Nightmare

“What are my choices?”

My voice was strong. My head was high. My body stood proud. All of that was looked past because in my eyes, you could see the fear.

Jimmy stood beside me. He looked so sad. I just wanted to make it better. I didn’t want him to be sad. I just wished I knew why he was sad.

I turned my attention back to Rebekah. Her eyes held a knowing glint. Her eyes weren’t on me, they were on Jimmy. What the hell? Why should she concern herself with Jimmy?

‘Jealous?’ My thoughts rang. I shook myself out of my thoughts as Axel began to speak.

“Your choices, Katherine, are great choices. We do not wish you to make a hasty decision. Think on it. You’ll have a day,” he paused, “You can continue on and be with James in the Afterlife, watching over your family. See them grow and move on,” he paused once more, “or you can have a second chance.” I blinked.

What would a second chance hold? What would it be? Would Jimmy stay with me?

“A second chance… What does that mean?” I whispered.

“It means that you can start over. You wouldn’t go back to the moment you were killed… you would wake up present day. You would wake up in a hospital, and carry on as if this never happened.” I opened my mouth to speak. Axel held his hand up. “James would not get a second chance. He would continue into the Afterlife.”

“Then I stay with Jimmy.” My voice spoke with a sense of finality.

“We don’t want you to rush into your choice Katherine. We gave you a day. A day is when we take your decision.” Rebekah spoke. I glared at her.

“I don’t need to think on it. I go where Jimmy goes!” I spat venomously at her. I decided I didn’t like her much. I didn’t like how she stood so close to Jimmy.

“Kat, give it a day.” Jimmy told me. He grasped my arms and pulled me to him. “Think about it. You could live again. Be with Brian, have kids…” Jimmy’s voice broke off. A small smile appeared on his face. He kissed me. “A day to think, take it Kat.” Jimmy demanded. I sighed.

“A day, then I’ll give my decision. It will remain the same though.” I answered.

I was struck down from the Counsel moments later, Jimmy by my side. He still held my arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“What do you know that I don’t Jimmy?” I whispered. He smiled, it was a broken smile.

“I know a great deal more than you could ever know.” Jimmy didn’t watch me, he watched behind me. “I have to go, Kat. I can’t cloud your judgment.” I raised an eyebrow. “Rebekah’s orders.” I snorted.

“I don’t like her.” I stated. My voice was dead and held no room for discussion.

“Why? Because you know she likes me?” He teased. I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe.” He laughed.

“Then you should know… That I don’t like her, I love you.” Jimmy kissed the corner of my mouth. I grinned up at him.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I’ll be back in an hour.” Jimmy said and stepped back. My arms fell to my sides. With one last glance towards me, he disappeared. It was only then that I realized his wings were white, not grey.

I sighed as I took in my surroundings. We were in the same spot we had been in before the Counsel called for us. Brian’s basement. I realized that I no longer referred to it as our basement. It didn’t feel right. My picture no longer hung on the wall. It rested against it with a tarp covering it.

That was no doubt Michelle’s doing.

I took my time in walking up the stairs. This was a big decision. I realized this. I wanted to stay with Jimmy, but I wanted to live again as well. I wanted a second chance. I just didn’t want it with Brian. I wanted it with Jimmy.

Who was I supposed to talk to about this?

I wanted someone to help me figure this out. Someone who wouldn’t be clouded over with judgment of wanting me to take the second chance, someone who had been my friend for the longest time.

Someone like Zacky.

I closed my eyes and focused on him. Within seconds I stood in a room barren of any decorations but amps and guitars. Zacky stood in the middle of the mess searching through the mess trying to find something.

“Need some help?” I asked. Zacky jumped and spun around. He put one hand to his chest and glared at me.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that.” I smirked.

‘You aren’t going to have much longer Zacky.’ I thought.

“Sorry.” I said simply. He moved out from all the mess and crossed over to me.

“S’okay. No, I don’t think I need any help. Jason just asked me to look for something.” He explained. “You, however, look like you could use some help.” I smiled.

