Unintended Love

I got out of my car and slowly walked up the front walkway of my house. I put my key into the door and walked in. My parents were in the kitchen. My mom was at the stove trying to make dinner with my dad behind her, kissing her neck. I loudly cleared my throat. They quickly turned around.
“Oh, Zack.” said mom.
“Where’ve you been?” asked my dad.
“I was helping someone out.”
“With what?” asked my dad, sitting on one of the counter bar stools. I sat next to him.

“Well, he was beat up. Someone really special to me was beat up pretty badly.”
“Oh my goodness,” said mom, turning off the stove and wiping her hands on her apron. “Do they know who did it?”
“His father did it.”
“Have they arrested the father?” asked mom.
“No, they can’t find him, but…his mother is really busy with work and so is his older sister, so…I went over to his to help him out.”
“Well, I’m really proud of you, son. You did the right thing.”
“He’s really special to me.”
“You’ve been friends for a long time?” asked my mom.
“No mom…He’s special to me…because I love him.”
Silence fell between all of us. My dad looked away and my mom couldn’t stop staring into my eyes, like I was going to take it back or something.
“Are you guys gonna say anything?” I asked.
“I don’t get it,” said my dad. “What about Amy?”
“I did love Amy. But I fell in love with her out of obligation. The love I have for Rain is the real thing.”
“Rain?” asked mom.
“That’s his name,” I said. “Please, I’m telling you because…this is really who I am. I don’t expect you to understand, but Rain was beaten by his father because he couldn’t handle his son’s homosexuality, and I just hope that you don’t hate me like Rain’s dad hates him.”
“Son, of course we don’t hate you. We’re just…We’re just surprised,” said dad.
“But we’re glad you were honest with us,” said mom.
“And if there’s anything we can do to, to help out your friend and, and his family just let us know,” said dad.
“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I was so scared to tell you guys. Thanks.”
“We love you. You’re our flesh and blood. We would never judge you for something you were born with,” said dad.
I hugged my father and then got up to hug my mother. She hugged me tightly. After the hug, she kissed my cheek, leaving a big lipstick mark that I could feel.
“Mom!” I complained, then wiped the lipstick off.
She smiled. I saw her eyes fill up with tears.
“Mom, what’s this?” I asked. “Why are you crying?”
“My boy…I still remember when you were just little boy, waddling around the house.”
“Mom, don’t get all mushy.”
“I can’t help it. You’re growing so fast.”
“You’ve been through this before with Greg, remember.” I said.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t get any easier,” she said, wiping her tears.
“Mom, I think I’m gonna take off.”
“But dinner’s about to be ready and Greg’s coming over.” said mom.
“I wanna go check on Rain and see if he’s okay. I’m really worried about him. He’s all alone.”
“Do you need me to go with you?” asked Dad. “You know, if you need more help?”
“No, he’s just got some bruised ribs and some stitches. I’m just gonna cook for him if he needs it or…help him around.”
“This kid is really lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I messed up, dad. My inability to acknowledge how I really felt about him really hurt him and…he’s with someone else now.”
“Then why are YOU the one helping him, hmm?” asked mom.
“His boyfriend is out of town.”
“Look, son, if this boy has moved on. I don’t think you should be wasting your time with him.” said dad.
“Dad, I love him. I’m not wasting my time. And he loves me. He admitted it to me. It’s just really complicated dad. You wouldn’t understand.”
“You’re right, I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry. I have to go.”
I couldn’t stand to listen to them anymore. All I knew was that I love Rain and nothing was gonna stop me from getting him back. Nothing.
I left my house and drove to Rain’s house. I parked in front. I thought about just driving away and not going in, but it was getting dark and his mom still wasn’t home. I wanted to go in, even if it was just to check on him and then leave.
So I walked up to the house. I thought about ringing the bell, but that would mean he would have to get up and answer the door. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. So, I looked around for a spare key or something. It was under the planter next to the door. I used the key and walked in. I didn’t see anyone so, I started to look around.
“Rain,” I called.
Then, this tall, sort of red haired girl woman walked out of the kitchen. I assumed this was Jenna.
“Who are you?” asked Jenna.
“I’m Zack,” I answered.
She scowled at me a bit. Rain must’ve told her about me.
“Is Rain here?” I asked.
“He’s in the kitchen,” she answered with a bit of attitude.
