Wasted.

Why am I such a fuck up?

I was obsessed with Tony.. he just sang me a song and I walked away? Why. I hadn't stopped crying since I left his house. My body ached, and my chest hurt from the sobs. I found a park and decided to sit for a while.

I wasn't good enough for Tony. I was a whore that got passed around to forty year old men, who got raped more than once by Ronnie Radke. I was the one who got him punched by Ronnie because he was sticking up for me.. He was perfect, and I was me.

I heard a yell around the park, and cringed. I heard my name again..

"JORDAN. WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT." It wasn't my mother - she didn't care enough to come find me.. no that was a guy. I heard some Mexican words and knew exactly who it was. I was not about to get reemed out by Vic.... NO THANKS. I stayed still - waiting for him to leave.

When he gave up on his search, I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I left the park and roamed around aimlessly. I walked down main street and past the school.

I thought about Tony.
About how when he smiled I thought I may melt into a pool.
Or how about his tattoo's made his body all come together,
about how his hair always did the perfect flip - or when he would wear a hat.
I thought about the song he sung, how his hands knew exactly when to strum and where to put his fingers to strum the right cord. Maybe I thought about the way he wrote a beautiful song about me, without even knowing how fucked up I was.

I ripped at my hair, how could I be so dumb? So I did what anyone in a romantic novel would do - I ran for his house.

I ran until I was in front of his house. I could see in his window, him, Jaime and the Fuentes were sitting on his couch. He was asleep on Jaime's lap. I smiled at how cute he was. Why would I jeopardize that? That's when I made eye contact with Mike. He stood up, saying something to the two awake boys. They both nodded, not exactly paying attention. He came out of the front door and ran towards me.

He tackled me to the ground, an evil look in his eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO! I SHOWED UP HERE TO HIM WITH HIS WRISTS ALL CUT UP AND SOBBING. WHY DID YOU HURT MY BESTFRIEND!" He started to cry, and I did too. He was still angry and pounding his thin fists onto my stomach.

"I JUST WANTED HIM TO BE HAPPY, JORDAN! DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY YOU MADE HIM?" I couldn't take it anymore and screamed out loud. I just screamed.

"I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM, MIKEY! HE'S FUCKING PERFECT AND I'M A PIECE OF SHIT. HE DESERVES SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER, AND I KNOW IT, AND HE KNOWS IT. YOU KNOW IT TOO. HE MAKES ME MELT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY WITH HIS SONGS AND HIS SMILE AND I'M JUST ME, I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM, NOT FOR ANYONE." I yelled. Not in anger at Mikey, more of at myself, but I directed it towards him so he listened. That when I heard him speak.

"....Not good enough?" I looked past Mike to see Tony, staring at me. Behind him were Vic and Jaime.

"I'm not good enough Tony. I'm not." He frowned.

"You're kidding right?" He walked towards me, right in my face. "I think you're fucking perfect." and he kissed me. This wasn't like the kiss earlier. This was the one we had waited for. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and brought him closer to me.

He pulled away.

"Don't you hurt me, Jordan. Don't." He whispered. I stuck out my pinky finger.

"I promise." He smiled, joining his smallest finger with mine. I looked beyond him, and to the boy's who would always mean more to him than me.

"I'm really sorry about all of this guys. I know it was dumb of me, and I promise I will make it up to all of you. I promise. I really like Tony and will never ever try to hurt him. I know you guys will always be his main guys, no matter what, and I respect that. But I wanted to make sure that you guys would be okay if... If I asked Tony to date me?" I kicked at the rocks beneath my feet as the three exchanged looks.

"As long as my brother is happy with you, we're all happy." Jaime smiled. I nodded, and turned to Tony.

"What do you say? Will you be my boyfriend?" He smiled, nodding and kissing me hard on the lips.

Well worth the wait. The boys all smiled, and invited me in for movies. I nodded and grabbed Tony's hand, lacing our fingers. We sat on the couch, cuddled while watching Tony's favorite movie - Star Wars. I watched him stare at the screen so intently, interested in everything that was going on. My phone started to vibrate and I took it out of my pocket, not bothering to see who it was, just answering it.

"You little fucker, where the FUCK ARE YOU? I HAVE PEOPLE WAITING AND YOU AREN'T HERE!" I sighed, why was I still putting up with this shit? I moved the phone away from my ear, looking at Jaime.

"Hey, Jaime... would it be okay if I stayed here for a few days... things aren't well at home and I'd rather not go back.." He smiled and nodded "Of course! Mom isn't around much so it shouldn't matter." I nodded and said thanks.

"Mom, I'm not coming home, if they want something to fuck they can have you. I'm not dealing with your shit anymore." I ended the phone call, and looked down at Tony. My smile faded as I realized what I had just said in front of all the guys.... I looked up and they were all staring at me.

"Care to explain?" Vic said.