Diary of a Hunter

"Mm, Dean, that's really… nice," I mumbled as I began to wake up to Dean kissing my neck. I giggled and then finally opened my eyes. I rolled over in bed, still tangled and covered in the sheets and looked at the man that I was in love with.

"Good morning," Dean said, our faces parallel to each other.

"Morning," I replied. Dean smiled at me and I bit my lip, hiding away underneath the sheets. I hadn't been this happy in a very long time. Dean just made my heartache in a good way and I had missed that a lot.

"Hey, I thought I just got you up. You can't go back to sleep!" Dean protested, seeking me underneath the covers. Dean was on top of me while the covers shielded us from the rest of the world, providing a tent for us. We shared a laugh before kissing.

"Mm, I want you so bad, baby," Dean groaned into the kiss.

I pulled away and giggled, "Dean." I turned my head to the left side but that didn't stop him. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, my chest. I arched my back at his kisses. "Dean, quit, you're acting like a horny teenager!"

"I am a horny teenager," Dean said seriously, looking me dead straight in the eye. I laughed and then met his lips, kissing him. Being back with Dean had been so good. I knew that it wasn't permanent and that it would end tomorrow, but I could enjoy what was happening now. I had missed him so much and it had felt like nothing had changed at all.

"You can't possibly want to have sex again. We did it like three times last night," I giggled, constantly being interrupted by Dean's kisses – not that I was complaining or anything. I rolled us over so that I was on top now.

"What can I say? I missed you," he said, biting his lip as he glanced at my naked body. I felt so on display at the moment but at the same time it was Dean and I felt so comfortable with him.

"Dean," I groaned, rolling my eyes. I was not in the mood right now but if he kept this up, I knew I would be, meaning I'd be roped into another hour or so of wasting the day away. "So what? Are we just going to spend all day in bed?"

"If you're lucky," Dean said back.

"Okay, Dean, seriously. You're going to kill me here!" I exclaimed.

Just then, there was a knock on the door, "Damn room service." Dean grumbled. Dean began to get out of bed and I just lay there. I sighed with relief, closing my eyes again. "This doesn't mean you're getting off the hook." Dean pulled on a shirt since he was already wearing boxers and made his way to the door to our room.

"Ay, ay, captain," I teased. As Dean had disappeared I pulled on some clothes from the bag that Molly had packed me. I put on a t-shirt and some underwear. I knew that there was probably no use in putting on pants so I didn't bother. I sat back down in bed and tried to tidy up the murdered sheets.

"So I got your favorite… waffles," Dean said.

"How did you know?" I asked back. "Aww."

"I don't forget things that easily, Summers," Dean replied.

"That could either be something really good, and if I ever screw up, something really, really bad," I observed.

"I don't think you'd ever screw up with me," Dean said, with disbelief.

"I somehow doubt that," I replied. "I don't know if you think I'm perfect or something but I'm uh... far from it."

"I somehow doubt that," Dean said, surely.

"Dean, stop it," I blushed, avoiding his stare. He had that endearing, sweet look on his face that made me feel so good yet I was shying away from it. It was overwhelming...and scary. He was leaving soon anyways...

"What?" he asked, innocently. I just shook my head at him, rolling my eyes playfully. "What? You're going to change the world someday, Mer. Just admit it and own up to it, okay?" he teased.

I shot him a look, "The things guys'll say to get past second base!"

He smirked, "I mean... if we're talking about that then-." I interrupted him by shoving a piece of waffle in his face to shut him up. He bit the waffle off the fork, willingly, before the two of us exchanged a laugh.

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"Ugh, I haven't done anything at all today," I groaned, glancing over at the clock. It was already twelve thirty and we literally hadn't left the room all day.

"Hm, I can think of one thing that you've done. More like one person," Dean smirked.

"Okay, beside that!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm fresh out of ideas," Dean said.

"Wow," I said, sarcastically. "Sex really is what guys think about all the time. You know, we could watch some TV, play a game- no! Not that kind of game, Dean!" Dean groaned and I laughed at his boyishness. He was so darn cute sometimes.

"Come here," Dean said. I curled up in his arms and he held me close to him. The arms of my t-shirt were starting to sag and show my bra strap but I didn't care. "Well, it'll be nice to take a few days off. I'm sure you'll be busy next year anyways. You going to college or what?"

I nodded and smiled to myself, "Mhm. I'm going to Syracuse. It's in New York. You know… you could come visit me sometime. Anyways, I'm excited. I've barely seen much out of Sioux Falls and from hunts but New York… that's a whole other monster. I mean, it's not like it'll be in the city, it's upstate, but still. I'll be able to go down to the city on the weekends and spend time there. It's crazy, you know?"

"Wow. I've been a couple of times on hunts. It's pretty cool, I guess," Dean shrugged.

"You know, I think I want to be a teacher," I started, almost as if it was a sudden realization for me. I looked up at Dean and he looked down at me.

"Wow, that's uh, that's great Mer," he stammered. I could tell that he was trying to be happy so I wanted to change the subject.

"What about you? What do you want to do with… your life I guess is what I'm asking?" I asked, trying to focus things on him.

Dean shrugged, playing it off like it was no big deal, "I'm just ready to kill some evil sons of bitches."

I giggled and rolled my eyes, "No really. I mean, after you're done with all of that. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. If Dad ever stops I'll probably go work at a garage like him. Be a mechanic or something," Dean replied, simply.

"Dean, that's great," I smiled.

"I guess. It's whatever," he replied. I sighed. "Hey, tell me about Syracuse and your whole teacher plan."