I started to walk passed her, but then she grabbed my arm.
“Listen,” she whispered. “If you hurt him, I’m having your head on a stick. Got it?”
She started to squeeze my arm. It started to hurt so I jerked my arm away.
“I don’t want to hurt Rain. I love him.”
“We’ll see about that, won’t we?”
I didn’t say anything else. I just walked passed her and into the kitchen. Rain was sitting at the table. I sat next to him.
“How did it go with Amy?” he asked.
“Okay, I guess. She’s really pissed.” I answered. “And…”
“And what?”
“I told my parents.”
“Oh…how’d they take it?”
“Good. They were great.”
He sighed and looked down. “That’s good. I’m happy for you.”
Shit! I’m such an insensitive prick! Why am I bragging about how good my parents took the fact that I’m gay when Rain is in such bad shape? Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
“I’m sorry. Look, I just came to see if you needed anything, but obviously you don’t since your sister is here.”
“Yeah” he said.
“So…you think you can still come to the game on Friday? I really want you to go.”
“I don’t know. If I feel better, I’ll go.”
“And since…since Gabe isn’t going to be here for the dance…I was wondering…”
“No, no, no…absolutely not. I’m not going to that dance with anyone else besides Gabe. Besides, do you really want to be seen with a guy the day before your first game of the season?”
I thought about it and my love for him might have made me not care about the game, but I decided that he was right. I have no idea how the team is gonna react. I can’t take a chance on ruining the game.
“You’re right. I’m sorry that I suggested it.”
“Well, I’ve got to get to some homework. If you don’t mind…just, just go Zack.”
“Okay, but I’m not gonna leave without saying this.” I paused. “I love you, Rain. Don’t forget that.”
When he didn’t say anything, I got up and left. I walked to the door. I looked to my left into the living room and saw Jenna sitting and watching television. I muttered goodbye.
“Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out,” said Jenna.
I walked out, wondering if Jenna had reason to dislike me as much as she did. She did. I hurt Rain really badly. I did some really shitty things. But he’s been dishing the hurt out just as bad.
Then I wondered if things would ever be right in my life. Would I ever be with Rain the way I want to be? The way we were together in Hawaii.

The next afternoon, I had football practice. I could hardly concentrate. I dropped three out of four balls that Kevin Greer, the quarterback, threw to me. The coach was in my face every five minutes, practically soaking my face with his saliva. He made me stay after practice and do extra laps around the field.
After my laps, I went back to the locker room. They didn’t take me long, so some of the guys were still in the shower. As always, I tried not to look. For so long, I tried to hide how much I was attracted to guys. I joined football to try and prove that I was a real man, but it ended up being harder than before I joined. What with all the butt slapping and steamy showers and jockstrap snapping.
But, I was always able to keep my feelings under wraps. That is, until I met Rain. For some reason, I just couldn’t keep my feeling for him a secret. He’s like heroine to me. He’s just so addictive. I have to be around him. And now…now I have to see him with someone else and its complete torture. That’s part of the reason why half the time, I can’t concentrate at practice.
So, now that I’m there, after practice, after my laps, I sat on the bench in front of my locker. I took my towel from my locker and started to wipe my face. Then, Tommy Cooper, a fellow receiver, stood next to me wearing only a towel.
“Sup, Morgan.”
I turned my head to him. My face was right in his washboard abs. I took a big gulp. They were still dripping with warm water. Then, he sat.
“Hey, T-Tommy,” I stuttered a bit.
“You okay?” he asked. “You weren’t yourself today.”
“Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?” he took off his towel and was now completely naked, sitting next to me.
“Um…um…” It was hard not to look, but I managed. “Amy and I just broke up.”
“No shit!” he said, getting his underwear on. “You two have been together forever. What happened?”
“I, ah…I just got tired of the whole thing. It was like we were married already and we’re not even out of high school.”
“Yeah, I know what ya mean. If a girl even thinks about getting too serious with me, I go the other direction. I can’t handle that type of shit yet.”
As he got dressed, my blood pressure went down. I never noticed how hot he was before. Not him at least. Maybe now that I’ve actually acknowledged my attraction to guys I can appreciate how hot they really are. It’s not that I’m not attracted to girls. I am. I think that makes me bi, but I just like guys a lot better. And now I’m in love with one.
