Reminiscing

(Zack's POV)

"Zachary Baker."
"Here." I called out as I kept my head hung and my back slouched as I continued to doodle in my notebook.
"Here" mocked a voice from behind me. I rolled my eyes as the boy behind me leaned up. "Hey Baker... you uh... you know you have a rip in your pants, right?"
"Shut it, Sullivan. If it weren't for you, the rip wouldn't be there." I mumbled.
"Me...? What did I do?" He was playing innocent.
"You know what you did.... last week you cornered me by that fence with the nasty pitbull behind it..."
"What?" He asked with half a laugh. I turned and glared at him.
"You know very well that the dog bit me in the ass and ripped my pants as you stood there laughing, jerkoff... look, I don't like you and you don't like me...We have mutual friends and that's it..."
"Y-you don't like me?" He asked, pretending to be hurt. "But I thought you were in love with me?"
"You put me through hell every fucking day, Jimmy. Every day is something else.. either you taunt me because I'm bisexual, or you push me around because you know I won't fight back and risk losing my best friend..." the bell rang and Jimmy stood up from his seat.
"Oh how wrong you are, Baker..." he purred into my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. "I don't taunt you because you're bisexual..." he walked away, leaving me confused, so I packed up and ran after him
"What do you mean by that, Sullivan?" I asked, pulling my bag over my shoulder.
"Skip the day with me?" I stopped dead in my tracks, a sea of people crashing into me, pushing me forward.
"What? Why? What are you going to do?" I asked, glancing over at him. He stopped abruptly, turning towards his locker.
"Nothing bad." He looked at me with his icy blue eyes and flashed me a smile. "I just want to talk to you... I uhm... I don't think I can keep a secret any longer..."
"O-oh? Okay...?" I shook my head, confused as hell. What the fuck? Was I asleep? I leaned against the lockers next to his and smacked my head against them, the pain being real. "Ouch..." I mumbled, rubbing my head. I heard Jimmy laugh before his locker closed.
"Ready?"
"I don't know.. I don't trust you."
"How can I make you see that I'm being 100% true? I've never once acted like this to you...and if you want, I can get Matt to prove it, too... even Brian... if you want, ask them..." I nodded and walked down the hall, rounding the corner to see Matt's locker.
"Should I trust Jimmy?"
"With what?" He asked, looking back at me before spotting Jimmy not too far behind me.
"I don't know, he said he has to talk to me... and that he's serious." He shut his locker and turned, looking like a deer in the headlights.
"You're gonna tell him??" He was staring at Jimmy.
"It's time." Jimmy said as he nodded. I just stood there confused as hell.
"Yes, Zack. Listen to this man very carefully... and just know that I approve." Okay? I turned to Jimmy with a sigh.
"I trust him more than I trust you, so let's go..." I started walking towards the parking lot as I began playing every possible scenario in my mind, Matt's words ringing in my head. What did he mean by he approves?
"Where do you wanna go?" I asked as we got into his car.
"Well uhm.. I kinda got kicked out so I've been switching it up... spending a few nights at the laundry mat, and then a few nights at Brian's... so uhm..."
"My parents shouldn't be home..." he nodded and drove to my place, not even needing directions... which I thought was odd. I got out and went around the side of my house, pulling the key out from it's hiding spot under the gutter before I went back to the front door. I jabbed the key into the lock, turning the handle with a twist of my wrist and stepped inside.
"Nice house..." he whispered as if we were sneaking in.
"Thanks." I said bluntly. "You hungry or thirsty?"
"Uhm... no."
"Okay... well then follow me..." I went up the steps and heard Jimmy following me. Once we were in my room with the door closed, I plopped onto my bed and looked up at him as he sat on the edge. "Okay, shoot. What secret can't you keep anymore?" I used my hands to put air quotes around the word secret.
"You said I don't like you and that I taunt you because you're bisexual... but you're wrong..."
"Okay?"
"It's opposite... I DO like you and I taunt you because I WANT you..." my jaw hit the floor. "Remember... I'm not lying... Matt even said he approves..." What the fuck? Really?
"What? Hold on......what?" I was in shock.
"I have a big gay crush on you. I pick on you because I want you to notice me..."
"I have noticed you, Jim. You didn't have to act the way you did... I don't know what to say... I don't know if I should believe this or not..."
"But Matt..." I held up my hand, cutting him off while I shook my head
"That's the only reason why I sort of believe this... but why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just talk to me?" He shrugged and looked down.
"Nervous... scared..." he mumbled.
"You know that I've liked you since I met you... you made fun of me for it..." I shook my head with a sigh.
"I know... but I thought you were joking. You only mentioned it once..."
"Because you laughed in my face. And it hurt like hell..." I cut him off again.
