Red

“Liz, you have to forget about him. You can’t keep letting it hold you back.”
“Do you know how hard it is to stop thinking about it? I haven’t stopped thinking about losing John since it happened. Every morning I wake up, thinking maybe he’ll be lying next to me, and he’s not. Do you know how much that fucking hurts, Jane?”
“Well fuck, Liz, of course I know it hurts, but you need to realize that there’s no changing what happened. And I know you probably think I’m an absolute bitch for saying that, but it needed to be said.”
Liz bites her lip, really pissed off at the same time that she understands where her friend is coming from. “Jane, I appreciate you trying to help. I just…Maybe I just need a bit more time?”
Jane sighs. “Elizabeth. You haven’t talked to anyone really in almost four months. Jesus Christ, don’t you think it’s time? Go over to his parents’ house. Hang out with his brothers. Go see what your guys’ old friends are up to. Just please, please, don’t sit around and fucking mope again.”
Jane gets up from her spot next to Liz on the bed and sighs, grabbing her coat from Liz’s desk chair. “Liz, I really need to go. I have grocery shopping to do and then I have work. I don’t have time for this anymore. Please, just, promise me you won’t sit in bed all day?”
Liz turns her head away from Jane, ignoring her completely. Jane nods. “Alright. Bye, Liz.”
After Jane leaves, Liz rolls over and closes her eyes, knowing she’s going to cry but not wanting to. She knows this is bad, that she shouldn’t be pushing everyone away when all they’re trying to do is help her get over John’s death. It’s even harder to forgive and forget than to remember, though.
“Get the fuck out of my face, John!”
“Elizabeth, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t think I don’t fucking know what’s been going on while you’ve been away on tour. Ken told me; you’ve been sleeping around. Fuck,” Liz wipes a hand over her face. “You know, my friends all told me that they figured something like this would happen eventually, but I knew I should give you a chance. People aren’t their pasts, you know?”
“Liz, please, you don’t understand.”
“I don’t fucking understand what, exactly, John? That you’ve been fucking groupies and having a swell time on tour while I’m home, alone?”
“Fuck! Elizabeth Rose, just let me fucking speak! If you’d just let me explain, Jesus,” John shouts, exasperated. “None of that fucking happened, okay? I got a little drunk at a bar in New York and some chick threw herself on me. You know how I get when I drink a lot, and we ended up back at the bus. Fuck, that makes it sound so bad. Liz, please, nothing fucking happened.”
“John, I don’t even know what to believe right now.”
“Why not fucking believe me?” John throws his arms in the air, obviously a little pissed off at Liz. “We’ve been together, what, two years? Why can’t you just trust me?” The last sentence comes out as a whisper, and it’s apparent that John’s done arguing with her.
“What happened after you went back to the bus?”
John sucks in a breath, biting his lip. “We got back and Kennedy was the only one there. He talked me out of it and kicked the girl off the bus. I swear, Liz; nothing happened. Not then, not ever.”
Liz turns away from him, crossing her arms. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, sighing. “I’m sorry I overreacted and I’m sorry for not trusting you. I just don’t want to lose you, as cliché as that sounds.”
John grins, striding over to wrap his arms around her from behind and kiss the crook of her neck. “It’s fine, baby. I forgive you.”
She nods, leaning her head back so she can look him in the eyes. “God, I’m a fucking idiot. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’d ever do if I lost you, John.”
“Well, you’ll never have to know, babe. You never will.”
Liz grabs the pillow from his side of the bed, throws it over her face and lets out a scream; one she’d needed to let out but just didn’t know it.