I thought of Rain. I thought of his cute smile and his beautiful eyes. Then I thought of his thin waist and his flat stomach and the way his hips a V that point right to his…well, you know where I’m going with that. I just…I love everything about him.
After thinking about Rain, I thought about Kevin Greer. After Chad, he’s the closest thing to a best friend that I have. Actually, if I think about it, he’s a better friend.
Back when Kevin’s mom was going through cancer, I was the one he talked to. And when Amy and I were having problems, he was the one I turned to. Not Chad. Maybe, maybe I could tell him. Why not? He and I were close enough right?
“Hey, Tommy; have you seen Kev?” I asked.
“Um…I think he just left if you wanna catch him,” said Tommy.
“Naw, I think I’ll catch him later.” I said.
I started to undress to get in the shower. By then, everyone was out. It was a good thing, too with how much I’ve been thinking about Rain. I would probably get a little too excited as I always do when I think of him. The guys would probably get the wrong idea or something. Yeah, most of them are hot, but I’m not into any of them. I only get a boner for Rain for some reason.
As I stood under the hot water of the shower, I closed my eyes and just relaxed. Something I haven’t had the chance to do very often. I washed my body quickly and then went back to my locker to dress. I packed my practice clothes to take them home and wash them. I locked my locker and then walked out of the locker room. I walked out to the parking lot. The school was practically deserted. When I got into my car. I found myself driving to Rain’s house instead of home.
I didn’t get off at his house, I just kind of drove passed it. I felt like a stalker, but I couldn’t help it. When I got home, Greg was sitting in the living room watching TV with Jacob.
“Where’s mom and dad?” I asked.
“They went out for dinner. It’s their anniversary, remember?”
“Right,” I said, remembering.
“Where’ve you been?” asked Greg. “You were supposed to be home an hour ago to babysit Jake. I had to come because mom and dad were gonna lose their reservations.”
“Sorry. I had to stay a little longer at practice.” I said. “You can go now if you want.”
“Yeah, um, I’m supposed to meet up with this girl I met the other day at Starbucks. We’re gonna have drinks.”
“Cool, you can go. I’m not going anywhere.”
Greg got up from the couch and came over. I must’ve been really distracted because I didn’t even know how he got right next to me. He hand his hand flat on his back.
“Zack, are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”
“Is it Rain, again?” he asked.
I sighed and scratched my head. “Yeah. I’m just really worried about him.”
“Mom and dad told me what happened to him. I’m so sorry.”
“I just don’t like to know that he’s in pain.” I said.
“At least it’s good that you came out to them. I’m proud of you.”
Greg gave me a tight hug.
“Remember, if you ever need to talk; I’m just a phone call away.”
“Thanks Greg. Now go, or you’ll be late for your date.”
“It’s not a date.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, she already has a boyfriend. We’re just going out as friends.”
I smiled. “The story of my life.”
“Right,” he smiled back. “See ya.”
As soon as he left, Jake asked me to watch cartoons with him. I really just wanted to go upstairs and do my homework in peace and quiet, but I figured that I don’t really get to spend much time with Jake, so I might as well.
I did my homework on the living room coffee table. I knelt on the floor as I did it. On the other side of the table, Jake knelt down, doing his own homework. In the background, Edgar & Ellen was on low TV with the volume on low. I was actually enjoying my time with Jake, even though we weren’t really doing anything special.
As we sat doing our homework. Jake would ask me an occasional question about his homework. I would help him out and then get back to mine.
“Zack?” asked Jake.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“What’s gay?”
I froze. I didn’t know what to say. Do I tell him the truth, or do I lie to him. On one hand, I avoid a really awkward conversation. On the other, I only put it off until he finds out that I lied to him.
“Gay…Gay is when two boys or two girls love each other instead of a boy and a girl.” I answered. “Where did you hear that word?”
“I heard mom tell dad that you are gay.” said Jake.
“Oh…”
“What’s that mean?” he asked.
“That means I love a boy.”
“Why?”
“Just do your homework. It’s almost time for your bath and then bed.”
“But I’m not sleepy.”
“I don’t care. Your bed time is eight and mom’ll kill me if you’re not in bed by then.”
“No she won’t!”
“Okay, not literally. You know what I mean. Stop being smart.
He smiled and then got back to his homework. I got back to mine, but didn’t get much done after that before the doorbell rang. I got up and walked out of the living room and into the foyer to answer the door. It was Kevin Greer.