"Look, the truth is coming out now... you've been single for a week or two... and I wanted to tell you how I feel before I didn't get a chance..." I looked up as Jimmy stood up, walking to the door. I was playing with fire, but I didn't want to pass up the chance to kiss the guy who was the reason I became bisexual. Jimmy stepped out of my room, causing my heart to sink.
"Jim.." I jumped up and ran to the door before he shut it. I opened the door before I grabbed his face, pulling him down into a gentle kiss. My eyes fell closed and fireworks exploded. It was everything I imagined it would be and the fact that he ran his hand down my back, pulling me closer made it so much better... almost like one of my dreams come true.
We broke the kiss, our eyes opening then locking onto each other. He smiled the most beautiful smile and pulled me closer, planting his lips on mine again, but only for a second.
"I've wanted to do that for the longest time now..."
"Me too..." I said, feeling blush creep to my cheeks.
"I know you and Chris just broke up... but when the time is right, would you be my boyfriend...?" I giggled softly, placing my hand on his cheek.
"I thought i'd never hear those words leave your mouth..."
"So is that a yes...?" He asked, his eyes flicking back and forth as he looked me in the eyes.
"That's a fuck yeah." I laughed. "And the time is perfect. Chris left me cause I didn't put out..." I looked down and blushed, pulling away before going back to my bed.
"You went a year with out having sex with the dude?" I shrugged and looked up.
"It didn't feel right.... I wasn't into him... he was just filling the void. And he only wanted me because he liked the way I looked, and because I am a virgin.. well... at least to guys..."
"O-oh. I thought you said that you found him cheating...?"
"I did, but it didn't hurt me at all...I was glad to be rid of the jerk!"
"Wow, Zack. So... we're together?" Oh the awkwardness of this whole thing...I nodded with a smile, trying not to add to the awkwardness.
"Until you get sick of me." I said with a laugh. Boy, I hope this isn't a sick joke that the guys were playing on me.... if it was, then I was going to hang myself.
"Or until you get sick of me..."
"You have been terrorizing me for years and I haven't gotten THAT sick of you..." I laughed. I turned to my tv and turned it on. "Bet you I could whoop your ass in Mortal Kombat!"
"You're on, Baker!" He sat next to me and grabbed a hold of the second controller as I set everything up. I stood up and bent down to turn on the Sega and soon enough, I felt something on my ass. I looked back to see his hand pull back and him look around as if he didn't do anything.
"Keep your hands to yourself mister..." I said with a flirty giggle
"Sorry. I've been dying to do that though... now that its out of my system, I'm done."
"Good." I said, turning back to the game system. I smiled the whole time, though...Jimmy Sullivan had just touched my ass.
A few months went by and things had been great. Jimmy and I had become inseparable and our friends accepted us, for the most part. I mean, they thought it was weird how we went from enemies to lovers in such a short amount of time.. and Brian even thought it was a joke, but when they finally saw us together things clicked and they became supportive. They just begged us not to be too open in front of them, which we were totally cool with. My parents, however, weren't so supportive. When I told them that I was dating a boy, they sort of freaked out, even though they both knew I was bisexual. They told me that they thought it was a phase and that I was just curious, so when I told them that I was falling in love with Jimmy, shit hit the fan. They banned Jimmy from the house and Brian begged us not to get physical at his house, so we didn't really get a chance to be alone and comfortable.
I was at my locker throwing my book-bag in, my headphones blaring over my ears, when they were snatched off, making me jump. A hand covered my eyes and a body pressed up against my backside.
"Happy 2 months." A low voice purred into my ears, making my heart skip a beat. Jimmy's smell engulfed me and I smiled, lifting one hand to caress his arm before I pulled his hand off of my eyes and laced our fingers. I reached into my locker, grabbing a little gift box before I turned around in his arms.
"Happy 2 months!" I exclaimed, tip toeing to peck his lips. I held out the box with a grin and he held out a tiny gift bag. We exchanged items and I studied him as he opened the box.
"No way!" He exclaimed as he opened the box. He pulled out a silver chain with a handcuff charm, a grin on his face. "This is so cool, Zack! Thank you so much!" He hugged me tightly, kissing my lips as he unclasped the chain. He quickly looped it around his neck, clasping it easily. The handcuffs didn't have a sexual undertone. In the 2 months that we've dated, so far, I had learned all about Jimmy's enlarged heart... He always said that he'd felt like a prisoner, even before we dated. I always thought he was just being over-dramatic about school, but then he told me the truth and I made sense. "Open it already!" He squealed. I blinked and looked down at the baggie in my hand. I pulled out red tissue paper, looking up at him with a smirk.
"You fag..." I laughed, earning a nudge.
"I asked Val to help, so sue me." He laughed. "Come on! Before the bell rings!" He whined.
