We Only Breathe For So Long

I entered the home surrounded by darkness as Jane’s faint snore contrasted against the silence. I switched on the kitchen’s light, enabling me to see her body lying awkwardly all over the couch, she was wearing nothing but a tank top, and the house was freezing cold as if all the windows were wildly opened.

She was probably just as knackered as I was, and I didn’t want to disrupt the sleep that almost never came to her because of her consistent worries over her little brother. I took a blanket from the hall’s wardrobe, knowing exactly where it’d be as if this was my home too. And in a way, it was. I’ve been spending more time here rather than my actual home. I opened the blanket from corner to corner, spreading it all over her petite figure, tucking her in and readjusting the pillow beneath her dark hair.

“She’s a great sister.” A voice echoed through the living room. Eric was walking, but he couldn’t walk properly due to the pain so it looked like he was half dragging himself and half walking.

“What are you doing up?” I scowled at him as if I were his mother. “Go back to bed.”

He sat on the sofa’s arm, folding his arms close to his chest. “If I spend one more second in that bed, not only will I have lost my memory but also my sanity.”

“Touché,” I said, he had a good point. I let it go, this mother-like position was starting to wear me out. “You’re a good brother too,” I replied back at his previous statement.

He chuckled. “How can I be a good brother if I only make her sad?” The tone in his voice was disappointment mixed with hurt.

It made me take more pity on him. It made me realize how much deeper his pain actually was. This whole incident not only affected him physically, but also emotionally.

I walked towards him, cupping my hands to his face, forcing him to look at me instead of the floor. “That’s not true. Jane is happy to be with you. To still have you.”

He faintly smiled, believing my words as his pierce blue eyes looked back to me. His black hair hasn’t seen a brush in days, probably since he arrived home, and it was a mess over his head. It needed a cut, it was longer than usual but it still suited his sharp facial assets. His face didn’t look as bad anymore, his wounds were healing, faster than I had reckoned. The purple spots were fading away, leaving a very light shade of coral behind it, and the only cut that hasn’t been closed yet was the one upon his upper lip. I caught myself staring at his lips for longer than I intended to.

I dropped my hands by my side, turning away, not wanting to contemplate his face any longer because I could’ve done something dumb. “Go to sleep, you look like death.” I joked.

He laughed, trying to keep his voice low in order not to wake his sister up. His smile shone brighter than the dim lighting coming from the kitchen. He stood up, dragging himself back to his room without so much as a word.

I followed him, holding his forearm whenever he seemed to be losing his balance. He sat down on the bed, slowly turning sideways to lie down completely; I scattered the blanket to cover his body, being careful not to touch him or his painful spots.

I turned away, not wanting to procrastinate this moment even longer, and switched off the lights as his voice whispered through the dark, “goodnight.”



“Wake up,” I felt Eric’s hand touching my shoulder and shaking it gently, “Kylie.” I quickly raised my head up, confused at my surroundings until I realized I fell asleep on the couch close to Jane. I rubbed my eyes with closed fists, yarning like a lion, and fluttering my eyelashes slowly. “Let’s go out? I haven’t seen the world in a while.”

I nodded my head, getting off of the couch and shoving my feet inside my shoes while my eyes remained closed. I was half asleep as I brushed my teeth and re-tied my hair in a bun. I didn’t recall the last time that I took a shower, so after a good half an hour of scrubbing my skin and hair very well, I got out of the bathroom now filled with steam. I put on a new set of clean clothes; grey sweatpants, a Hollister hoodie and a denim jacket on top of that with my converses. With my wet hair clinging on my jacket, making it wet, I walked to the front door, ready to go.

As we both stepped outside, the cold caught me off guard. My wet hair didn’t offer any help. I put on the scarf I had in hand and shoved my hands inside my jacket’s pockets, climbing down the stairs quickly.

“I can’t remember the last time I went out-” Eric said as fog came out of his mouth, “or went outside for a matter of fact.”

While I was in the shower, I thought about places I could lead Eric to. The bookshop was my final choice. It was the place he habited the most, besides his home. And I guess you could say that’s where I met him too.

I haven’t been in the bookshop in almost two weeks. Jessica was expected to return from her trip two days from now, on Wednesday, so we were expected to show up for work. I had e-mailed my university telling them I was taking a leave for a while, for personal matters. I was thinking about doing the exact same thing with work. But I rationalized and brought my feet to the ground; I couldn’t be with Eric all the time, I had to tune in with reality even if it was only for a couple of working hours.

“Where are we going?” he asked, curious.

“Uhh,” I lost my train of thought for a moment, “the bookshop. We’re not too far away.”

Jessica had given me the spare keys, just in case something happened and we needed access into the bookshop. After five minutes walking, I opened the backdoor of the bookshop, being thankful for the warmth inside of it. Hopefully, it would trigger Eric’s memory and speed up his recovery since this was a familiar place to his old-self.

“And this is where we work.” I threw my hands up in the air as I stood in front of him with a fake, enthusiastic smile.

He chuckled and started wandering around the bookshop, picking up books now and then as if he could find his memory inside one of the pages. He sighed in frustration as he searched for memories, not remembering any.

“You’re mostly the cashier, you’re good with dealing with money and the female population. Mainly women come to the store and you always manage to captivate them with your intoxicating smile.”

Intoxicating? Really Kylie? I thought to myself. My mental excuse for my choice of words was that I was tired. I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in and out, trying to be fully awake.

After thinking and choosing my words carefully, I followed him to the History section where he was standing. “Jessica, our boss, loves you because you’re always being sarcastic towards her and that’s how you are. Sarcastic and funny.”

He stopped walking, and leaned his side against one of the shelves while he stared at the world outside through the glassy front doors. “I really appreciate what you’re doing for me.” He looked over at me with grateful eyes, “but this isn’t going to work.”

I looked at him with a baffled expression. Before I could comment on what he had said, he turned away, tracing his footsteps back to the front.

“I’ll always feel restless. Maybe we’re doing it the wrong way,” he turned around rapidly to face me. “Maybe instead of trying to remember my old life, which is clearly not working, I should start a new life.”

I understood that his frustration and confusion had gotten the best of him, but I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. Without thinking too much, I hugged him, an action I’ve wanted to do since I laid eyes on him.

“We’ll find something that’ll spark your memory.” I looked up to look at him. “You can’t give up so fast,” I begged him.

Greg, I thought. He would be able to cheer him up. Sure, he didn’t remember his faithful best friend, but Greg was great when dealing with people, he would pull it through.

“I uhh-” I smiled softly at the idea, “I need the restroom.”

Eric nodded his head and I turned around and walked towards the toilet. With the door closing behind me, I took my phone out of my pocket and texted Greg.

Meet me by the Starbucks near the bookshop now. It's urgent.

As soon as I typed and sent him the message, he replied.

You got it Kay!

Mission accomplished. Thank goodness Greg lived nearby so he would be there within the next couple of minutes. I left the toilet to find Eric sitting in his usual position – on top of the front balcony. I laughed, remembering all the countless times he had sat in the same exact position.

“What?” he asked.

“Uhh, nothing. You always used to sit there during working hours. You said the sofa was too uncomfortable.”

He smiled. I knew I lifted his spirit up a little bit, reminding him that some habits of his old-self had remained behind.

“C’mon, there’s someone I want you to meet,” I said through a smile, excited with the thought of seeing Greg.