"Are you sure?" I asked, hesitantly, looking at him. I didn't want to push any buttons or anything. All I wanted was for Dean to be happy, especially in the limited time that we had.

"Of course, baby," Dean replied. I smiled and then began to tell him what I had been thinking about doing with my life.

~3rd Person POV~

Dean had only said that but was barely listening to what Meredith was saying. She was so happy and so excited about her life. She had a future – a bright one that is – and Dean knew that coming here was a mistake. Caleb Summers had asked him to stay away until she was done with school, but Dean couldn't help himself. A couple of months after the break up, Dean knew he needed a distraction. He had had a couple of women out on the road but none of them were as fulfilling as this weekend. Not to say that they weren't good. Some of the women were even far more experienced that Dean was, but none of them meant anything. Meredith did.

And last night was a reminder of that. Someone had once told Dean that sex was always better with someone that meant something to you. He had never believed it. Sex was just sex out on the road. But he knew what they meant now. There was something different about it. It was just pure physical pleasure anymore but some connection. He hated himself for even thinking about it because he sounded like some guy from a chick flick.

Dean knew why Caleb had asked him to stay away until school was over. As he listened to Meredith talk, he knew that he had to go soon. She was going off to college, going to have a normal life, going to become a teacher and while Dean wasn't quite sure he even wanted a normal life, he knew that Meredith did. If he stayed any longer, she'd be tempted to follow him – he knew that.

Meredith deserved better. As much as Dean loved her and wanted to take her for himself, he knew that he had to let her have the normal life her father wanted her to have. As much as he hated to admit that Caleb was right, he was so right. Dean made a conscious decision that he wouldn't try to contact her until she was done with college. Maybe not even then. Dean recalled that old saying, 'if you love someone let them go and if they love you, they'll come back'. Maybe someday they'd have their shot again because Dean knew sure as hell that he wanted more than seven months with her.

"Damn it," Dean swore aloud, his eyes widening once he realized that he had actually said that aloud and not in his head.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing, I uh, I was uh… nevermind," Dean replied.

"Okay," Meredith said, weirdly.

"Mer, you know I always love you right?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," she replied, concern in her voice. "I love you too."

"Good, because I do. I'll always love you no matter what. Just remember that. No matter how crazy and hard things get… I love you, okay?" Dean said.

"Dean, you're starting to freak me out," Meredith started.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just uh, I've been thinking too much," Dean muttered.

He held her as she fell asleep. He swallowed, that feeling of dread settling in. He knew what he had to do. There was no other way.

As soon as he thought she was asleep, he said aloud something he had been wanting to say all weekend: "I love you."

~End 3rd Person's POV~

"I love you," I heard him say. Both of us had been dancing around it all weekend but I had never said anything because we knew this was temporary. But had I dreamt it? I couldn't exactly trust my ears at the moment.

I woke up the next morning and moved my hand to the opposite side of the bed, alarmed to feel just bed. My eyes snapped open and Dean was not there. In the corner, I saw that Dean's duffel bag was gone.

I was beginning to panic. My heart started racing and I could feel the blood rushing through my body. I got out of bed and on his side, a piece of folded up paper had fallen on the floor. My hands shaking, I unfolded the piece of paper.

Meredith,

You deserve your shot at normal. I'm sorry. I can't fuck it up for you.

Love,

Dean

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I read the note over and over again. He was gone? He left… it wasn't even that I was sad. That was a lie. I was sad. I was devastated. It felt as if my heart had been torn out and run over by an eighteen wheeler over and over again, but I was almost angry. He had showed up this weekend and had romantically whisked me off of my feet and he just up and left like this? Part of me felt like he had just used me but the better part of me knew that that wasn't true.

I wanted to hate him for giving me this weekend and then taking it all away so quickly. But we both knew that this would happen... but without a goodbye? And he didn't want to fuck it up for me? Wasn't it my choice?! What if I didn't want normal! Again, another lie. Damn it.

He didn't even say goodbye...

I picked up the phone on the night table and dialed a number. The phone rang three time before someone picked up.

"Hello?" the voice asked.

"Hey, Molly? It's me," I said, my voice breaking.

"I'll be there in ten," Molly said, determined. I hung up the phone and just sat there. It was like I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. Wouldn't let myself move. In an instant, there was urgent knocking on my door and I ghost-walked over to the door, opening it.

"Oh my God, Mer," she gasped, seeing the look in my eyes. She closed the door behind her before pulling me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I should've never agreed to help him out. That fucking bastard! Leaving you like this! I could kill him!!"

"He left this," was all I could manage to get out. I walked over to the bed where I had laid the note down, handing it to her.

"You deserve your shot at normal. I'm sorry. I can't fuck it up for you? What the fuck?! I could kill him right now!" Molly growled.

I shook my head, "Don't. He's right..."

"Meredith-," she started.

My face crumbled and I began to sob, "He didn't even say goodbye!"

"I know, sweetie. I know," Molly sighed, holding me again and letting me cry.

This was yet another chapter in Dean and I's story that was coming to an end. Did that mean that Dean and I's story was finally coming to an end? Would I even be able to let him back into my life, let alone this close to me again? Would our paths even cross? Only time would tell…

"She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart. While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar. And we don't know how we got into this mad situation. Only doing things out of frustration. Trying to make it work but man these times are hard. She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time. I've got a new job now in the unemployment line. And we don't know how we got into this mess it's a gods test. Someone help us cause we're doing our best. Trying to make it work but man these times are hard..."