Beneath Your Perfect

“So when is this famous boyfriend of yours showing up?” My favourite cousin Jazmine asked me, falling onto the couch beside Lilly and I. I smiled over at Jaz as she fixed her long blonde hair up into a messy bun over her head.

We were the exact opposite in appearance; her hair was blonde while mine was black. Her hair was curly while mine was dead straight. My brown eyes contrasted with her blue, she was as thin as a model while I had curves. Yet our personalities matched so easily sometimes it was like we were one person.

“He should be here soon. He said he would probably be late.” I responded to her checking the time on my phone.

“Wait until you meet him, he’s very charming.” Lilly announced from next to me making Jaz and I start laughing.

“God I’ve missed you two.” She said affectionately wrapped her long arms around both of us. Jaz, her brother and my uncle and aunt had moved to the states five years ago. We all missed each other dearly but my uncles business was better over there so we lived through it. Skyping sessions happened nearly every week. Jaz however had decided to come back after finding out about my book last week. She said we had to celebrate together.

“How did he react about the book?” She asked me as my eyes instantly focused on the TV in front of me. I bit my lip and felt Jaz’s gaze burning into my face.

“She hasn’t told him.” Lilly supplied easily, with a smirk as I nudged her in the ribs.

“I’m sorry, what? Jade? He hasn’t read it?” She hissed at me as I turned to meet her glare. I sighed before shaking my head at her.

“Look before you start lecturing me, I’ve already heard this from Aria and Sarah.” I told her bitterly, sick of hearing it from them.

“Well obviously they weren’t clear enough. How could you not tell him before getting it published? It’s fucking about him.” Her voice rose up at the end.

“Language Jaz!” My mothers voice sounded from the kitchen where she was preparing dinner with Sarah and Aria.

“Sorry Aunty.” Jaz called back before focusing her attention back on me. Ignoring her I stood up and began to head out of the room.

“I thought you loved him.” I heard her say from behind me.

“What?” I asked surprised, spinning around to see her standing not far behind me.

“Just from the way you talked about him and what you did. And God Jade by the way you’ve written your book. You’re so clearly in love with him aren’t you?” I bit my lip at her words and refused to meet her gaze as I thought more about it.

Liam and my relationship had changed so much since the start. He wasn’t the cocky pop star that I thought he was. Who he was to me had changed. I never expected to like him as much as I did when this started. I never expected that he would be the one I allowed to read my notebooks. He knew everything about me. More than my family or even Aria and Sarah knew. That said a lot about our relationship right there.

He made me happy and I made him happy. Love was a strong word but so were my feelings for Liam.

“You don’t have to be so scared of love.” Jaz said softly as Aria and Sarah came into the room. Lilly had left the moment I had stood up. Their gaze shifted between us, mouth hanging open slightly.

“Love?” Aria gasped out surprised. Before I could respond the doorbell rang. We all froze and turned in the direction of the hallway.

“Girls can you get the door!” None of us moved until my mum appeared in the doorway. “What are you all doing?” She asked perplexed before heading towards the door herself. I heard her voice as she greeted the person, Liam’s voice replied. I instantly unfroze and headed towards the door. Aria grabbed my arm along the way.

I turned around and our eyes met, she opened her mouth to say something but I pulled away. Now was not the time to talk about what was just said.

I rounded the corner of the hallway and saw my mum walking this way chatting with Liam happily. His eyes strayed from hers to mine and a small smile appeared on his face. I noticed how exhausted he looked. I knew he had been in the studio all day but I could see the dark bags under his eyes and the way his shoulder were hunched forward slightly. I was surprised he was still standing.

“Hey babe.” He said softly when he reached me, reaching down to a press a kiss to my head and pulling me into a hug. I melted into his embrace and breathed him in deeply. I clung to his shirt probably more than necessary but I like the feeling of him holding me, it blocked out everything else around me and made it feel like just us two. Like there was nothing else to worry about. Working out our feelings didn’t matter because he was holding me and I was holding him and that was just enough.

“You look tired.” I replied to him, pulling my head back but still holding onto his shirt. He let his hand fall to rest on my waist and nodded at me slightly.

“It’s been a long week.” He shrugged at me. I frowned and bit my lip worriedly. He needed sleep.
“Are you okay? I thought you would be excited that your cousins back?” He asked me his eyes searching my face for something. I plastered on a smile that I knew Liam could tell was fake as his own smile faltered a little in return.

“Of course. Are you ready to meet her?” I asked him trying to sound as happy as possible. He nodded at me as I dragged him to where I left the other girls. Mum called out letting us know dinner would be ready in ten minutes.

“Where’s your dad?” Liam asked looking around.

“Out the back with my brothers being real men or some bullshit like that.” I shrugged at him as he shot me an amused look. I cleared my throat as we entered the lounge room where Jaz, Aria and Sarah were all chatting quietly amongst themselves. I shot them all a pointed look before turning to Jaz.

