December

Evan's POV

After being reunited with Avery years after I promised I'd come back, the hospital officially discharged her from the hell she lived in for 2 years. After Avery's breakdown in front of me, she became cold again. Completely spaced out, I'm sure. She always ran off in her mind for comfort, even when we were kids. It wasn't as bad back then.

Avery followed me to my car, with all her possessions in one floral printed backpack, and her hands full with all the paperwork the doctors gave her. I opened the passenger side door for her, and she looked down as she crawled in the car. As turned on the radio, music filled mine and Avery's ears, startling her. Her eyes grew wide, and her tiny lips twisted into a smile.

"It's been 2 years since I could listen to music." She said, hugging her knees to her chest. Another habit she never grew out of.

"Really?" I asked, starting the car and feeling relief as she talked again. "You weren't allowed music?"

Avery shook her head, looking down. "No iPods. Or any MP3 players. Or even CD players. You can strangle yourself or someone else with the headphone cords. CDs are easy to break to harm yourself or someone else."

My eyes grew wide as I began to drive towards the main road, and I could hear her giggle. I smiled towards her, feeling even more relief.

"Yeah, only way we could listen to music was if we were lucky enough to get the radio. And usually it played shitty stations. The only other thing was watching the Grammys, but that's only on once a year!" She said, frustrated. It was cute, though.

I handed her my iPod, placing my hand on the wheel again as she gladly snatched it from me. Her eyes grew wide again, and she smiled.

"I haven't heard of most of these bands..." She sighed, scrolling through. I saw her thumb stop, but she sighed again.

"What's wrong, Ave?" I asked, still driving. I forgot this is about an hour drive back to our hometown.

"I missed a lot, didn't I?" She asked, completely drained now. It didn't take much to amuse her, and it never took much to bring her down.

"What matters is, you're out now. You're going to be okay, and starting today, things will get better." I said, smiling at her. She half smiled, handing back the iPod to me.

"Can you put on that song you had playing before?" She asked innocently. "I liked the beginning of it."

Luckily, at a red light, I quickly scrolled down to the song that was playing when we first got in the car. Man Overboard's song Decemberism. I listened to this too much last year and this year, thinking of Avery. But whatever, if it made her happy right now, I was willing to go out of my way just to see her smile again.

Before the light turned green, I clicked on the song, turning it up. Avery hugged her knees tighter to her body, staring out the window as we sped by the world.

We all wait for the snow to fall
And I hate this time of year because it kills us all but we
Run around like kids on the loose
Chasing dreams like the babies play duck, duck, goose and I
Wait by the window cause she said she would call
And when you finally do I watch the words fall out of
My mouth and stick to my shirt
The summer's always lovely but the winters always hurt
And maybe next year you could find me somewhere in the dirt

Who could forget
It was almost 2003
We kissed under your Christmas tree
While your parents were asleep

I was 15
On top of the world
I was 15
And you were my girl
And all I'm saying is for Christmas this year I would kinda like to see you

Happy holidays, let's hope for the best
And I'll try to ignore the feeling that I get in my chest when I
Think about all the time that we missed
Being caught up growing up and acting selfish and pissed but I
Wait by the airport cause you said you'd come home
And by now my hands are glued to my phone as you
Walk on a plane to fly home from LA
I'm missing you on Christmas in the worst kind of way
And maybe next time it won't be so easy for you to stray

Who could forget
It was almost 2003
We kissed under your Christmas tree
While your parents were asleep

I was 15
On top of the world
I was 15
And you were my girl
And all I'm saying is for Christmas this year I would kinda like to see you

"Hey, Ave?"

Avery turned away from the window to me, her eyes swollen and drenched in tears. Shit.

"What's wrong? Do you need me to pull over?" I asked, panicked. She shook her head, wiping her tears on her cardigan sleeve.

"I'm just really, really emotional right now. I'm really happy you kept your promise, and that I'm not stuck there anymore. But I missed so much. A lot can happen in two years, a lot did happen in that time. My parents are dead. I have no idea what to feel." Avery whispered, hiccuping sobs every so often.

