Where Is Our Forever

Who knew those little words could change a person’s life. Who new those little words could change my life.
Ethan and I sit on the hood of his old crimson Mustang. The two of us lay in silence, looking out into the night sky. My head lay gently on his chest, as I could feel his chest slowly rise and sink arithmetically.
“Hey Cass?” His chest grumbles lightly. I mumble, tilting my head so we were facing each other. “I have something to tell you.”
“Hmmm?” Our eyes lock together, dark green and velvety blue. He shifted upwards bringing me along. Grabbing my waist, he pulled me over so we were facing each other.
“It’s about Kaitlin.” Kaitlin was Ethan’s girlfriend from the beginning of senior year. Which was a long time ago since, we’re now Junior’s at University of Arizona. There wasn’t much to say about Kaitlin, besides the fact that she had perfect grades, beautiful silky brown hair, and long toned legs. All but the fact her personality was crap, but don’t tell Ethan that.
“Don’t tell me she’s pregnant.” I said with a laugh, he doesn’t laugh with me. His face was all serious; I couldn’t really read his facial expression.
“This isn’t funny Cass, I’m being serious.” I nodded giving him my full attention. He takes in a deep breath before saying, “I asked Kaitlin to marry me last night.”
I closed my eyes letting the words sink in; blood slowly rushed to my head. Slowly, pressure started to build in my chest. My heart struggles to beat, as every second went by.
“Cass,” he mumbled quietly, reaching for my hand. I shake my hand away, stuffing my hands in my jean pockets. Normally, I would have taken his hands in embrace. But this wasn’t like the old times, nowhere near it.
“C-congratulations,” I said trying to keep my voice together. I was happy for him; at least I think I was.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, placing a hand on my knee. A shock was sent throughout my body, leaving me in a daze.
“Nothing,” I replied blandly, I look out into the horizon. Anything would have been better, than looking into his eyes.
“You’re lying Cass,” Was I?
“I’m happy for you.”
He scoffs sliding off the hood, “Yeah, alright.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rolling off the hood, I stand before him. His hair tussled more than usual. I could smell his after shave and the faint smell of cigarettes.
“Why can’t you be happy for me, for once in your life?” He kicks the gravel beneath us lightly. From the many years I’ve known Ethan Jacobs, this was the most anger I’ve heard in his voice. He was never one to raise his voice or start and argument.
My eyebrows furrow together, “I am happy for you, I swore I just said that.”
He ignored me and went on. “Can’t you just pretend to be happy? I don’t push you two to become friends; I know you’re not a fan of her but still. Take one for the team; sometimes you’re just so selfish.”
Something in my head ticked, hearing the words leave his mouth. Why was he snapping at me? “Are you kidding me? I’ve been nothing but supportive. Yeah, I’ll admit I don’t like Kaitlin, but when have I ever tried getting between the two of yours relationship?” I spat back, the blood in my body started to rise. “I’ve been nothing but nice to her, letting her have the last word. Honestly, the only one here that’s the selfish bitch is her!”
Calling his fiance a selfish bitch must have hit a nerve cause that’s when Ethan blew up. “Stop playing the victim Cass, it’s really getting old. Can you own up to your mistakes?”
“I’m not trying to become the victim! Even if I were, you’ve never sided with me! Great best friend you are.” He face fumed red, fist clenching in a tight ball. “I’m sick and tired of you siding with her!”
“I don’t side with her, I don’t side with anyone!” He yelled back defensively.
“Oh really, now? So when we get into an argument you never tell me to apologize for something I didn’t do? Make me shut up? Tell me that I’m the one who’s always picking fights with her? You’ve been saying all like I just love all the drama.”
“It sure as hell seemed like it.” He grumbled under his breath.
I ignore him and continued, “And when you aren’t defending her, you’d be in some pointless argument. And who’s there to always listen? Who’s the one who has to defuse the situation? Oh right me, that’s who; your selfish ungrateful best friend!”
He seemed taken aback for what I had to say, but not enough to stop firing. “That’s what you’re supposed to do, be there for me! Have my back and defend me till the end.”
I scoff shaking my head. I car drove past us; the head lights shine brightly on me. “Yeah right, sorry I forgot. Too bad it’s only one way right, I do all that. What do you do then, huh?”
“When did you become so uptight Cass? You used to be so carefree, supportive, my best friend.” His voice was now gentler; the screaming feud came to a halt.
“I guess so; I lost it all when I lost my best friend.” I said calmly starting to around the car.
“What do you mean, Cassadee?” Ethan asked following me. The way he always said my full name made my heart melt.
“I lost you when Kaitlin came in Ethan, I was just there to play referee and defuse the situations. I was the one who you came to for advice, I was the one you came to for ideas, and I was just there to solve your problems. I was being used.”
He stopped following me; the only sound that was heard was the leaves crackling under my sneakers. “I wasn’t using you Cass, I would never do that.”
“It sure as hell felt that.” My voice went wobbly; I could feel my eyes start to swell.
“But you weren’t, you shouldn’t be offended. I went to you because I knew I could trust you, you had an answer for everything.”
“Do you think I wanted to give love advice to my best friend? That’s not what I’m here for.”
He sighs angrily shaking his head. “Why do you keep complaining about giving me love advice?”
Tears finally escaped, tricking down my face and onto my t-shirt.
“It’s hard when the guy you love is in love with another girl. It hurts even more when you’re helping him, but that doesn’t matter. I’m just sitting on the side line cheering you on, even if it hurt inside. I was doing what made you happy, I forgot all about mine.” My feet made a move before he could say anything, I ran down the streets as tears cascaded from me.
I doubt he’d heard what I said at the end, my feet were in full force running home. Everything started to blur into one, the streets, my life, our friendship.
You may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong reason. But one thing is for sure; mistakes help us find the right person.
I’m like any other best friend out there; the only thing I did wrong was falling in love with him.
This was my mistake.