“Liam this is my cousin Jaz. Jaz this is Liam.” I said quickly introducing them. Jaz smiled and stood up reaching forward to shake Liam’s hand politely. Liam moved forward to shake her hand but I held on tightly. He looked at me confused as I blushed and quickly let go.

He leant forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek as I reprimanded myself. I needed to start acting normal, Liam would be able to tell if I was freaking out about something.

“It’s nice to meet you Liam, I feel like I know so much about you already!” Jaz smiled sweetly at Liam as he smiled back. “Like I’ve read a book that’s just about you.”

My eyes widened at her remark as hey eyes met mine. I couldn’t believe she said that. It was definitely uncalled for. Liam’s face scrunched up in confusion, switching between us both.

“Why don’t you go and see my dad Liam? He’s just outside.” I said quietly to him, my eyes breaking away from Jaz’s stare. He looked at me worried before nodding and leaving the room.

I waited until I heard the back door shut before I started on Jaz.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hissed at her so my mother wouldn’t here. Her eyes softened slightly.

“I’m trying to help, you need to tell him.”

“Because now is such a perfect time Jaz! Honestly can you not see how tired he is, how tired I am! Just stay the hell out of it. This is my life, mine and I don’t need any of you interfering and telling me how to live it. I know what I’m doing!” I hissed at all three girls staring at me wide eyed. I had finally lost the last of my patience with them.

“Stay out of it! Got it.” I grumbled before leaving them and heading back into the kitchen where mum was starting to dish the food onto plates.

“Everything okay in there?” She asked me hesitantly.

“Just peachy.” I responded grumpily as I helped Lilly set the table.

“Lilly got get the boys.” My mum said to my little sister who quickly ran from the room.

“You know you can tell me anything?” Mum said softly from the kitchen counter. I smiled up at her and walked over pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“I know mum, everything’s not the greatest right now but it will be. I promise.” She smiled and pulled me into a short hug before going back to shoveling out the food.

“You’re father and I are proud of you, you know that right?”

“I know mum.” I responded feeling slightly lighter.

“Jade.” I turned around at Jaz’s voice. Her mouth was turned into a frown and her eyes were hard to read. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to I just…” She stopped short as four loud boys entered with Lilly.

“It’s fine.” I muttered to him before letting Liam wrap his arm around my waist and rest his chin on my head. I liked the small smile that was on his face when he entered. It was good to know that he was getting along with my family.

We all took our places around the table and began to eat the food that was prepared for tonight. The boys were the loudest tonight, which was a surprise since normally Aria, Sarah, Jaz and I were the loudest when we were together.

“You’re awfully quiet tonight?” Liam questioned softly into my ear so no one could hear.

“Am I?” I shrugged at him, smiling softly before going back to eating my food; I could feel his eyes on me.

“Come on you lot! We’re here to celebrate Jade’s new book, I think it’s time for the champagne.” My father announced. Jared practically ran to get the bottle. I think everyone could tell the awkward atmosphere hanging over the table.

A glass was poured out for all of us as my father insisted on making a toast.

“To my wonder and beautiful daughter. May your book receive nothing but good reviews and plenty of money.” We all laughed at him. “I want you to know Jade that we are all so proud of you and I know that your future is going to bright and full of best sellers.” Everyone cheered and clinked their glasses together as I smiled at Dad happily. He winked back before we all took a drink. I felt the smile split across my face at the love I was feeling from my family. All previous conversations aside, I knew I was extremely lucky to have them all.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as Liam pressed a small kiss to my cheek. Instantly Jared loudly and jokingly got up him for it. Liam surprisingly kept up with Jared’s banter. I looked at him surprised to see a large smile across his face, Jared seemed please with him as well.

My eyes turned to meet Jaz as she stared at me. I quickly excused myself to the bathroom needing to be away from everyone just for a moment, just to think.

I had started writing the book before I liked Liam; I had continued to write the book when our real relationship began. And now I had to wonder when my book was going to be published, did I love him? And if I did how did that change anything? I love writing I love being an author. Should I have changed that because I love him?

I turned around as someone knocked on the bathroom door. Jaz peeked her head around the corner. I sighed and turned around to stare back into the mirror hanging above the sink.

“I’m sorry what I said to Liam was uncalled for.” She began, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind her. “But I wasn’t wrong about the love thing was I?”

I sighed and closed my eyes briefly before turning around to come face to face with her.

“What if I am? What do I do? I don’t even know what it means for us or how he feels.”

“Then ask him, tell him you love him. Then explain to him about the book. He needs to read about it before it gets published because then you know it’s going to be everywhere. Don’t you see that heaps more people are going to pay attention to the characters in your book? Anyone who knows anything about Liam and his life in the past year will know that he is the main character in your book. Every single gossip magazine out there is going to pick this up.”

