Polaroid

When Lydia turned one years old I graduated. It wasn't a big deal or anything I didn't even have a party because I didn't even have any friends. I didn't talk at school, I was too worried about home I’d always have a sick feeling that. One day I’d show up and everything would be ruined , that something terrible would happen when I wasn't there. Now what that was I wasn't so sure, but I always found myself practically running home from the bus stop . I’d always take a deep breath and count down from ten before I’d opened the front door. Only to find nothing has changed, everything was how I left it before I left for school. Which wasn't exactly a great thing but at least nothing had gotten worse.

And maybe deep down that's why I never tried to leave after high school, there was just so much I needed to take care of. I wouldn't dare leave Lydia , because with mother always being in a constant mess there was no one to raise her. Donney was just too young to handle all of this on his own. He’s was only 15 and I couldn't leave him behind because even though I thought he needed me , in truth I really needed him. I had made a huge plan, I got a job from the ever so lovely Mrs.Perkins. She let me bust tables at her crappy family owned Diner called ‘Perkins Best!’ . I planned to save up all the money I made and when Donney graduated take him and Lydia out of this house, out of this town, far away from Pennsylvania and never look back. But that was all just a dream.

** * ** * **

I remember waking up feeling so cold, I couldn't feel my toes. But all complaints that could have been internally made about that morning, were but to a halt when the smell of pancakes filled my nose. When I entered the kitchen I’d imaged the grin on my face must have been huge! The table was filled with the biggest breakfast I’d seen in awhile.There were Grits, Eggs, Pancakes, Biscuits, and gravy,a large plate of oranges and a large platter of bagels , English muffins and toast.
Lydia was in her high chair ,laughing while mother fed her some green mush that seemed to go everywhere except her mouth. Father sat crossed legged, shoulders straight and upright while burying his face in the morning paper. Donney sat hunched over all his undivided attention was being given to his video game. Father’s head popped from around the paper, his smiled seemed nice and warm.
“Oh good morning Lyra!” He folded up his paper and set it down.

“Glad to see your up! we've been waiting for you, come on and dig in your mother made enough to feed the starving in Africa!” I laughed even though I didn't think it was funny. As I sat in my seat I smiled up at him.

“Thanks dad, it’s nice to see you I didn't hear you come home last night.” I piled some Pancakes and eggs on a plate , then passed it to Donney.

“How was your trip?”
I took a huge bite of Grits and smiled, they tasted just as good as they tasted when I was six.

“Oh you know just business, but Lyra today is a special day I would like to let you know the plans if i could have your attention.”
From the corner of my eye I could see Donney biting his lip holding in a laugh. It caused me too smirk before biting my own lip and looking back at my father. I couldn't count all the times me and Donney spent countless hours making fun of the way my father talked. I mean where were the cameras? He always talked like he had to be the perfect image of a dad at all times, his voice always had a weird undertone. He sounded like someone trying out for a musical but the microphones were off and they had to yell everything so you could here them. While trying to act, while trying to sound enthusiastic. It was ridiculous he didn't need to act , we all knew who he was, we all could see the monster inside.

“Yes dad?”
He smiled at me as he leaned forward, placing a hand on mothers back. I could see her flinch but he didn't notice.

“Well Lyra today me and your mother here decided to have a nice family day, we've started off with a nice big breakfast and shortly afterwards we will all head out to a picnic Mrs.Perkins has invited us to.” Donney rolled his eyes, leaning more away from the table while becoming more engrossed in his game.

“It’s a Picnic in celebration of 51 years of ‘Perkins best!’, and seeming on how you work there i thought the idea sounded swell.”

Donney scoffed “Swell…..oh man”

Father didn't seem to hear him, but Mother sure did, she shot Donney an irritated glare.
I pinched his knee underneath the table and smiled as he jumped.

“Sure dad that sounds fun, when will we leave?”

My dad’s smile never faltered “When breakfast is done dear”

I nodded and passed a plate of food to him, his smile grew but it didn't look happier just sufficiently more creepy.

“Lyra dear let your mother do some work around here won't you? It’s not your job to take care of me”

Oh. I looked up at mother instantly , I had made her look bad . I bit my lip and started to make her plate. We wont talk about it now but when she has free time she’ll slide her frail form underneath my covers at night and cry. Then she’ll whisper cures into my ear about how I ruin everything and how I make things so much more harder for her. She’s wrong and her and I both know it, but she needs to be angry at someone, she needs to get it out. Then she’ll leave back to her own bed. This is our routine.
The rest of breakfast is eaten in silence and has an all too familiar tenseness to the air. Mother held on to Lydia the whole time she cleaned up, her body shook, and dad never moved from his seat until she was all done. Mother shot me a harsh glare as she handed me Lydia before following my father upstairs. Me and Donney Sat in the living room and tried to block out the screams with the Tv. Lydia could hear mother though and she rested her head on my shoulder.

“Hurt..hurt” I nodded and kissed her soft blonde curls.

“Yes Lydia we all are..”