"Patience is a virtue, my love."
"Screw patience if you don't hurry up, I'm gonna rip it open and show you, myself." I laughed as he bounced in place as he huffed.
"Okay, okay." I pulled out a box and opened it, my jaw dropping as I saw a set of dog tags. Not just any dog tags... custom dog tags that had Misfits on one and Metallica on the other. On back of the Misfits dog tag it had my name and the date 10/6/1998, on back of the Metallica dog tag it had Jimmy's name and the same date. "No way! These are sick! Thank you so much! These must've cost you a fortune!!" He shrugged and smiled down at me.
"Love doesn't have a price." He pecked my lips. Butterflies flapped around inside of me and I looked up with a smile, getting on my tip toes, so I could act flirty.
"What do you say we ditch today...? Go back to my place...? My parents are working..." I smirked and twirled my fingers in his hair.
"Sure, what are we gonna do?" He asked, oblivious as to what I meant.
"We're gonna climb into my bed, cuddle, kiss.... and just let things fall into place..." I smirked.
"You sure you're ready for that...?"
"I've never been so sure in my life..."
"Alright. Let's go..." I nodded, turning back around to my locker, grabbing my stuff. I slammed my locker shut before we left hand in hand.
When we got to my house, I unlocked the door and pulled him up to my bedroom, throwing him onto my bed. Lips locked, clothes were shed, and I gave myself to Jimmy, with out even one doubt in my mind. He was gentle and caring, and I'd never felt so much pleasure in my life.
Too bad my mom came home early and found Jimmy and I tangled in each other's arms as we slept. I was grounded and they forbid me to see Jimmy ever again. Brian was a life saver, though... He would call me so Jimmy and I could at least talk. During school hours Jimmy would visit me between classes and during my gym class he'd wait behind the bleachers for me and when the coast was clear, I'd sneak back and cuddle in his arms. He was perfect and I had never thought I could be so happy, but Jimmy kept finding ways to make me happier every day.
The day of our 3rd month together, I opened my locker to see a piece of paper flutter to my feet. I picked it up, unfolding it with a curious look on my face. His handwriting was scribbled halfway down the page then there were doodles of me, of him, of us... of drums and music notes.
'Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.' I looked up, smiling as I held the paper to my chest. I felt someone standing behind me and I smiled.
"This poem is beautiful." I smiled. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck, humming a tune before he put his lips to my ear and began to sing. No, this wasn't a poem... the words were lyrics. He'd written a song for me. I spun around in his arms, staring into his eyes as he sang. I had no idea that I'd started tearing up until his thumb brushed against my cheek.
"Don't cry." He whispered before kissing the spot where he had brushed the tear away.
"I'm not." I said softly. "This is beautiful, Jimmy. I love it." I leaned up to kiss his lips with a smile. "I love you." His eyes twinkled and he beamed brighter than the sun.
"I love you too, Zack!" The bell rang and the hallways emptied, but we stood there staring into each other's eyes. He pulled me closer, humming the tune he had hummed before, and he started to dance with me, singing to me.
"Let's go." I said, breaking free from him.
"Where?"
"Anywhere. Fuck school. Fuck my parents... I am so in love with you Jimmy... and one day..." I slammed my locker shut before dragging Jimmy with me. "One day we won't have to hide. One day we'll be able to love each other with out being judged... one day, Jim, one day we will be married." I said as we got into his car.
"I'm down." I looked over at Jimmy, licking my lips. "Where to, my love?" Then it clicked.
"Las Vegas."
"What?"
"Let's go get married."
"I-I don't think we can... I don't think Vegas allows gay marriage..."
"No, they don't... but there are some chapels that allow civil union... it's just like gay marriage."
"Not really..." he said with a sigh. "But if you want..."
"I do, Jimmy. I want to be yours. Always and forever... even in the afterlife..." his smile returned and he started the engine.
"Your wish is my command." He threw the car in reverse, backed out, then floored it out of the parking lot. He popped in a Metallica CD and began to drum on the steering wheel as I began to play air guitar.
Hours had passed before we pulled up to a run down chapel. Jimmy cut the engine and we stepped out of the car, walking around the hood.
"This place is a dump..." Jimmy said, looking around. "The neighborhood is shit. I don't feel comfortable..."
"Jimmy, let's get in there, sign what we have to, and then be done..." I began walking ahead of him, pulling him until he yanked me back.
"It won't count, Zack... you know that right?" I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"It'll count in our eyes... and that's all that matters to me. One day we can marry each other legally... but for now it's you, me, this shit hole, and our vows."
You sure you're ready for this?" He asked softly.
"I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I want this..."
"Alright. Let's go." He smiled and walked ahead of me, pulling me into the chapel.
