Kill Me With Words

Heidi sat rigid with her hands on her thighs and her palms sweating through her skinny jeans. She didn't want her and Spencer to go through a whole other weird period between them because she kissed him again.

"Em and I are gonna go see what that storm watch meeting is about over in the catering tent. We'll keep you guys posted if they mention anything important." Marcus noted and walked off the bus hand in hand with Emily.

Heidi watched the two saunter off together into the rain. Marcus pulled Emily in close to him and held his hoodie over her head so she wouldn't get wet. She giggled as they splashed through puddles and Marcus cracked jokes. That was all Heidi wanted; someone she could be her complete and total self with. She just didn't know how. She grew up thinking that she had to be a certain way. The way she was wasn't good enough. She was weird.

She looked up at Spencer who was putting his empty cereal bowl in the sink. "Should we talk?" She asked.

"About what?" He said without looking up at her.

"About..." She hesitated for a moment. Maybe she shouldn't mention it. But then again, she let so many moments in her life just go away without even a second thought. "You know... Our kiss the other night?"

Spencer stopped washing his dishes and turned off the sink. He turned to look at her but remained where he stood. "It was just an accident," He said. "It's fine. I'm over it."

"But I don't want to just forget about it like it never happened." Heidi stood up. "It happened.

"Yeah," Spencer moved past her towards the bunks. "It happened. Now, let's move on."

"No!" She shouted and stamped her foot like a toddler.

"Fucking Christ." Spencer groaned under his breath as he tilted his head back and rubbed his face with both hands in utter defeat. "Fine. Sit." He motioned to the couch.

Heidi sat and Spencer sat next to her. "What is this about?" He asked.

"The kiss, I-" Heidi started but Spencer cut her off.

"No, what is this really about?" He insinuated.

Heidi looked at her lap. Visions of high school flash flooded through her mind like a hurricane storm. "You know what it's about."

Spencer leaned back into the cushions of the couch. "That was, what, four years ago? Just fucking let it go. We're adults now. Things have changed."

"But have they?" Heidi was quick to respond.

Spencer's eyes rolled into the back of his head. "Alright... Some...things have changed." He said slowly.

"But our high school crushes never did." Heidi admitted.

Spencer shook his head. "No, nope. We can't. I can't. We can't." He kept repeating. "I love Beth."

"She doesn't love you." Heidi retorted. Her words stung like venom. "But I do."

"You wanna know why this won't work? Because you're fucking crazy, okay? What do you not get about that?" Spencer ranted. "You have to learn that your problems are not the only ones in this world. Did you know Emily didn't even have a home when we hired her? She was living on the streets and crashing on friends' couches and eating off the dollar menu at McDonald's for every meal. She played guitar for money and barely made enough to buy two meals a day. But no, you were too absorbed in your own problems to even realize that your 'just shy of perfect world' isn't the only thing that matters."

"Fuck you." Heidi spat at him with tears welling up in her eyes.

"You can fucking curse at me all you want, but it's not going to change the fact that you're the most self absorbed person on this planet. I've tried to be nice to you and help you solve your problems when you needed me, but I don't know if I can be that person for you anymore." Spencer declared.

Heidi's ears were ringing with the sound of Spencer's yelling. She sniffled and rubbed her nose as she sat on the edge of the couch cushion staring down at her velvet, peep toe, ankle boots.

Spencer sat and shook his head as he tried to comprehend the past week he's had with Heidi. "Look," He continued. "We're only home for today and then we move on to the next city. Let's just enjoy the time we have here at home today and come back to this tomorrow."

Heidi shook her head and shrugged slightly. "Fine."

In an attempt to comfort her, Spencer wrapped an arm around her shoulder and let her sink into him. Spencer could only think that Heidi, despite the wrath she bestowed upon this tour, was also still a human being who had feelings and needs. What Spencer doesn't know is Heidi is one hell of an actress.