with Kennedy and Jules. Jules? Amelia must be here.

Sitting on the couch I looked around the room for her but didn't see her. Sometime Around Midnight by Airborne Toxic Event was playing in the room when the doorbell then rang and Kennedy went to go answer it. Amelia was dressed to the nines as usual, looking beautiful as she made her fashionably late entrance into the party...with Christian?

I could feel my lungs deflating like balloons and my stomach going into knots. Oh I didn't want to be here. Gemma turned to me, "Amelia's here, I'm gonna go welcome her. And is that him?"

I couldn't speak, so I just nodded. She patted my hand before getting up and going to say hello. I held Max's hand tightly until he winced in pain. "Ow, easy Avery. I'm not made of steel."

"Sorry." I murmured. Oh no, he sees me. Maybe I still have enough time to jump out the window...

Christian excused himself from Amelia and Gemma and walked through the crowd, sitting next to me. He softly smiled, "Hey."

"Hi Christian, how are you?" I politely replied.

He gave a small laugh. "I'm good, yourself?"

I nodded, "I'm good too."

Max squeezed my hand.

"Oh, this is Max, my brother-in-law. Max, this is Christian." I introduced them. He let go of my hand to shake Christian's. "Nice to meet you, excuse me, I'm gonna go find my husband." Max then stood up and left. I am going to kill him.

"Husband?" Christian turned to me.

"He's gay, as is my brother Paul. They've been married for three years." I smiled, watching Max sneak up behind Paul.

"Oh, that's nice." He smiled. And then this was followed by an awkward moment. He turned to me, "Are you okay?"

I slowly looked up at him. "I don't know..."

"I don't regret it...just those five seconds were perfect." He spoke quietly.

I stared into his blue eyes, feeling my heart rate skyrocketing just as it did that night. I smiled softly at him and he smiled back. Amelia then came and sat down next to him. I quickly became self-conscious and not wanting her or Hudson to see.

"Hey, how's it going?" Amelia grinned at me, her hand on his knee.

"Pretty good, Gem and Ken's place looks amazing, her interior design classes have come in handy." I smiled, looking around the room, feeling the soft velvet of the sofa.

"I know right? Uh, I wish my place looked as good as this." She grinned, "Oh, you know what? You'll never guess who came into the salon the other day-" She then began telling us this story about one of her archenemies coming into the salon and something else, I started zoning out as I butted out the last of my cigarette and lighting a new one.

Just as I took a drag, Hudson came and sat next to me. "That's not gonna make your cold go away any faster." He chuckled. I could feel Christian's eyes on me, he knows he's the one that gave me the cold.

I just smiled, "Well, we only live once." I took another drag.

"How's it going Christian?" Hudson shook his hand.

"Swell." Christian laughed, "How's the restaurant?"

"It's great, we've been getting so much more business since being featured in Food Network magazine. Jules and I are constantly working now." Hudson grinned, taking a drink of his beer.

"Babe, come dance with me." Gemma came over, holding out her hand to take mine. I gave a sigh of relief and gladly went with her. Some Bruno Mars song was playing as we danced on the other side of the room. "Sorry we left you, some friends we are." She laughed.

"Yeah!" I glared at her but laughed afterwards, "You know, thankfully it wasn't too bad. Not too awkward."

"Good. Now let's forget about stupid boys and just dance." She giggled. "Hey!" Kennedy laughed as he walked past her and spanked her.

"Sorry!"

I just laughed and danced with her, glancing over her shoulder, seeing Christian laugh and talk to Hudson. I sighed.