Even Without Words

Kellin

I woke up in the middle of the night mid anxiety attack because of that god damn movie we watched. It freaked me out and I was just kind of crying in a ball under my covers. I was even more scared when I felt a hand on my shoulder and whipped around only to see that it was Vic. He just sat down and hugged me while I cried. He was so nice, it almost wasn’t fair that I would never get to be anything more than friends with him.
When we went downstairs and he told me that the rules weren’t strict I was pretty damn happy, since now I had something to do if I couldn’t sleep at night. We hung out and watched Family Guy until the sun came up and I saw Vic was falling asleep.
I’m sorry that you stayed up all night with me. I jabbed him with my notebook and he took it from me to read what was on the page.
“Don’t be sorry Kellin,” He said with a sleepy smile that took my breath away. “Besides, it’s Sunday. It’s not like we have classes or anything.”
I hugged him briefly just because I knew I could get away with it and tried not to make it too obvious. Tony and Mike stumbled down the stairs and draped themselves over the back of the couch.
“Vicky,” Mike whined. “I’m hungry.”
“Come on, let’s go to breakfast,” Vic sighed and we all set off for the dining hall. Gabe and Justin were already eating and I only grabbed some apple juice and a piece of toast. Vic piled his plate high like every meal, Mike did the same while Tony ate like a normal human being. We sat at the table beside Justin and Gabe noticing Jesse was sitting there, eating too.
“Morning,” Gabe said. I nodded at him.
“Morning,” Vic replied at sat down across from me. We all fit now because Jaime was still asleep and Jack was also MIA. There was one empty seat beside Gabe, presumably for whenever Jack got there. I didn’t think it was my place to ask Gabe where Jack was so I just kept quiet.
“Hey Gabe, where’s your boyfriend?” Tony asked casually. Thank god he did, I could hug Tony right about now.
“Sleeping,” he said and checked his phone. “Nevermind, he’s coming down. Probably in pajamas.”
Sure enough, Jack walked in wearing plaid pajama pants and a random, crumpled looking shirt. Gabe frowned at his boyfriend.
“Is that my shirt?” Gabe asked.
“Huh?” Jack said and messed up his own hair. “Oh, yeah sorry.”
“Jesus, you’re so lucky you’re adorable,” Gabe said and Jack hugged him quickly before shuffling off to go get food. I want a relationship like that. Specifically with Vic… But we all know that’s not happening. I leaned my head on the table because I was starting to feel sleepy. Vic and I had been up since like, four this morning. Thank god it was Sunday.
We all sat there until Jack was finished eating and then some more. I had my head on the table and was creeping on Gabe and Jack through my hair. They were being all cute and cuddly and I was being incredibly jealous again.
“Come on Kellin, maybe we should get you back to bed,” Vic said. I looked up to see that his eyes were fixed on me and filled with concern. I nodded and got up with Vic and we waved to everyone. I didn’t realise how tired I actually was since I was almost falling over on the way back.
“Do you need help Kellin?” Vic asked me, I looked over, barely able to keep my eyes open and nodded. “Get on.” I hopped on his back and fell asleep on the short way back to our room while he was giving me a piggy back ride there.
Vic dropped me on my bed gently and went to sit on his own bed. I just kind of laid there and stared at the ceiling, thinking to myself.
“So we’re back and you aren’t even going to sleep?” Vic asked me. I reached for my notebook only to realise I didn’t have it. Then I panicked. It’s not like I could really pull out one of my other ones, they had all my personal things in them. Vic noticed.
“Did you leave it at the table?” He asked me, his eyes full of concern. I shrugged and he pulled out his cell phone. “Hey man, did Kellin leave his notebook down there?”
By this point I was hyperventilating again. For the fourth time since I’ve gotten here and it’s only my second day. Lovely.
“Jeez, thanks man,” Vic sighed, sounding relieved. “Jesse’s bringing it up.”
I managed to calm down before Jesse got to our room and handed me back my pen and notebook. I told him thanks.
“Hey Vic, your brother’s starting up another soccer game,” Jesse said with a grin. “Want to help me out so we don’t lose too badly?”
“Sure, Kellin,” Vic said and turned to me. “Wanna come down too?” I shook my head and scribbled in my notebook.
I just want to try and take a nap. I held it up and Vic nodded.
“Come find me if you need anything,” He told me. “We’ll probably be in the backyard again.” I nodded again and waited until the door clicked shut behind them before digging my other notebooks out of the crack from beside my bed so I could write lyrics all morning. Maybe I’d go down later…