About an hour later, we emerged from the chapel, smiling widely at each other. "So that's it? We're basically married men, now."
"In our eyes, yes... on paper, yes. But to everyone else, no." I said with a smile. "So what do you want to do now, Mr. Sullivan?"
"Anything your little heart desires... Mr. Sullivan." He said as he unlocked his door and got in, reaching over to unlock my door. I smiled at the sound of that.
"Zachary James Sullivan." I grinned as I got into the passenger seat. "I like the sound of that."
"Me, too." He started the engine and took my hand, pulling out of the spot with ease. "So what do you want to do?" I shrugged then felt my stomach start to growl.
"We could grab something to eat?"
"You hungry?" He threw a glance at me as I nodded. "Alright. Let's see... there's fast food... but as newly weds we need to have class..." he looked around as he drove. "Hmm..."
"That place looks classy..." I pointed to a quaint little bistro on the corner of a street.
"So it does." He said and pulled into the turning lane. The light turned yellow as we were about to turn and a trash truck was approaching in the opposite lane. Jimmy looked determined to beat the truck, but I tightened my grip on his hand. He glanced at me so I shook my head no.
"Don't..." he sighed and eased on the breaks just as the truck sped up. The light turned red and the trash truck blew through the red light. If he had gone through, we would've been killed instantly.
"Good call." He said, remembering to switch on his turn signal.
The rest of that night went too fast. We had dinner, drove back to the school and went our separate ways. I got into my car and drove home, getting the third degree the second I opened my front door. Of course I lied through my teeth, saying that I had a bunch of make up work for skipping so many classes.
We kept our civil union a secret for quite some time, maybe about 3 more months, not wanting to get lectured for running off and basically getting hitched with out anyone's knowledge. Not only that, we knew that some would have something to say, considering that we had only been dating for 3 months, give or take a few weeks. I had finally conned my parents into letting me off being grounded, but they didn't lift the ban on Jimmy coming over. I had sat down with my parents and kindly let them know that it didn't matter what they said, that I was head over heels in love with Jimmy, and that they couldn't stop me from being with him. They didn't like it, but they came to grips and said that if I was happy, they could learn to accept it. I didn't dare tell them of the secret civil union.
As time passed, they slowly came to accept that I was in a relationship with Jimmy and they even slowly lifted the ban. Jimmy went from being banned, to staying over for dinner, to spending a few hours in my room (with the door opened, of course) then to spending the night (with the door open again) We took advantage of this time together, afraid that they might take it all back, but they never did... hell, they even let us have privacy by allowing me to close my door.
"Zack?" Jimmy asked as we lay in bed one night.
"Hmm?" I hummed, cuddling closer to him.
"You know I love you, right?" I lifted my head, opening my eyes. My heart was in my throat. Was he about to break up with me?
"Y-yes? And you know that I'm in love with you..." I stated.
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure..."
"That's it? You nearly give me a heart attack and that's it?"
"I went to the doctors this morning... you know, for that check up?"
"Yeah?" I asked, laying my head on his chest.
"They upped my dosage..." that wasn't good news. I lifted my head back up and looked at his face. "The doctor said that I'll be lucky to see the age 28..." considering that he was 18 when we had started dating, we got together in October, and we've been dating for 6 months, he was now 19 years old. That meant he had 9 years, which made my heart shatter. Silent tears sipped from my eyes, onto his chest. "Hey, look at me." I did as he said, feeling his thumb brush away the tears. "I love you. I will spend the next... umpteen years with you. We'll be together, even in the afterlife... remember?" I nodded and laid my head back on his chest, listening to his heart beat.
"I remember. But the thought of loosing you... it kills me. The world is filled with bad people and yet you are chosen to leave life so early... it's not fucking fair.... you haven't done a god damn thing wrong!"
"Life isn't fair... but we can make the most of this." I nodded with a sniffle.
"You're right..." I looked up and kissed his throat. "I love you."
"And I love you, too."
The next day Jimmy went to practice with his, and Brian's band Pinkly Smooth, and I went to Matt's. I sat on Matt's bed, holding my guitar in my lap, playing the melody of the song that Jimmy had written for me.
"You cool, dude? You seem on edge..." Matt said, putting down his Sega controller to light a cigarette.
"Matt, I have something to tell you... but you have to promise not to freak out..." I said, looking down at the guitar, before I set it onto the bed.
"Okay, shoot..." he turned towards me and I looked up, biting my lip.
"A few months ago, Jimmy wrote this song for me...actually it was around our 3 month anniversary... well he said it wasn't Pinkly Smooth material but it's... it's fucking amazing... even though there's not much to it..."
"And...?"
"Well, I was thinking that maybe we could form a band... me, you, Jimmy, Brian...and we could find someone to play bass..." I had totally chickened out.
