Like All Those Times Before

“Will we ever be happy?”

The words find their way out; they always do. I open my eyes, my gaze meeting his as I wait for an answer that I know won’t come. Well, I’ll get an answer, just not the one I want.

I sit up quickly, pushing my hair out of my face as I find the edge of the bed, sitting there, eyes shut, begging my eyes to dry up. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.

A tear trails down my cheek and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding as I hastily wipe it away. I feel him shift on the bed, a tentative hand on my shoulder.

“Audrey,” his voice is quiet. He knows he’s losing me.

I stand up and out of his reach, wrapping my arms around me as I glance around my room, not knowing what to do now.

“I think you should just leave,” I finally whisper. I chance another look at him and I know everything is falling apart for the both of us. But that’s what happens when you don’t listen to your own thoughts, or the words of your friends. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

My eyes squeeze shut and I look away. I wish I could be his, and only his. God knows we’ve done everything we could to try and make this work. I could remember each time we’d gotten in fights, how he’d always appear at my door, apology in hand, ready to start fresh.

Then there was the first time he cheated, and just like every other fight he would leave only to return. He always came back, and of course I was naïve, listening to his promises. This is the last time. I won’t hurt you anymore.

They were only ever empty promises.

I felt his hand on my arm now and I snatched it away, refusing to look at him.

“Please just leave,” I said.

“I want to fix this,” he said. “I love you Audrey.”

I pressed my hands against my eyes, wanting everything to just go away.

“I love you too,” I said, still not turning to look at him. “But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep letting you back in like this. I’m done with the lies. I’m done with the cheating and the fighting.”

“Audrey— ”

“I want you to leave now,” I said, finally turning to look at him. I could see the hurt in his eyes; see how his face had fallen. “Please don’t come back.”

We stood there, staring at each other, each of us fighting our own inner battles. But I kept thinking about everything that had happened to us, how everything had reached this point. You’ve got it wrong.

And just like that, a final sigh, a final glance, a final tear, he turned and left the room. I stayed there, standing in my bedroom. I heard the door close before I moved back to my bed. I sank down onto it, eyes shutting again as I finally processed what had happened.

Please come back.