Facing the Obstacles

Friends and relatives crowded into the small, stuffy church. I watched them, as I fidgeted with my tie. My mother had forced me to wear a suit. I stood up in the front by the casket, averting my eyes from my sister’s face. This had all caused me too much pain; I just wanted to be done with it. Better yet, I wish fate would reverse and she was standing next to me as we headed to Nathan’s. Anything was better than watching a bunch of people sit down and smile at me sadly... As if they had any clue as to how I was feeling…
My dad made his way up to stand next to me, but I walked out of the back door to avoid him. I stood in the glaring sun and glanced over at four out of place boys. They looked as if they belonged in Hollywood and appeared to be heading to a concert. Nathan and Cameron had guitars slung over their backs and Zach held a microphone, while Michael twiddled with his drumsticks.
“They’ll be starting in about five minutes. You guys will be going first,” I said. Zach had written a song that he was going to perform. Just then, my mom walked out and motioned for us to make our way in. I sat down in the first row, as they tuned their instruments. Zach spoke into the microphone.
“I wrote a song called Heidi. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I honestly don’t know why she would ever pick such a bozo…” Everyone chuckled. “…But she did and she turned my life around, so here goes…
“Set on this girl and I just can’t show it, I’m taking my time cause I don’t wanna blow it; but I can’t get her out of my mind… She looks one way and I look another, all my friends say ‘please don’t bother,’ but I can’t see the truth when I’m blind… I know it’s real… The older that I get, the less that I regret and baby, it’s cause of you… Since the day we met, you know I won’t forget, that baby my aim is true. Oh Heidi, Hei-hei-heidi, you changed my life…”
He continued singing the chorus and I choked up. My mom sat next to me and reached for my hand as she sobbed into a handkerchief.
He started singing the bridge and I noticed it was becoming harder and harder for him to sing.
“Now I’ve made up my mind… And I’ll move mountains to be…” but Zach began to break down. He managed “…with you.” and then faltered into silence, tears flooding his face. My mom quickly got up, thanked them and brought Zach back to our seats with her. The others moved back to sit in the second row.
“…I had t-to at least tr-try to sing that for her in f-front of ev-veryone,” he whispered between sobs.
“She would have been so proud of you,” I said, earnestly. I squeezed his arm. “It’ll be okay.”
He smiled at me and handed his bracelet that had been hidden under his suit to me. “You can keep it for a while. You need it more than I do right now.”
I gave him an unconvinced look and he forced it on my wrist. It gave me comfort; as if Heidi had placed a hand on my arm. The room became lighter and it wasn’t suffocating me anymore. But when my mom told me it was my turn to go up and talk, the warmness left… It was replaced with annoyance, because I remembered everyone in this room was pitying me… As if they themselves actually never cared… As if Zach and Cameron and Nathan and Michael and I were the only ones that felt a loss. Did anyone else ever even give a crap about Heidi?! I walked up to the podium.
“So…” I sighed into the microphone, looking around at everyone. “I didn’t plan on speaking and I’m not sure what I’m going to say… My sister was the greatest gift this world has ever had. And we can be sad for a while…” I added, looking at Zach as I said the following words. “…but we can’t dwell on it forever. True, she’s irreplaceable and we’ve obviously gone through better times, but one blow can’t knock us down. Just because you fall down once, doesn’t mean you can stay on the ground forever in defeat. Trust me, I know. I’ve been through a lot in the past few years alone. Every time something happened, I didn’t think I would be able to overcome it. And sometimes it does seem a lot easier to admit defeat. But in the end, all of the experiences, both good and bad, give you something great to take away. It gives you more courage, it teaches you lessons and it definitely helps you find out more about yourself.
“As you can see, this loss has brought a ton of anger, sadness and stress on me… I quit my band because it was too stressful on me and the thoughts I have of Heidi while I play music are too distracting. But despite all of this pain, I’m getting through it, I’m getting better. Sometimes you’ll question life; what is the point of it? Why do we go through so many problems? I think the answer is clear; because of what’s waiting on the other side. Victory, joy, the belief that you can get through these struggles. Because you can and you will; never doubt yourself… You’ll always be rewarded in the end. Um, so… I guess that’s all,” I finished lamely.
Shockingly, I was greeted by a round of applause. But I didn’t care that much, I just walked off the stage and out of the building. That was the end of that.

The following day, I walked to Nathan’s to help pack up the instruments and such for the contest they would be starting the day after. I entered the garage to find them in their places about to perform. They turned to me when I walked in and I sensed they had been waiting for me.
“Tom, would you mind trying to play once more?” Zach questioned. “I mean, if not we’ll be able to find someone…”
I smiled at him; so hopeful.
“Sure.”
I walked over to my keyboard, without any sheet music in sight. But I didn’t need the music anyway, because I knew the songs and plus, I already knew what was going to happen. We began playing and sure enough, within the first few seconds, I fell apart. Zach nodded.
“Okay, we just wanted to make sure; we can find someone else to play with us for the contest.”
I pulled Zach aside as they continued to pack up.
“Zach, that song that you sang yesterday meant a lot; that was really cool that you took the time to do that. She would’ve thought it was really cool. Here,” I gave his bracelet back. “You’ll need this for support during the contest.”
“Thanks and I’m glad you liked it; it meant a lot to me too… But I don’t want everyone knowing what I’ve been through… It’s too personal. I would rather not tell every fan that hears that song who Heidi is and why I wrote it, so I’m changing Heidi to Amy. It would make things a lot easier for me.”
“I understand. I’ll always know the truth,” I grinned. “It’ll be our secret. Oh, and please keep the painting, I don’t want it… It’ll just remind me of how close I was and how I fell apart. I can’t afford to dwell on that.”
“Knock, knock,” my mom said, rapping on the door as she peered in. “Tom, can I talk to you for a second? I think you’ll want to see this.”
Curious, I walked out of the garage. My mom looked teary, as she pulled out a brand new hat from behind her back. It had the basketball logo on it and it said ‘NBA ALLSTAR WEEKEND’ on the front. My face lit up, as I noticed the significance of Allstar on it. I would always support my best friends whether I was in the band or not.
“Mom, it’s great! But you didn’t have to go to the trouble…” I said, noticing she still looked teary.
“Honey, I didn’t. I found it in the car with some groceries,” she wept. “She bought it for you; in celebration.”
I grabbed the hat from her and put it on; replacing my old one. I closed my eyes as more drops seeped through. They were tears of happiness this time.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Heidi.

I sat down for the camera; today was one of those days that hurt a lot. I had heard this song on the radio and couldn’t agree with the one part of it more than any other person.
Tom sat across from me, while I tuned my guitar.
“Ready, Zach?”
I nodded and he pressed play. I sang the few lines I loved and it brought me to peace within the first few seconds. As I neared the end, I took a deep breath and looked into the camera.
“Love you ‘til the end.”