Kill Me With Words

"Mom, look at these!" Heidi held up a pair of acid wash, destroyed skinny jeans for her mom to see.

Shopping with her mom wasn't always the most enjoyable but she needed new clothes and her mother had the best judgement when it came to sizes, no matter how harsh she was about it.

"Those are cute!" Her mother exclaimed. "But are you sure you'll look good in them? They're skinny at the ankle which will only make your legs look bigger than they already are; and the torn up style won't look good with your thighs. You're better off with these." She held up a pair of plain, dark wash boot cut jeans. "See how they flare out at the bottom? It'll help make your legs not look as big."

"I hate boot cut..." Heidi mumbled under her breath as she crossed her arms over her chest and sulked. "Will you at least let me try them on?"

Her mother sighed. "Alright." She agreed. "I suppose. But it doesn't mean I'm going to let you get them."

Heidi rolled her eyes and searched through the stack of jeans to find what size she thought she might be. She pulled a size 10 and a size 12 from the stack, hoping one of the two would fit her. She carried them over to her mother who was rifling through a t-stand of more plain boot cut jeans.

"All set?" Her mother looked up at her and then glanced down at the jeans draped over her daughter's arm. "Oh, honey, you'll never get that size 12 over your hips." Her mother furrowed her eyebrows with concern. "Do they have a size 14 or 16 over there?"

Heidi grimaced. "I'll go check." She managed to choke out. She sifted through the stack again and found a size 14 hiding behind the front stack. She put the 10 back and hid the 12 under the 14 so her mother wouldn't see. She wanted to prove to her mother and herself that she could fit in a 12. She didn't need a 14.

"Do you want to pick out a couple tops to go with your jeans?" Her mother offered. "We want you to look great for your first day of high school!" She gushed.

Heidi was beginning to think her mom was more excited about her starting high school than she was. "Sure..." She trailed off as she walked up to a round rack of tops. She sorted through them, trying to find something she liked. She found a cute black button up with lace shoulders. It was a medium and she knew her mother would insist on her getting a size large, but she grabbed the medium anyway and found a different top in the larges to cover it up so her mother wouldn't say anything.

"Oh, that's cute." Her mother said as she approached Heidi. "And it's your size! Are you ready to try this stuff on?"

Heidi simply nodded and followed her mother to the fitting rooms. Her mother handed off the jeans she picked out and let Heidi make her way into one of the rooms. "Show me everything you try on!" She called to her daughter. "I want to make sure everything fits alright."

Heidi nodded to her before closing the door behind her. She started with the skinny jeans she picked out. Her mother was wrong about getting the 12 over her hips, but they were extremely tight on her. She knew if she showed her mother, she would get some sort of comment about how fat she looked in them. She quickly slid them off and tried the 14 on and put on the large shirt she picked out. She did a quick show to her mother who approved and went back in to try on the rest of the clothes she had left. Before sliding off the skinny jeans and changing into her mother's choice of jeans, she let her hands glide down over her hips. She pushed in, trying to slim them down even though she knew it wouldn't stay. She lifted up the shirt and let her hand follow the bulge of her stomach that rolled over the top of the jeans. She lifted her chest and sucked in, trying to get the bulge of fat to disappear. When she released her breath, the fat dropped back down to it's spot spilling over the waistband of her jeans. She dropped her shirt and turned away from the mirror. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror anymore. All she could see was fat.

Heidi wiped away a stray tear as she remembered the day her mother and her went shopping for school clothes. She was only 14 years old and was starting high school in a couple days. Her mother had always told her she needed bigger sizes when they went shopping, and despite her desire for her mother to be wrong, she was always right.

Marcus, Beth, Spencer and Emily all knew Heidi used to be overweight but only Beth knew how Heidi's mother used to treat her when it came to her body. Heidi feared that if Beth found out about her plan with Andy, she would tell him about her past with weight. Heidi didn't want anyone to know about it. She was beautiful and skinny now. That's how she wanted people to know her.