Once Upon a Time...Fairy Tales Happened in Real Life. Not Now.

I kissed him constantly, he wasn’t responding back. His lips weren’t moving against mine. I sobbed and whined for him to move or magically come back alive. I stared at his face, motionless. His eyes beautiful hazel eyes were wide open, staring into nothingness. His body was limp and underproductive. His fingers wouldn’t intertwine with mine, he wouldn’t do anything.
That was when reality really hit me, he was truly gone forever. The tears started rolling down my face once again, until I couldn’t cry no more. I cradled his body and asked God to help him. Of course God was never there, he never did anything. Fucking asshole.

I just brushed his hair out of his face, feeling every part of his body once again and for the last time. Except he didn’t feel warm and loving. He felt cold and desolate. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes anymore, when he was dreamy. He didn’t say sweet nothings to me anymore, every word he spoke to me made my day much better. Now…well…now is now. Nothing will ever happen. I’m afraid I’ll never find a guy like him. He’s gone forever, happy probably. Happy to be pain free and full of love.

Never again and never again, they gave him two shots for him to be dead. A single tear fell as the an ambulance was overbearing my silence with him. I shut his eyes and kissed his cold lips once again.

-3 years later-

I woke up with the sound of blaring music on the top floor. I groan in disgust and frustration. Fucking neighbors have no consideration what so fucking ever. I hate this apartment, I hate my life, I hate my cold blanket, and I hate my dreams.

Last night I dreamt about him. He will never leave my head, why? I don’t know. He’s gone, why cant I understand that? His body replays in my head everyday. Why cant I let go? Its very aggravating not being able to have him back like ever.

I swing my legs over the bed and stand up stretching, getting ready for work. Yeah, work, big whoop. I work in a music store, its nice, but boring. I get dressed pulling on any strand of clothing I find on the floor. I brush my teeth and my black short hair. No more Mohawk shit. I sigh and head to my kitchen which is like ten steps from my bathroom. Yeah I live in a small apartment, not to far from home.

I make coffee and drink it like there’s no tomorrow. I brush my teeth again and start heading towards work. I open up the shop and get everything ready, fix CDS, dust, fix the magazines, and all that working shit your supposed to do. I sit here for like 8 hours and get only about ten customers a day or so, sometimes no customers. My boss comes in and checks on me every once in a while to see how I’m holding up and of course I tell him ’I’m fine Bill’ then he nods and walks out doing his asshole work. Yeah I hate him. He’s a fake and he hates me. We have a very hateful relationship, but whatever, at least I have a roof, food, and a toilet.

It’s about time to close up and so I do everything over once again before locking up.

As I head back home, Gerard creeps his way back into my mind. Its like he’s here with me, but he’s not. Thinking about him was making tears come out. I felt my chest tighten and my eyes blur. How can such a guy have such an affect on my emotions? Oh I know, I love him.

After all these years, I still love him. I tried dating people, never worked. Guys were just looking for a piece of ass to stick their worthless dicks into. I’m not that kind of guy sorry.

I can already hear Gerard’s voice, ’you want my ass’ I chuckle because I already know his stupid jokes. Thinking about him makes me sad, but smile. I’m so confusing.

I stop and feel an icy presence around me. Its actually pretty hot out, but I’m cold. Whatever, I just keep walking ignoring it, it finally went away. Something told me to look up.

I look up to the sky, it was dark and a very starry night. Gerard could be any one of those stars, looking out for me now, he will be my star always and forever because of this tragic ends. I still believe…believe in what? Believe we’ll be together again.

That’s just stupid, because we won’t, but something keeps telling me we will, never give up on us. Never stop believing in us. Never forget us. Why do I think these things? Hope.

I realize Gerard never left the light behind his eyes.