"Avery, you just gotta let everything out. I'm sure the therapists told you that plenty of times. You're going to be alright." I said, reaching out to grab her hand while I drove with my left one. Her tears instantly stopped. "I know it's overwhelming now, so just take your time with everything, and it'll all fall into place. I promise. And you know I never flake out on my promises."

"I know. I'm just really sleepy, and you know how my emotions get when I'm sleepy." Avery said, sighing.

"Are you still not sleeping?" I asked, now concerned. She never slept well. Just barely enough to get her through the day, if she was lucky.

"They gave me medication after the first week, but my mind and body still fight it. Mainly because the nightmares are a lot worse. I may have missed a lot while I was stuck in the hospital... but you missed a lot since we were younger, Evan." Her head leaned back onto the car seat, eyes fluttering closed.

"If you're willing to catch me up, I'll listen to every word." I said, pulling into the driveway of her house. The drive went by faster than expected.

"Why are we here?" She asked, worried. Avery's eyes darted back and forth between her house and my eyes.

"We can stay at my house if you want, I just figured if you at least wanted to get some of your stuff for now..." I trailed off, now glancing at my childhood house across the street. I moved years ago, out to LA and my parents moved to some "safer" neighborhood. As if this one was even dangerous. We never sold the house across from Avery's house, though. It just never came around, I guess.

"Yeah, can we? I-I don't wa-wanna be in here for too long." Avery said, using all her strength to hold back more tears. I nodded, turning the car off to get out and help her out.

We walked to the front door, and before she opened it, her stare became distant and cold again.

+++++++++

Avery's POV

Opening my front door, I felt my vision warp, and saw the Christmas tree all lit up. The decorations hung from every free inch of the house. My parents always went all out for the holidays.

I ran to the tree, noticing the pile of presents under it. There was a comforting smell of homemade cookies traveling from the kitchen. My mom must have been baking like she does every year. She always over bakes, but I never complained.

"Mom! Mom! I'm home!" I ran into the kitchen, and saw the boxes filled with cookies piled all over the table. My mom had her back to me, as she stood at the oven. But when she turned around, her face... was melting off her bones. I shut my eyes fast and hard, opening them again to find the kitchen completely dark. Nothing was on. There were no cookies. No decorations. My mom wasn't really there. I imagined the whole thing.

I felt my knees give out and I collapsed, falling to the kitchen floor. Evan caught me before I hit my head against the tile floor, but I couldn't stop crying. I can't remember when I started.

"Shit, Ave, are you okay?" Evan asked, extremely concerned. I nodded, feeling my vision warp again. I shut my eyes fast, shaking my head. "You have to stop running away in your mind."

"I can't help it... I never actually imagined memories were reality, like that. You know that!" I said, crying harder. "I just let my myself wander and keep it in my mind! That's all!"

"I know, Ave. It's okay, I think you just didn't want to see this place empty." Evan said, twirling a strand of my hair in between his fingers as he held me close. I pushed his hands away, getting up and running to my room. "Avery!"

I kept going, making it to my room and slamming it shut before ripping the drawers apart in my desk. I had to find it. My box, filled to the top with new and old razors. It's been so long since I last used a real razor to hurt myself.

Pulling the shiniest from the bunch, I rolled my sleeve up and tried finding soft, even skin to slash open. It's been awhile, obviously.

I didn't hear the door open, but before I could slice my skin, Evan quickly grabbed the razor from me in disbelief. I threw a punch at his chest, but he wasn't even phased. His eyes grew wide with concern as he noticed the box filled with countless razors. He took them, throwing them all out the window, slamming it shut and cursing under his breath. I couldn't even cry. I was convinced I cried myself dry.

"Show me."

"Show you what, Evan? I didn't do it, I swear." I whispered, feeling like a small child being yelled at. Evan sighed, pulling me into a hug.

"I don't want to lose you. It almost happened, and I don't want it to happen again." He whispered into my ear. I nodded, looking down before opening my mouth to speak.

"Evan?"

"Yeah, Ave?"

"I'm scared. You're all I have now." I whispered, shuffling my feet against the ugly carpet in my room. Evan placed a finger under my chin to lift my face back to his. He smiled sympathetically down at me before kissing my forehead.

"So don't leave, Avery."