"Brian and Jimmy have Pinkly Smooth... and you have MPA."
"MPA hasn't practiced in months. I'm pretty sure we have all given up on it, I mean, we sucked."
"You guys were pretty bad...and with a name like Mad Porno Action... that was pretty bad too.."
"Shut up..." I scoffed. "I just think it would be good for us... all of us to get a band together... Brian can shred on guitar... your voice is amazing... Jimmy is the best drummer ever..."
"You're serious?" I nodded.
"Yeah, Matt. I'm really serious..."
"Alright well when they finish practice, they should be coming over to chill... so I'll talk to them."
"Okay." I said before I picked up the guitar and started to play a riff that would go with the song, something that I had made up on my own time.
"I don't think that's what you wanted to talk to me about..." he said which made me look up. I licked my lips and looked away.
"Yes it was."
"No."
"Yes."
"Look me in the eyes and tell me." I looked him in the eyes and then looked away. "See... spill!"
"The day Jimmy showed me this song we skipped the rest of the day..."
"Okay? That's nothing new..."
"I uhm... well... we went to Vegas and we kinda got..."
"Got fucked up on drugs? Got fake IDs and went gambling?" He laughed and looked at me "Got an STD from a hooker?"
"What?! No! We got a civil union!" I said a little too loud. His eyes bugged out and he choked on smoke from his cigarette.
"You got married?!"
"It's not technically marriage... I mean... it's illegal... but uhm... yeah, kinda..." I rubbed the back of my neck, looking down.
"So you mean to tell me that two of my best friends had basically gotten married, and kept it a secret all this time?!" He stood up.
"Don't freak out. I'm sorry... We wanted to tell you, but you guys would've been so against it..."
"You haven't even been dating for a year!"
"I know. I know... but we're in love."
"Zack, you want to start a band with Jimmy included... but what happens when you break up...? The band breaks up? You two get divorced..."
"We're not going to break up!" I shouted, starting to become emotional. "Besides, it's not even a legal thing. Yes it's on paper, but it won't be in the court system. If we break up, there's no divorce. He could get married legally to a girl if he wanted. Our civil union doesn't mean shit to anyone except for us..."
"But what about the future band?"
"There may not even be a god damn band, Matt. I was just throwing the idea out there. I love Jimmy and I will spend the rest of my life with him!"
"You don't know that..."
"I'm done." I said as the tears threatened to spill over. "I thought I could tell my biggest secret to my best friend, but obviously I was wrong..." I stood up and grabbed my stuff. "I'll see you around."
"Wait, don't go..." Matt said and stood up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just..." he sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I got mad that you both kept this secret for a long time..."
"You didn't have to bad mouth our relationship, Matt..." I sniffled.
"I'm sorry. I was just looking at the situation realistically... you know me."
"Yeah, you're hot-headed."
"I deserved that..." he chuckled before he came over and pulled me into a brotherly hug. "I accept you two... but I don't want to see everything fall apart if you two don't work out."
"I know..." I pulled away and sighed softly.
"Despite what I said just now, I'm happy for you both. I wish you both the best in life. I love you guys."
After that we played games until Jimmy and Brian showed up. I pulled Jimmy off to the side to let him know that I had told Matt about the civil union, so he decided it was time to tell Brian. Brian reacted a little better than Matt, but he was just as mad that we didn't tell him until now. But after that, everything was great! They both refered to us as a married couple and we had even discussed the band. Well Jimmy and Brian were skeptical but Jimmy decided it would be great to be in a band with us. Brian thought he was too good to play in our band, so he declined politely. He joked about my playing techniques and said that he could never work with me.
It didn't take long to find a bassist and then we had to come up with a name. Matt had come up with a list and brought it to school with him, telling us to pick the best one. One stood out more than the rest, Avenged Sevenfold and it turns out that we all liked that name the best. Matt called our first practice after school at his house. His parents let us use their garage and it didn't take long to set up...me with my Epiphone amp, Matt Wendt with his rinky dink no-named amp, and Jimmy with his drum kit. We jammed for hours that night and then got drunk off of a couple Hurricane 40 that Jimmy had stolen from the liquor store. How he managed that one, I'll never quite figure out, but he did. Anyway, we sat with our instruments just bullshitting when Jimmy cracked a smile.
"We need nicknames!" He said and started playing his drums.
"What?" Wendt asked with a laugh.
"Yeah, dude. Like stage names..."
"Ookay?" Matt said as he scratched his head.
"I think everyone is too drunk for that" I said as I stood up, stumbling over to the drums. "Jimmy!"
"Yes?" He asked as he stopped drumming.
"Love me?" He smiled widely before he stood up and made his way closer to me. I tripped over Wendt's cord, only to have Jimmy catch me before I fell flat on my face. I looked up and giggled drunkenly. "Hello." I said before I hiccuped.
