Train to My Heart

James Noble. How was it possible that he was here? We hadn’t seen each other in almost two years. His warm eyes made me remember all of the fuzzy warm memories that I had long suppressed.

“Jamie!” I approached him from behind, surprising him with my arms around his neck.

“Hello, my sweet!” He spun around under the weight of my arms to provide a kiss on my lips. I smiled into his lips.

We were still in our “honeymoon” phase of our relationship – had been for the past six months since he had asked me out. I had surely been in shock just as long… Finishing my freshman year, I hadn’t expected the summer to be quite as exciting as it had been.

We had met at the local animal shelter, where I decided to waste away my summer volunteering with little animals and he was forced to work there because his father was head-vet at the facility. James was the rich kid at the school. Popular girls swooned dramatically as he would walk by, and less-popular girls – the group that I fit into – swooned inside their heads for fear of being picked on by the others. Even the older high school girls, who usually steered away from the freshmen, were caught staring at him. He was a distant impossibility for me – hell, the fact of ever having a high school sweetheart was far out of reach. I was the girl whose head was screwed on just a little wrong; I hid my head in notebooks instead of sticking my head up further for trying to win popularity. That summer had changed my outlook on things:

“I really like you.” He texted me as I was preparing to see the fireworks on the Fourth of July. “Maybe you don’t feel that way, but it’s how I feel and I can’t keep pretending that I don’t have these feelings for you.”
I had skipped out on the annual “family” viewing of the fireworks and had joined James on the top of his roof for a perfect view – and my first goodnight kiss.

We had spent the rest of that summer together, stealing away precious minutes in the brush of the trail while we were supposed to be giving the dogs some exercise. The long nights of summer came and went, and we were back in school. No matter the scoffs from girls or the teasing from guys separated us. It only drew us closer. He was the boy who walked me down the halls with his fingers tangled in mine; the boy who kissed me until I was breathless. I was so in love with him…

His depressed sigh awoke me from my memories, and I was once again forced into looking into the deep brown eyes of the man that I had spent almost five years with – and had planned spending the rest of my life with. Things hadn’t worked out that well for us, though…
He had dreams of being a surgeon; I had found my calling in writing. At the end of our summer before our freshman year of college, we split ways. We stood at the edge of a train station platform, much like the one we would be reaching soon, and held onto one another, kissing. I cried; I couldn’t see spending so much time away from him. There was Thanksgiving and Christmas, everyone had assured me, but I was too dependent on my Jamie to see those little slivers of time together fueling our relationship. No, I cried not only because I would be letting go of him for the next few months, but I was also quite sure that I would be letting him go for good…

Jamie Noble had been the love of my life, but, standing before him right there, he was my biggest fear…