“You know me to well, Zacky.” I laughed as he did a little gay hand gesture and giggled. “Nice, Zack.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“Come on.” He gestured for me to follow him.

We exited the room and began walking down a long hallway that circled around and connected to a stage and thousands of seats. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up a winding staircase that led to a balcony overlooking the stage. He walked over to the railing and looked out.

“So what’s up?” He asked me.

“Karoline. She plotted my murder.” Zacky’s head snapped to mine. His eyes were wide and his breathing was sharp.

“What!?” He yelled. I winced.

“Yeah. Shocking I know.” I breathed out before taking a sharp breath. “The Counsel has given me two decisions…” Zacky was quick to cut me off.

“Counsel?”

“Yeah, the Counsel of Angels, you meet them at the Gates of Heaven.” Zacky’s eyes were really wide. It was almost comical. “As I was saying… They’ve given me two choices. I can move on to the Afterlife and be with Jimmy, watching you and the guys move on,” I paused, “or I can have a second chance. That second chance would involve me waking up in hospital after 7 months, and continuing on with my life as if everything that happened while I was a ghost… never happened.” Zacky nodded.

“Tough decision.”

“Believe me, I know.”

It grew quiet for a few minutes. We watched as Matt and Brian, who had joined the crew members on stage seconds before, did sound check. Zacky made a hand motion towards Brian.

“You are going to talk this over with Brian?”

“No. That’s why I came to you. You are my best friend, Zacky.” He nodded.

“He’d be on board for the whole second chance. I’d give you advice.”

“Exactly.”

He sighed and rubbed his hand across your face. “I think you should do what you think is best Kat. We,” he motioned to the stage where Matt and Brian stood, “We’ll be okay without you. Sure we will miss you like hell, but we’ll be okay. I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t want you to take the second chance because I do want you to. But I know you would be happy with Jimmy. He would be happy. There isn’t anything that I would want more than for my two best friends to be happy. I think you should move on.” Zacky trailed off after that.

I exhaled. Zacky was right. I would be happy with Jimmy. I know I would be. He was like my missing piece. The person that completed me, would I take the second chance and just settle for Brian?

“Thanks Zacky.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed as hard as I could. He returned the hug with as much enthusiasm.

“I think you should talk with the guys to. Together.” I nodded.

“I think I will.” I kissed Zacky’s cheek.

~

It was a few hours later that I found myself sitting on the tour bus with everyone. Jimmy had showed back up, but left when he knew I was talking with the guys.

“So what’s up, Kat?” Arin called from his seat by the door. Zacky stood just behind me.

“Well… I’ve already talked to Zacky about this. He’s given me some insight on what he thinks I should do. Now I want to know what you think.” I took in a deep breath. “Earlier today, Karoline was caught and is now sitting in jail for plotting my murder,” The guys gasped, “Now the Counsel has given me two choices. The Counsel is a counsel of Angels. You meet them at the Gates of Heaven.” I answered that when I noticed Johnny open his mouth. “My choices are either to move on into the Afterlife and be with Jimmy, or have a second chance. I would wake up in a hospital and carry on like nothing ever happened.”

It was quiet. The guys all held different facial expressions. Matt’s being one of indifference, Johnny being confused, Brian’s being happy, and Arin’s was thoughtful. It was then that they all opened there mouths at once and they answered with different answers. Brian’s being the loudest.

“Take the second chance!” He shot out of his seat and grabbed my shoulders. “Take it, Kat! We can be together again.” Behind Brian, Matt’s face was one of pain.

“I think Kat should do whichever she wants!” Johnny interjected.

“She should move on!” Matt disagreed.

“Guys, let her do whichever!” Arin added.

“Shut up!” Zacky yelled as the guys began arguing. They all turned to Zacky. During the whole interaction I had jumped up onto the bar. “Guys, she wants you opinion, she wants help, not you fuckers jumping down her throat telling her what she should do.” They all looked down ashamed.

“Sorry Kat.” Matt whispered.