"Hello." He said, helping me stand up. He moved closer and laced our fingers together before he looked up. "I'm gonna kiss him now!" He said to warn everyone. He looked back down, closed his eyes and pushed our lips together.
"Ya know, at first it was weird to see two guys kissing... but now when I see it I don't care. It's a beautiful thing. Just like seeing a guy and girl kiss is beautiful... or two girls kissing... I mean, as long as their not sucking faces and dry humping each other. But just a simple, passionate lip lock is so beautiful." Matt said causing Jimmy and I to break apart in a fit of laughter.
"What are you babbling about?" Val asked as she opened the door to the garage. Matt explained himself and earned a laugh from Val. "You're just now seeing the beauty in their relationship?"
"Well, I never really watched them kiss before.. it's awkward."
"You turning gay on me, man?" Val nudged Matt's arm with a giggle.
"No. I just can't help but watch. They're so in love and so happy. I hope to have a relationship like them..." he turned bright red earning a laugh from everyone.
"I'm kidding... chill." She laughed. "So whatchya guys up to?"
"Avenged Sevenfold's first practice!" Jimmy exclaimed.
"Very nice, very nice... you know my cousin has a few pro-tools I can get for you guys..."
"That'd be sweet, Val." Matt said with a smile. He's always had this thing for Val. Val had a thing for him, too... but their personalities kinda clashed. He was hot-headed and she was level-headed.
So as time passed, we had written songs, written the music, and I had even come up with the abbreviation; A7X. I don't know how, or why, I just day-dreamed during class and boom, there it was. A7X. We came up with our nicknames, too... I was Zacky Vengeance, Matt decided on M.Shadows, and Jimmy had chosen The Reverend Tholomew Plague... but we all decided that he was a nut and that we'd just call him The Rev. Val did keep her word on getting us some sick ass equipment and she even begged her parents to buy her a Mac laptop. She brought it over and set it up, telling us how to use it and how to record.
We recorded a bunch of songs, including the song that Jimmy had written for me and Val made CDs. She started promoting us by handing out the CDs, making some home made teeshirts and she even got us our first gig. She wound up silently becoming our manager which worked out great! I don't think I need to tell the rest of the details to the rise of the band, so I'll just stick with Jimmy.
After graduation, Jimmy asked my parents for my hand in marriage and to my surprise, they approved. Now, at the time I had no idea what he was planning, I just knew that everyone was acting weird and Jimmy was being distant, which lead me to believe that he was seeing someone else. I was ready to call it quits when he swept me off of my feet and took me out on the most romantic date ever. I'm talking about a full day of romance... He made sure to cram so much of the shit I enjoyed into one date. We woke up, got breakfast, went to see an Angels game, got lunch, and then went to Disneyland. After riding every ride at least once, he took me to the castle for dinner and then he pulled me out side to a secluded spot to watch the fireworks show. It was then that he got onto his knee and presented me with a box. Now it wasn't a ring box, it was a necklace box... he opened it to reveal a necklace like the one I had gotten him for our 2 month anniversary. Except this one was different. The handcuffs on this necklace were twisted into the shape of a heart.
"Will you be my prisoner, in love?" It was corny, but it was from the heart.
"I'd love to." I said with a smile. He stood up, looping the chain around my neck before he pulled me into a kiss. The fireworks show started behind us, but all I wanted to do was stay in this moment forever. After we watched the fireworks, I thought that we were going back to my parent's house, but he surprised me by taking me back into the castle, into the elevator, and up to the top. He pulled out a key card, pushed it into the door, and led me into the room before he pushed me onto the bed. I think we all know what happened after that...
After a few years went by and things got even more tough. Avenged was getting pretty popular around Southern California. Matt Wendt dropped out of the band, so Jimmy brought his buddy Justin Sane into the band, and then later he went crazy and wound up in the hospital after trying to commit suicide. So he dropped out after Brian finally joined the band. He called himself Synsyter Gaytes, which he decided to change to Synyster Gates because we all made fun of him... calling him gay, for spelling Gates with a Y. Around 2001 we were signed to Good Life Recordings and had released Sounding the Seventh Trumpet, which was basically the same CD that Val promoted. We had signed to Hopeless Records shortly after and then Johnny Seward joined the band. I gave him the nickname Johnny Christ one night when we were all drinking. While Avenged was signed to Hopeless Records, they re-released Sounding the Seventh Trumpet and then we went back into the recording studio to write Waking the Fallen. We toured the country, shocked at how far our music had taken us. Not too long after the release, Warner Brother Records had called us up and took us out. We wound up signing with them, and then we realized that we were about to make it big time, which scared the hell out of Jimmy and I. We decided to not go public with our relationship, and we even found a lesbian couple to hide behind. We'd double date with the girls often as the fame grew, not one of us becoming jealous of the other because in the end we knew the truth. Jimmy was mine. We'd tour with the girls with us which was always fun.
