Beautiful Mistake

Move in with me. I think we’re ready.

We practically live at each other’s apartments. We might as well move in together.

Think about it. A nice picket fence, somewhere in the suburbs, where no one can bother us.

I wiped the sweat off my brow as Zayn’s words echoed in the corners of my mind.

Are you sure? We’ve only been together for five months. Aren’t we going too fast?

I know, but where would we move in to? Both of our apartments are too small for two people.

But what about my dancing? I can’t just make the trek from Barnet every day and night.

I groaned as I stretched my back, hearing the oddly satisfying pop and crack of my spine. I went through the quick pointe work of Snow in the Nutcracker. To end, I launched into the series of long, deep arabesques and at the end, I collapsed. My back spasmed uncontrollably, stealing my breath away as the muscles tightened and clenched together. I evened my breathing, closing my eyes, waiting for the spasm to end.

But it didn’t.

I hobbled to the physio’s room, “Moira,” was all I could muster, “Moira, it’s my back again. It’s spasming and it won’t stop.”

“Oh dear!” The redhead rushed over to me and helped me lay on my stomach on one of the treatment tables. She began to prod and knead at the muscles in my back, trying to relax them, “Better? What happened?”

“A little. I was practicing Snow and I went to do the penchees and on the last one, my back just started spasming and it hasn’t stop.”

“Lowe back again or everywhere?”

“Everywhere,” I groaned as she worked out the knots.

“It’s getting worse, Natalie. I’m going to recommend for you to take the season off. No ballet, no rehearsals, nothing. I would recommend swimming to stay in shape, but you really need to lay off the physical activity.”

“Are you recommending or telling?” My season can’t be over. This was my first season with the Royal Ballet and I can’t have it ending before it even began. I can’t spend the best years of my career lying in bed, waiting for my back to heal.

“Telling. As in I’m telling you and I’ll be telling Kevin that you’re out for the season. I don’t want to see you step foot in here till next year.”

“So my season is over. Just like that?”

“You need to understand Natalie that you need to listen to your body. You’ve been having back spasms and strains for a long time and you didn’t listen or change your technique. So it’s escalated and now you’re out for a season. You need to take the time to figure out what’s going on with your body and why it’s reacting that way. Think about the penchees and all your movements and why they would hurt your back.”

The mental video of my dancing through Snow played, “I think I’m doing a lot of movement from my back, when I should have been using other parts of my body like my glutes, obliques and hamstrings.”

“Good, that’s a start, but you’re still banned from the season.”

“But Moira,” I whined, “This is my first season. I can’t have it ending, before it began.”

“But Natalie,” She mocked, “I don’t want you to be my first paralyzed ballerina.”



“How much did you like me because I was a dancer and how much did you like me because I’m me?” My voice cracked as the tears filled my eyes. I had come straight to Zayn’s apartment from the Opera House.

“What happened?” He held me. Really held me. And we were totally silent for what seemed like a day and a half.

“It’s over,” My lower lip quivered as I took a few ragged breathes, “My debut season is over before it even started,” My vision was blurred from the tears that threatened to fall. “My back is injured and has been spasming uncontrollably.”

“Baby,” Zayn cooed as he rubbed the very back that cost me my season, “It’s for the best. There’s always next year. There’s always next year.”



“Natalie, honey, I think you need to get out of the city,” My Dad sat across from me, next to Zayn, “We love you and we’re both just concerned about your mental and physical health right now.”

“Is this an intervention?”

“Yes. Baby, I’m worried about you. You do nothing but sit here and mope around.”

“What else am I supposed to do? I don’t have ballet anymore. Ballet was my life,” Was my life. It felt like it was being ripped away from me.

“We think that maybe if you moved in with me, I have a place that I found. It’s really great out in the suburbs, white picket fences and a yard and a pool. We can have the physio come in and help you. We just think that maybe the city is getting too much for you, right now,” Zayn’s brown eyes showed the worry and love. Yes that warm glint was definitely love.

“Yes,” I choked out.

“Yes?” Zayn’s face lit up like a kid in a candy store.

“Yes I’ll move into your suburban paradise.”