“I guess I never really thought about it before I agreed to it being published. I just, it’s not completely about him. He started the inspiration, I’ll say that much. But it’s set in a whole other context, another time. He may have started it but he’s not that character. And I’m not the leading female.”

“Tell him this, not me. He needs to know Jade, soon. You’ve already left it too long.” Jaz pressed a kiss to my forehead before puling me back down the stairs to everyone else. I took my seat down next to Liam and grabbed his hand under the table. He squeezed my hand softly before continuing his conversation with my dad.

After dinner, I helped mum clean up before stating it was time to go home. I knew Liam was tired but there was one more thing I had to do tonight before I could say goodbye to him. I had already asked him to follow me home before he headed home.

“It’s going to be okay you know.” Jaz said as she pulled me into a hug before smiling at Liam and pulling him into a hug as well.

“We can come over later if you want.” Aria said instantly by my side. I smiled at her and squeezed my hand.

“I think I’ll be okay tonight but maybe after he reads it I might need you.” I said softly as Sarah wrapped her arms around my waist and put her head on my shoulder as we watched Liam say goodbye to my family.

“I think he loves you too you know.” Sarah said softly, Aria agreed instantly. I could feel the warmness spread through my chest at the thought. Loving Liam and being loved back was definitely an attractive thought.

Liam turned to me when he was done and I couldn’t help but smile happily at him, he returned the smile. I said goodbye to my parents before heading outside with Liam, he pressed a small kiss to my lips before we got into our separate cars and headed to mine.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been very quiet tonight?” Liam asked me as he jogged over towards me after we both parked our cars. I nodded and smiled up at him.

“I’ve just decided something.” I told him, leading him towards the stairs.

“And what is that?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.” I beamed at him before dragging him towards my flat and instantly shoving the key in the door, opening it wide.

“Wait here,” I said to him before rushing into my room and grabbing the large stack of papers banded together on my desk. I rushed back out to Liam with a small and nervous smile.

“I want you to read it.” I said before pushing my finished book in front of him. He stared down at it shocked for a moment before taking it out of my hands. A smile lit up his face. He surged forward suddenly and pushed his mouth against mine. A small squeal left my mouth before I laughed softly and kissed him back. His tongue slid easily into my mouth as we moved together.

“Thank you.” Liam said softly, nudging his nose against mine before pressing his lips to mine again. I could feel my heart thumping wildly, whether it was from nerves or the closeness of Liam’s body, I wasn’t sure.

“Can you just promise me one thing?”

“Anything.” He responded immediately.

“Just read all of it before you react okay? Just read it all first.” I almost pleaded with him as his face turned confused before promising anyway. I could see him try to stifle a yawn after that.

“Go home Liam and go to bed. You need your sleep.” I told him gently guiding him towards the door. He rolled his eyes down at me.

“I’m going to be going home and reading this.” He told me, holding up my book like it was worth all the money in the world. I eyed it for a moment before meeting his eyes.

“I really think you will fall asleep before you open a page.” I tried to joke with him. He smiled down and pressed his lips to mine again. I didn’t really want him to leave but I also didn’t want him to read the book in front of me.

“Goodnight love.” He said simply pressing a kiss to my head and began to turn around. I knew this was the moment I should say it, just in case I couldn’t later on.

“Liam.” I said quickly, urgency in my voice. Liam turned around and took the step back to me. He could probably see the panic that had settled into my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He asked instantly, his free hand coming to rest on my cheek. I took a deep breath.

“Nothing I just wanted to tell you something.” I said to him, his eyes captured mine and I couldn’t look away as he encouraged me on. “I think I love you.”

I watched as he took a deep breath in, almost choking in the process. His eyes turned wide but never left mine. My heart was beating so hard it was almost painful and I couldn’t hear anything except the blood rushing in my head. I was panicking so much that I knew the only thing keeping me from bolting was Liam’s hand on my face. His contact was keeping me in this spot.

When the silence became a bit too long and my mind registered that he wasn’t going to say it back his lips suddenly met mine. A noise sounded and I wasn’t sure if it was from my mouth or his but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the softness of his lips on mine. The feeling of being able to place my hands against his neck or anywhere I wanted to. The feeling of his body placed against mine was almost a drug. I started to get lightheaded from the lack of oxygen to my brain but I didn’t care. I realised that I could die right now from lack of oxygen and I wouldn’t mind. As this thought registered in my brain, Liam pulled away.

I instantly pouted at the lack of contact as my eyes fluttered open and I could suddenly hear Liam and I panting, trying to get enough air into our lungs to keep living. My eyes connected with Liam’s and he almost took my breath away again. His eyes were sparkling, literally sparkling brown. I had never seen Liam’s eyes so happy in my life and I knew nothing would be more beautiful than his eyes in this very moment.

“I think I love you too.”