"Jimmy?" I asked one night as we laid in his bunk after a show.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever thought of maybe marrying Lena?"
"No. Have you ever thought about marrying Gena?"
"No. But do you think maybe we should?"
"Why? Then we can't get married."
"We already are, remember?" I giggled.
"It doesn't count..."
"It does in my mind..." I whispered. "I just want you to be happy."
"I am happy... why would you think I'm not happy?"
"We are hiding our relationship."
"That's not because I'm not happy. I love you, Zack. I'm so happy with you. You're my best friend and I want to marry you some day."
"But what about the band?"
"When the time is right, we will do what we have to do... no one can judge us for our personal lives, Zachary." He kissed my lips. "Our fans like our music, it doesn't matter if we're gay or straight..."
"Yeah, I know. I just... I worry about this. I mean there could be a crazy fan out there who hates gays... they could bring a gun in to one of our shows and shoot up the place... I don't want to put anyone in harms way..."
"You want me to marry Lena?" I nodded softly.
"When you ask me like that, no..." I laughed. "I just want you to experience everything in life..."
"So that's what this is about?" He propped himself up onto his elbow to watch me.
"Well you're 25 years old, Jimmy... you're not married and you don't have a child..."
"Who needs to be married and have kids to experience everything life has to offer? We're on tour in a pretty famous band. I have the love of my life next to me and my best friends by my side... what more is there to experience?" He began tickling me, making me laugh loudly.
"James Owen Sullivan, stop." He stopped and leaned over to kiss my lips.
"How about we put on a mock wedding? Get everyone together in tuxes and dresses... and we'll put on a show for the world... we can even hire a minister to marry us. And by us, I mean me and you."
"But.."
"No buts. That's the only way this mock wedding will happen. I will marry you before the day I die. And that is a promise."
"Alright, deal. But the document doesn't go online. It gets locked away. Got it?"
"I don't see what the big deal is... but fine. If that's what you want."
"I do."
As time passed our fame grew, we now had 3 studio albums out and were in the process of writing the 4th. We decided to do our own thing for this record and see what came of it, not wanting any ideas from the label or any suggestions. By this time, Jimmy and I had a shared vacation house in Hawaii as well as two separate houses 'to share with our lovers' but in reality Jimmy lived with me, and the girls lived together in the house that Jimmy bought... though it didn't really matter, because we were always together either at the house that Jimmy owned, or at my place.
"Z..." Jimmy whispered as he placed gentle kisses on my cheek. I yawned, rolling over in his arms with a smile.
"Good morning."
"Good morning, sexy." He said with a smile.
"What time is it?" I asked, rubbing my eyes gently.
"6am. Brian just called... the guys are meeting down at the studio...We gotta get up."
"Mmmphh" I said as I buried my face into his chest. He giggled softly before he kissed the top of my head.
"Come on. Let's go...Get up and get a shower."
"Shower with me?" I asked as I pulled myself up from the bed, smirking at him. Though he was already dressed completely, so my smirk fell to a frown.
"As tempting as that sounds, I can't, baby... I already showered. Come on..." he pulled me up, kissed my lips, and pushed me towards the door. He then took out a bag of drugs from the bedside table and proceeded to do a line of coke.
"Baby... I think maybe you should lay off of the drugs..." I said, decided to test the waters a little bit. Now I wasn't against doing a line every once in a while, but Jimmy was getting bad. He couldn't go with out it... I did a line or two before and after every show, but I never brought them home with me. Jimmy did a line whenever the high wore off... which was about 20 minutes to a half hour... I was afraid that the drugs were going to fuck with his heart, and he knew that. We had talked about this a lot before.
"Zack, you have no idea how much I need them..."
"You have no idea how much I hate hearing you say that... to hear you say that you need drugs breaks my heart, Are you not happy with me?"
"No, Zack. I am so happy with you. I'm just not happy hiding behind a web of lies... "
"I know... I'm not either... but hey, we're getting married, and as soon as we're ready...we can go public. Can you please just lay off of the drugs until then?"
"Alright, for you. I promise to keep the drugs to a minimum." he smiled back at me. I nodded and went into the bathroom.
We got to the studio and got inside, sitting on the couch as the guys talked.
"Hey guys." we said in unison as we waved.
"Alright, so we have the cameras coming in... remember that..." Matt said, looking between Jimmy and I. We nodded and let go of each other's hands.
"Alright, well I'm gonna go lay down the drum tracks that I had planned for a few of the songs..." Jimmy said. "JC, follow me..." he jumped like a fairy before he ran off, making me laugh a little too hard.