“It’s fine. Guys, I only have,” I looked at the clock on the wall, “Three hours to make a decision. I’ve already told Axel and Rebekah that I wanted to stay with Jimmy, but he thinks I should think on it.”

‘With good reason, Kat. I know things that will happen if you choose your second chance.’ Jimmy’s voice floated into my head.

“I said she should move on.” Zacky told them. Brian glared at him. “What! She should be fucking happy! Not have to settle for you, Brian.” Zacky said.

“Zack.” I glared at him. He sighed and apologized to him. Brian’s face reminded me of a wounded puppy.

“You should do what you want Kat.” Johnny told me. “I want you to be happy and know that I’ll be fine without you.” I grinned at the small man.

I had worried about Johnny. He was my little garden gnome, a drunken one at that.

“I think you should move on. That’s not because I can’t bear seeing you happy with Brian. It’s because I want you to be happy. I know Jimmy makes you happy.” Matt whispered from where he stood. He wouldn’t look at me. I know in a way he thinks I’m mad at him because of his confession. I know he and Brian had a big blow out because of it as well.

“That means a lot Matt. I’m not mad at you though. So stop staring at the ground and look at me!” He looked up. I smiled at him. “Brian would make me happy to, you know.” I glanced at the man that had held my affections for 6 years. I’d been with him for 4 and engaged to him for 1. He was staring at me with his eyebrows furrowed. He had the kicked puppy look working right now. It made me feel bad.

“He would.” Matt agreed. There was a ‘but’ hanging in the air though he added nothing more.

“I think you should do whatever makes you happy, Kat.” Arin told me. “You could be happy either way.” I nodded.

“You already know which one I’m all for.” Brian whispered and walked out of the room.

I glanced at all of the guys. I knew I had to go after Brian. I would regret it if I didn’t.

“Excuse me.”

I walked outside of the bus to find Brian at the very back of it with a cigarette dangling from his lips. He didn’t glance at me as I approached. Didn’t even acknowledge me. I’m not so sure he even realized I was standing there. He was so focused on whatever it was he was thinking about.

“Brian?”

His head snapped over to me. A tendril of smoke escaped from his parted lips. I grinned at the familiarity of the situation.

“What’s up Kat?” He asked.

Of course he would act like nothing inside had just happened. That was him. Ignoring his problems all of the time. He wouldn’t be Brian, no; he wouldn’t be Synyster Gates if he didn’t do that. That was his ego. Not him.

“Are you okay?”

It was just like that. His face crumbled. Tears spilled out of his eyes and he drew in a ragged breath. I shook my head.

“It’s just…” He trailed off.

“I know.” I whispered. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his middle. The cigarette that he previously held was abandoned as he wrapped his arms around me. He buried his face into my hair.

“I can’t lose you again Kat.” His voice held a pleading note to it. I looked up at him. The tears that tracked down his cheek broke my heart. I quickly wiped them away. “I love you Kat.”

“I love you to Brian.”

“But you love Jimmy more.” His voice was so broken. I didn’t respond. “I think you should do whatever. Move on, stay. It won’t make a difference because in the end… It’ll always be Jimmy.”

“I have to go.” I whispered. I leaned up and pressed my lips to his. It was a desperate kiss on his part. He wanted to drag it out. I pulled away.

“Tell the guys that I love them.”

~

“How did it go?” Those were the first words out of Jimmy’s mouth.

“You already know.” I said with a smile.

“Just as I know your decision.” I said nothing. Just kissed him.

“What do you think I should do?”

He looked away. With his eyes full of pain and voice choked with tears he answered, “I know this is going to sound odd, not what you are expecting from me… But I think you should take your second chance.”

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you.” Was his response. I exhaled in frustration. “Something will bring you great joy if you do stay.” I raised my eyebrow. “It’ll bring me joy. You would remember everything that happened in Limbo. You would remember and so would the guys.” He told me. I had been wondering about that. “We have to go.” He said as the ringing began. My eyes filled with tears.

~

“Do you have your answer Kat?” Axel questioned me.

“I do.” I answered. “I choose…”