Christmas With You

Mrs. Peterson was drunk off eggnog and laying on the piano. I took this as my queue to chug the rest of my wine. We’d only been here for thirty minutes, but I was already on my third glass of Melot and second plate of cookies. If things blow up with Lou, at least I’d be in diabetic shock by the end of the night.

Like every year, Trevor ditched me for his friends. Mum and Dad were off talking with neighbors. And where Lou would usually be, was just the Peterson’s cat who was giving everyone in attendance a death glare, including me.

This was truly a holiday to remember.

“Sonya Hanley.”

I whipped my head around at the sound of my name and standing behind me was Will Tanner, a smile painted on his face and a beer in his hand.

“I hope you’re staying out of trouble.” He laughed and I just rolled my eyes.

“You’re not on duty tonight, I see.” I replied cooly.

He shook his head. “Last Christmas Eve was enough action for me.”

”Sonya?”

I wasn't sure when I dozed off, but I knew I was caught somewhere between being asleep and being awake. His voice was a muffled haze and I had to question whether it was a dream or not.

"Sonya?" He repeated, but this time I felt his lips on my neck and I knew this was real life and not my subconscious trying to trick me. "I know you're awake, love."

"Shhh." I mumbled back, pulling the sheets tighter to my body. "Go to bed."

He laughed. "But it's my birthday."

I peeked an eye open and looked at his clock. "It's also half three in the morning."

He never responded. Instead, he threw his legs over the side of the bed and I groaned when the cold air hit my bare back.

"Louis." I whined. "Stop being a wanker and get back in bed."

He was stomping around his room and he was loud. So loud that I was sure he was going to wake the entire house. "C'mon. Get dressed."

I let out a heavy sigh and threw Lou a nasty glare before getting out of bed, searching the floor for my bra and underwear before slipping back into my pajama pants and the jumper I was wearing. "Where are we going?"

He grinned at me. "Where do you think we're going?"

It was then that I realized I'd forgot a whole step in our Christmas tradition. "But I haven't got a jacket."

He opened his closet door and tossed me his old coat from Sixth Form and a hat and a pair of gloves. I put them on reluctantly because it was three in the morning and I didn't want to leave the house.

When we were walking down the drive, I realized just how crazy we were, but Lou didn't seem to care. With his hands shoved in his pockets, he kept a smile on his face despite it being zero degrees out. I, however, was less than enthused to be walking around Doncaster this time of night, or morning if we were being technical.

With that being said, the city had a strange charm when it was so quiet. It was empty and still and you could actually hear your thoughts. I'd only been in Glasgow for a few months, but it wasn't home. This was home. Doncaster was home. I was a Yorkshire girl born and bred and maybe all it took was a few minutes in an idle city at Christmas for me to realize.

We were barely to the city center when Lou ducked into a convenience store. I followed him in, not batting an eye at the man behind the counter as we headed to the refrigerated section. Lou pulled the door open and a chill blew through me. He grabbed a six pack of Stella before heading to the register. He handed the man ten quid and then walked out of the door.

I tried to keep pace with him, but it was freezing and I was tired. But luckily we hit the town center soon after and I just sighed.

The tree they got every year was massive. When I was little, I thought it touched the sky. I'd always joke with my dad that the people on the moon could see it. It was one of those things that you waited all year to see, especially the primary schoolers because they were the ones that got to make the decorations for it and on December first, every child got to put their ornament on the tree. The mayor would say a few words and then we'd sing carols and light it.

Lou was already sitting on the bench in front of it, a loud snap from his can echoing through the quiet streets. I took a seat next to him and grabbed a beer. He threw his free arm around my shoulders as he took a long gulp.

"Happy Christmas, Sonya."

I smiled and looked over at him, dropping my head to his shoulder. "Happy Christmas, Lou."

We sat like that for a while, admiring the tree and all of its lights. I was so numb from the cold that it wasn't bothering me anymore. I was fine--content, even--just sitting on a bench in the park as the wind whipped around us.

"It's nice being home." Lou said. "You never realize how much you've missed it until you've come back."

I nodded in agreement and as I opened my mouth to speak, I snowflake hit my nose and I looked to the sky. We'd been so lost in each other that we hadn't realized it stopped snowing. But now, it was falling again, blanketing the already white city in another pillowy coat.

We finished off the rest of the beer, my head dizzy from the alcohol and I felt like I was floating. I could usually hold my liquor, but after that bottle of wine from earlier, I was a goner.

"Dance with me." Lou was standing up and holding his hand out to me.

"I'm not dancing with you, you nutter."

He didn't listen, instead he laced our glove-covered fingers together and pulled me from the bench. At the time, the idea probably seemed great to him. But we were drunk and the ground was slippery, so no sooner than he had me up, we were on the grass. I'd fallen on top of him, a grin on my face as he lifted his head to capture my lips. I laughed, rolling off of him and onto the snow. I took a deep breath, my clothes dripping wet, but all I could do was smile.

But then I saw the lights out of the corner of my eye.

Not the ones on the tree, or the ones on the street corner.

No, I saw the flash of blue, just without the siren.

Lou groaned next to me, but we didn't move.

"Have you two been drinking?" A voice shouted as the car door slammed.

I closed my eyes tight, sobering up just enough to realize I'd probably have to call my parents to bail be out of jail. Nothing says Happy Christmas quite like that.

"Louis? Sonya? Is that you?"

I opened my eyes when I heard Lou move. He had his weight resting on both of his elbows, that smirk on his face when he realized who it was. "Aye, mate! Heard you joined the police academy."

Will Tanner lived three houses down from Lou and four houses down from me. He was a few years older and he used to be the biggest pub-goer this side of Yorkshire. Apparently he was a police officer now.
"Bloody hell. It's my first night on the job and I have to deal with you two." Will scratched the back of his neck and looked around to make sure we were alone. "Let's go. Hurry up. I have to drive you home before anyone sees you. I'd rather not have to arrest a member of One Direction."

We both scrambled to our feet, stumbling over piles of snow as Will opened the door to the backseat. We slid in and he slammed the door before hopping into the driver's seat.

"I can't believe I'm in a fucking cop car." I said as Will and Lou laughed.

"I can't believe I'm breaking the law on my first shift."

The drive back wasn't too long, but I spent most of it staring out the window.

"I love you, Sonya."

I turned to him and smiled. "I love you, too, Lou."

He shook his head, laughing lowly. "No, I mean, I love you. I'm in love with you."

For a moment, I forgot how to breathe. And how to blink. And even how to move.

"I think I've always loved you."

Then, all of a sudden, the only thing I could do was breathe. In and out. My chest just lifting and falling faster than it should be.

A panic attack. Yeah, that was it.

I was having a panic attack in the back of a police car.

Because what was once so easy, suddenly got more complicated than I'd ever expected.

When I finally saw him, I thought I was going to be sick. He was standing with Lottie and she was talking his ear off. He didn’t want to be here. And I’m sure he had a conversation identical to the one I had with my mum. He was forced into this.

There wasn’t even a small part of me that wanted to go over to him because I had no idea what I’d say. Sorry I shot you down in the back of a police car? Sorry I didn’t say anything? Sorry you wasted twenty years on a girl who was never worth the trouble?

I tried not to stare because I remembered my mother telling me it was impolite. But there was something about him that looked off. Attire wise, he looked fine—a blazer, black trousers rolled up to the ankle, and a pair of Vans. He looked sort of sad for someone who was celebrating their birthday.

It wasn’t until he turned his head that I realized I was still gawking at him and as our eyes met, I finished off my fifth glass of wine and walked into the kitchen to get another.