"FAG!" I yelled.
"Only for you, baby!" Jim yelled back.
"That's amazing..." Brian said.
"What is?"
"That you hated that man with a passion and then here we are 8 years later...and you two are engaged and in love..."
"I've always liked him... he just pissed me the fuck off..." I laughed. "I don't know what I'd do with out him... Ya know? I mean, these past 8 years have been so amazing and if I could go back and live it again, I would in a heartbeat. I wouldn't change anything for the world. That man... that crazy fucking man rocks my world... no sexual undertone there..." I giggled.
"Man, I don't want to hear about what you do in bed..." Matt laughed. "It's bad enough it happens on the bus and we've all seen it."
"Come on.. you can't tell me that you didn't enjoy seeing 2 sexy dudes going at it... I mean, hell... we should be porn stars..." I said with a laugh.
"And that's my cue to leave..." Brian said, exiting the room to go see what Jimmy and Johnny were working on.
Recording that album was seriously the most fun of all. I remember Jimmy coming up with these really cool ideas during the songs and then the vocals that he'd do on some of the tracks were pretty insane, as well. So after we finished recording, we decided to put on the mock wedding for Jimmy and Lena. Jimmy and tied the knot Oct. 6th, 2007. The album came out soon after and then we went on tour. Now between that time, things happened... good and bad... Jimmy still partied hard but he wasn't heavy on the drugs anymore. We just had bullshit to deal with and stupid arguments. We finally discussed coming out to the world and decided that when we dropped the next record, we'd see who the true fans were and mention it in the thanks section of the booklet.
We started writing and pre-recording the latest album, when things went down hill. Jimmy's heart complications were getting worse, so they upped his dosage once again. This scared me to hell, knowing that my husband's time was running out. He was 28 years old, which gave me joy and scared me at the same time. it was coming, I knew it was. I just didn't know when. We were invited to Matt Berry's wedding and it went downhill from there. Jimmy and I had a fight because he was once again doing drugs, not coke this time... pills, and he was drinking far too much. Well he went home, so I stayed with Brian and Michelle... Brian brought me back home and when I walked in, I stopped dead in my tracks. Jimmy's clothes were shed and his pill bottles were on the kitchen counter. I went through the house, gathering up the clothes as I made my way up to the room. I walked in to find him laying there, looking peaceful, laying on his stomach as he normally did... I went over to him and place my lips to his cheek, an icy feeling taking over which freaked me out. No. No. No no no no no! That was all I could think. I called Brian and Matt as I rolled Jimmy over and tried to revive him. I screamed and cried, holding onto my dead lover, singing Warmness on the Soul between begs and sobs.
"Jimmy, baby. I love you. I love you so effing much." I said as I touched my face to wipe away the tears. "I miss you, we all miss you. You gave me the best years of my life... from the teasing and taunting from 8th grade, all the way until our senior year when you asked me out... You made me so happy. I still am happy, I just wish you were here..." I said, smiling up at the crowd of familiar, crying faces in front of me. "Jimmy, you were one of a kind... and we all have a lot to say about you. You were a rare gem... A diamond in the rough. Although Johnny thinks differently, without you, Avenged Sevenfold would be nothing. We love you and hope that you rest easy. Keep a place up there for each of us and rock the hell out with Dimebag...I love you, James Owen Sullivan and we will meet again in the afterlife... Where we can create our own little piece of heaven..." I sniffled as I turned to look at the shrine and the urn that held my dead lover's ashes. I walked up to the picture collage and kissed my fingertips, placing them on a picture of Jimmy from the day we'd gotten married. "I wont tell our secret... but I will wear your ring..." I whispered. "Rest easy, baby." I turned and stepped down, walking to take a seat next to Matt and Val after hugging Jimmy's family, and the guys.
"What a beautiful Eulogy, Zack. Thank you for sharing your memories. I know he's up there smiling." Jimmy's mom said from the left of Val.
"Thank you, Mrs. Sullivan..." I said with a smile.
"Call me mom... and don't be a stranger. You're family... We love you and hope to see you, still."
"Of course you will." I said with a smile. And I'd just like to let you know that when Jimmy was alive, we talked about having children. We had each went to the sperm bank and had our DNA frozen... Val has agreed to carry Jimmy's child... But the baby will be a test tube baby... My DNA is getting mixed with his as we speak, then it's going to be injected into one of Val's eggs and injected into her. You will have a grandchild with in the next year..."
"A mini-Jimmy?!" she asked with tears in her eyes, making me smile.
"A mini-Jimmy." I said with a nod. I couldn't wait to become a daddy... Jimmy would be so happy and excited as well. Look out world, the spawn of Satan was about to be created.