We Only Breathe For So Long

I was sitting inside my old, almost falling to pieces pick-up truck, which I adored so much, parked in front of Eric’s house.

I had previously texted Kylie, telling her I would be the one picking her up since she wouldn’t go home herself, but she never replied. Whether she liked it or not, she would be going back home or even to the bus under my care.

I wanted her by my side, all the time because I couldn’t rest knowing she was far away from my reach or my arms. And unfortunately, that’s how she was most of the times. Unreachable. The reason for that was because she didn’t want to be reached, not because I haven’t tried hard enough.

I wanted to see her everyday like I used to, but lately she has been with Eric more than I’d like to think about. Just the thought of him having her all by himself made my stomach turn upside down, whether he had or hadn’t his memory on his side.

Most of the times, I tried to reason with myself and scare the jealous boyfriend type that was submerging inside of me by telling myself I was being selfish. Truth is, I wasn’t being selfish. Kylie was my girlfriend, but Eric spent more time with her than I did myself. Not for lack of desire, but because Kylie had other ideas in mind rather than spending time with me.

I love Kylie. I will wait for her to get through this situation that wears her out so much, even if I have to wait for Eric to gain his memory back. Whichever century that’d be in. But what I feared the most was that when the time came and he remembered it all, Kylie would realize how she deserves someone better than myself. Who would I be kidding if I said that Kylie deserved me? She didn’t. Not because I was too good for her, but because it was the exact opposite. She would realize how I’m dead weight to her and she would eventually move on with Eric.

I shook those thoughts out of my head, not wanting to torment myself any longer.

A Mini Cooper parked next to the wooden house, the headlights shone bright against the darkness. I sat up from my slouched position, squinting my eyes to try and perceive who was behind the wheel. The headlights were switched off soon after the engine came to a stop and silent filled the neighborhood once again.

Eric climbed out from the passenger’s seat as he laughed at the beautifully dark haired girl that walked just behind him, speaking words that couldn’t be heard from the distance.

She looked happy.

I had refrained from coming to this very own road because I couldn’t handle seeing Kylie looking so hurt. And here she was, smiling wider than she ever has, with Eric on top of that.

I got out of the truck, leaning my back against the freshly shut door. They both heard the sound of the door colliding against the structure that fitted it perfectly, looking at the direction where the sound had come from.

Kylie looked up, ceasing her laughter the minute she had seen me. She mumbled a few words to solemn looking Eric, who looked to be waiting for her return like a pathetic guard dog.

At this point, I was pissed.

I wished I could be mad at Kylie, but I just couldn’t. She would be the last person I’d be able to get mad at. This time, I decided to blame her guard dog even though, deep inside, I knew I should be blaming myself.

“Hi,” she said through the chilly breeze, her hair flying behind her shoulders as she crossed her arms to her chest. “What are you doing here?”

“I sent you a text,” I tried not to sound angry, but that was easy once I looked up to meet her eyes.

She shut her eyes, remembering that she had completely forgotten about it.

“Eric started to remember things,” she used that as an excuse. “That’s progress. I’ll be home tomorrow morning.”

I couldn’t bear to stay any longer. I’d much rather drag myself through millions of cactuses than stay and listen to her as she gives me more, and more excuses.

She would rather spend the night at his place rather than in my arms.

“OK,” I said. I turned around, opened the truck’s door and collapsed on the driver’s seat, shutting the door loudly.

“John,” she called out my name through a sigh.

“He remembered you, didn’t he?” I asked, not being able to reply back to her in the same sweet tone she had spoken to me.

She didn’t reply, nor nod her head. She just lowered her gaze to the ground. Now the cement pavement was more interesting than my face.

I turned the keys around and stepped my foot on the accelerator as I said, “I’m leaving since you clearly have better company.”