Sweet Little Girl

I am numb.

I am empty.

I sit here thinking that I could possibly be happy or the idea of happiness is deep inside of me, just fighting its way to break through my heaviness.

I know that’s a lie.

Everyone knows it is a lie.

You can’t just sit there with painted smiles because in the end of the day your eyes will betray you and show off the real you. The person that you want to hide from and you protect it from others.I know because I do it every-day, I just sit and let my memories eat me alive, I could never escape them unless, I black out. I try to suppress them and it works but not every time, and it gets harder to do it as I get older, and once they appear in my mind, it’s nonstop as a wave repeatedly crashing down on you. It gets hard to breathe, you just take short gasps of air, trying to remind yourself that everything will be okay but than other memory comes crashing over you and you are automatically drowning all over again.

He said it’s our little secret

I feel his whisper in my ear, and see that sweet smile that graced his beautiful face, his smile was sweet but showed off his age as the wrinkles deepen around his lips and eyes.

you can’t tell anyone

The lips weren’t soft as they were of mine.

They were a little chapped and wet at the same time.

I won’t. I promise.

that’s my little good girl.

And I am drowning all over again.

I can’t fucking breathe.

don’t you love coming over to uncle Michaels house?

The tears slowly rolled down her face as she sent him a weak smile.

yes.

The whisper could be barely heard but the old man smiled.

I love my sweet little girl

Sometimes I wish I was dead.