“Kev, what’s up? What’re you doing here?”
“I just had a very interesting conversation with Nicole. She‘d just came from Amy‘s. Can I come in?” he asked.
Nicole is Kevin’s girlfriend and Amy’s best friend. I was scared out of my mind. What did she tell her? Was he here to freak out?
I let him in despite my fears. I shut the door and then walked back over to him.
“What did she say?” I asked.
“She told Nicole and then Nicole told me that…Amy caught you kissing a guy which is…” he laughed, “pretty lame of her, don’t you think. She doesn’t have to start making up rumors just because you broke up with her. I never knew she was like that.”
“She’s not,” I said honestly.
“What do you mean? I just told you that-”
“Amy wasn’t lying.” I took a deep breath. “She did catch me kissing a guy.”
Kevin looked at me confused.
“Look, I know you’re probably freaked out right now. But…I just want you to know that this won’t affect how I play whatsoever,” I said.
He was still silent. He didn’t look mad or freaked out or anything. He just looked confused.
“But…I don’t get it. Are you gay?”
“No…I still like girls. I’m…I’m bi,” I finally said it.
“So…how long have you known this?” asked Kevin.
“I don’t know. Since I was younger. I just tried to hide my feelings,” I answered.
“Dang…that must’ve been hell.”
I was shocked. He was actually okay with it.
“Wait so…you’re not freaked out or anything?” I asked.
“Well, I can’t say that it’s not a little weird. But it doesn’t freak me out. Shit, we live in LA. It’s not that uncommon.”
I felt a giant weight lift off of my shoulders. My quarterback was comfortable with who I was.
“Can I ask you something, though? Can we just keep this between us?”
“You might have to tell that to Amy. She’s the one telling people. Though, it might’ve just been Nicole. They are best friends,” he said. “And you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone. This is our senior year. We need to make it as stress free as possible.”
“Thanks a lot. This has been really tough on me and I just don’t want to cause anymore drama.”
“Well, I gotta go. I’ll see ya at tomorrow’s workout.” said Kevin.
He patted me on the back and then started to walk through the door. We said goodbye and I closed the door. Now that I know he’s okay with it, I might actually have a good game on Friday night.
After he left, I sent Jake upstairs to take his bath. Then, I moved all of my stuff upstairs to my room. I sat at my desk finishing my homework. When I looked at my clock, I realized that Jacob had spent almost half an hour in the bathroom.
So, I got up and walked out of my room and over to the bathroom. I gently knocked on the door and then walked in. There, Jacob sat up in the bathtub playing with his little trucks and things making splashes.
“Are you done yet?” I asked. “You must look like an old man by now.”
“A few more minutes?” he asked.
“No, you’ve gotta go to bed. It’s already eight.”
He wouldn’t get out, so I picked him up out of the tub and quickly wrapped a towel around him. When he stepped out, I unplugged the drain.
“Now dry off,” I told him.
I left the bathroom and walked over to Jake’s bedroom. I grabbed his pajamas from his dresser-drawers; underwear, socks, pajama pants, and a t-shirt. I walked back to the bathroom and then handed them to him.
I left the bathroom again so he could dress, but waited outside. Once he came out, I walked with him to his room. It was a typical eight-year-old boy’s room. All over the room were action figures, toy cars and trucks. He had Transformers sheets and blankets. It was a little messy with some toys on the floor and some dirty clothes, but not much.
Jacob sat in bed and pulled the covers over himself. I stood beside his bed and then started to walk out.
“Wait,” he said. “You’re supposed to read to me.”
“What?” I asked. “You’re eight years old. Can’t you read by yourself?”
“Yeah, but…dad usually reads to me.”
“Well, what does he read to you?” I asked.
Jacob grabbed a book from his nightstand. I walked back to the bed and grabbed it from him. It was The Wizard of Oz. I sat on the side of Jacob’s bed, opened the book from where my dad had the bookmark. I started to read. Jacob just sat quietly and listened.
I read for about fifteen or twenty minutes and then Jacob fell asleep. I put the bookmark in the book and closed it. I put the book gently back onto his nightstand. I pulled his blanket up to cover him a little more and then walked to the door.
“Night little buddy,” I whispered before I shut off the light.
I left his door open a little. He likes it like that. I walked over to my room and then continued my homework. Today was a good day.