Tiger Eyes

"You fucking bastard!" Billie found himself yelling as he scrambled to find his shirt. He couldn't accept what he had just done with Mike, what he had just chosen to do. Was it the drink? No, he'd only had one. How could it possibly be the drink? But why else would he do such a thing? Cheat on Adrienne. Oh, God, Adie...

Mike only smirked as he made another graceful move to pull an ever-present cigarette to his lips. "What did I do then?"

"You- you- urgh!" Billie couldn't find the words for his thoughts. How could he possibly answer that question? 'You seduced me!' No, he'll just say some snarky comment about blaming him for being sexy or something. But what the fuck do I say to that? "You made me cheat on my fiancé!"

"I seem to remember you having a choice in that," Mike noted.

"I- I know I did, but- You shouldn't have let me! You should've reminded me, told me-"

"I reminded you, Billie."

"But only after I said something!" Billie had found his shirt by now and was struggling to control his shaking fingers long enough to fasten the buttons. "Fucking buttons won't... shit." He had started in the wrong space, making the shirt appear lopsided. He slumped onto the couch in frustration, resting his head in his hand and muttering distressfully to himself.

Mike sighed, walking over and sitting gently next to the younger man. He felt a twinge of sadness somewhere inside to see Billie so uneasy. Why was that, he wondered. There weren't many before that could ever have pulled that touch of sympathy from him. It had been years since he'd shown the least bit of care for another's feelings. Feelings were false anyway. They were tricky and uncontrollable and only seemed to bring pain. He'd found it best to cut them out altogether. So what was happening now?

"What are you doing?" Billie mumbled defeatedly, not stirring from his position but to become more tense as Mike's hands came towards him. Mike stopped, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth for a moment.

"Helping you," he said simply before returning the nicotine stick to his lips and proceeding to correct the arrangement of buttons on Billie's shirt. Billie slumped back even more, allowing Mike's fingers to delicately push the buttons through the holes. Mike's fingers. God, what they'd been doing only minutes ago, how different it was from this. They'd felt so hard, so firm against his sides, something to hold him in place rather than something that could help, something that could comfort. Yes, the soft feeling of Mike's fingers buttoning his shirt seemed to be his only source of comfort at the moment. It made no sense, but neither did his decision to follow him into the room.

"God, I need a fucking smoke," Billie remarked as he reached for the cigarette in Mike's mouth. He was surprised to see Mike let him take it, but took a drag anyway only to start coughing. "That's fucking strong, man... I don't know how you're still breathing." Mike smiled softly, and Billie felt a little flutter in his chest. He'd never seen Mike smile that way before. But no, this was the man who had caused him to cheat on Adrienne. He couldn't let that smile get to him, or the gentle hands helping him with his shirt because of his own shaking fingers, or the crystal blue eyes which seemed to have softened in this room. He couldn't let this man become good. With those thoughts, Billie took another careful drag from the cigarette.

"I can't beleive I did that. God, I cheated on her. With my fucking boss, of all people. I mean, I thought she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, y'know? I thought I loved her, but... how could I do this if I loved her? Sleep with someone I've known for a few weeks, not go home to her when I get off of work. I should've done that. I should never have stuck around. I should've tried harder to make it work. I love her, Mike, don't you fucking get that? And you... you ruined everything."

Mike was silent through Billie's ramblings as he finished buttoning the shirt. He'd known Billie would be upset. It was what made him Billie. That he cared, that he tried. Mike liked it that way. But whatever he said, Mike knew that it was over. Billie took a longer drag on Mike's cigarette, slowly letting it out and looking dangerously close to a breakdown.

"It was ruined long before you met me," he finally spoke calmly. Billie couldn't react any more than to gaze down quietly, still attempting to steady his shaking hands. He felt as if he would cry, as if Adrienne had already left him, as if he were suddenly all alone in the world except for this strange man sitting beside him like some sort of doctor watching over him, ready to fix everything. Because he was right. Everything had been ruined, and he was too ignorant to acknowledge it.

"I... I proposed to her. I thought we'd get married and be happy and..."

"And everything would be fixed?" Billie nodded. "Well now, you know it's bullshit." Billie only stared at his knees as salt water began pooling in his moss-green eyes. He brought the cigarette again to his lips, inhaling deeply before falling into another hacking cough from the strength of it. "You're going to kill yourself with that," Mike pointed out, taking the cigarette from his companion's hands and quickly finishing it off before stamping the butt into the ashtray in that graceful movement of his.

"Maybe it's better that way. I'll never have to tell her what happened."

"You still don't. Assuming you can hide a hickie."

Billie's hand went quickly to his neck, touching the spot in which he was sure it would reside. "Are you serious?" Mike only smirked. "Fuck..." Billie leaned back again, wishing he had another cigarette. He'd told Adrienne he'd stopped smoking. She would smell the tobacco on his breath, see the spot on his neck, his hair askew, hear his tongue tied up in whatever lie he tried to tell. But besides that, she was Adrienne. "I can't lie to her, Mike. She's all I have."

"That's not true."

"Her and this job... what the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

"Whatever the fuck you want, Billie. I'm not the one making you choose."

Billie only looked at him for a moment. He still couldn't understand Mike. He could feel like he cared, and he sometimes could look like he cared, but his words sounded as cold and distant as ever. Billie wondered how he could be attracted to that, how he could like that, but somehow, he knew. He liked Mike's honesty. But did Mike really care?

"What we just did... did it mean anything to you?" His voice was weak, but he felt the question needed to be asked.

"It was just a fuck," the other answered easily, his eyes serious and unwavering. Billie nodded. To Mike, it was just a fuck. That seemed logical. Mike wouldn't take any deeper meaning from sex, of all things. It just wasn't him. But something smaller... Billie tentatively reached out his hand, laying it on Mike's cheek. "What are you doing?" the man asked, but Billie decided not to answer in words. He only rested his hand for a moment on the taller man's chiseled face before guiding it closer to his. He was surprised Mike allowed him to do this but had no time to show it before their lips met in another explosion of heat and flame. The fire was controlled this time, however, and Billie had the power to control it.

"What about that?" he asked moments later when he'd pulled slightly away to find Mike's hands resting unconciously on his hips and his own laying easily on Mike's shoulder. God, the kiss was amazing. He didn't know people could still kiss like that, much less the man in front of him. It was so deep, so heartfelt, so terribly real, Billie could barely make himself think as he looked into Mike's eyes. "Was that just a kiss?"

Mike's only answer was an expression of mild confusion spread over his features. Moments ago, Billie had hated him. It was legitimate, of course; Mike had pushed on the ruin of Billie's relationship. But suddenly, he'd decided to kiss him... and kiss him like that.

Billie sighed and rested his head on Mike's bare chest. He didn't expect a response. "That's okay. You don't have to answer." They were silent for another moment, each content only to lie still and contemplate the other. Billie shifted his position slightly in order to hear the beating of the other man's heart. What was going on in there?

"You're an asshole," Billie sighed. "You're a self-centered fucking asshole. But right now, that's all I have."