Long Live the Reckless and the Brave

I sat here in the hospital bed missing Jack. I didn't mean that I didn't want to date him. I just wasn't sure it was the right time. He took it completely the wrong way. I didn't mean to be rude to Bethany either. I just wanted Jack to be here was all. I didn't care if she stayed in the room with me I liked the company. I messed everything up completely. Jack is never going to talk to me again. I just lost possibly one of the most important people to me. No, he was the most important person to me. I'm never going to see him again.

He looked so hurt when he was leaving. I really do like him. I might even love him. Jack has done so much for me in such a short amount of time. He gave me the loving and care i'v been missing. He saved me from an abusive situation. Then even gave me his house to reside in. He turned around right after that and protected me from his sister. I just don't understand why he blew up like he did. Maybe he just got fed up with me finally. I would if I where him as well. dealing with me is a handful obviously. I just laid in the hospital bed pitying myself. I might as well check out. I have no way to pay for the care I am receiving. Jack is not going to come back for me. Not after hurting him like did.

I guess I'm gonna have to find somewhere to live. I'll probably just live on the streets somewhere. Just the thought of not being able to see or be with Jack made me start to cry. I don't think I could live without the boy. The tears wound there way down my face to drip onto the blanket covering me. I just didn't have the strength to stop them. I didn't even try to wipe them away either. I just sat and cried until I couldn't anymore. I looked out the window. It was dark outside. I unhooked myself from the IV in my arm, and started to get up. It hurt so much to move. The indescribable immense pain shooting through was like no other. I sat back down on the bed. well it looks like I wont be able to leave. The door started to open and I got excited that maybe Jack was here. To my dismay it was just a nurse.

'Did you take this IV out?"

"Yeah, I was going to leave."

"You can't do that Alex. You have a cut on your back and side that we need to monitor."

I just rolled my eyes and laid down. The nurse put the IV back into my arm.

"I'm going to give you a sleeping sedative to help you."

She put something into my IV, and then walked out saying a goodbye. After a little while i started to feel drowsy and just fell asleep.

I woke up the next time I'm thinking sometime close to noon. I tried to open my eyes, but the light was blinding. Why can't they just give us a button so we can turn the lights on if we want them on? I groaned opening my eyes again. After my pupils settled adjusting to the light I looked around. No one was in the room with me. Of course there wouldn't be anyone in here. I ran everyone that cared about me off yesterday.

I tried to roll over, but the IV and the cut on my side was preventing me from doing so. I just dropped back down with a huff. This is such shit. What am I gonna do now? I have now idea how long I am gonna be stuck in this place. Just as I was about to cry and have another pity party my door opened again. I didn't get my hopes up this time. It was probably just another nurse. I didn't even look towards the door to see who was here. I heard someone walk in, but not say anything. After a few seconds I looked over to see both Jack and Bethany standing there. They looked sad and guilty maybe. No, they have no reason to be. I was the one being rude earlier. I bet they're here to tell me that I can't go back to the house. I started to breathe a little fast. My anxiety acting up. I heard Jack speak up as I was attempting to calm myself down.

"A-Alex i'm sorry about yesterday. I should have listened to what you wanted to say"

my heart was pounding. I had a shortness of breath and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I started to hyperventilate. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I had no escape. I wanted to escape, run out, to runaway from the danger that wasn't there. It felt like my throat was closing up. I put my hands to my throat because I had this chocking sensation. I felt dizzy and light-headed. I just wanted it all to stop. There where so many fearful thought running through my head. they seemed incessant, like they would never stop. I was trembling, and shaking. I felt as though both the inside and outside of my body was shaking violently. I couldn't calm myself down no matter how hard I tried. I grabbed my hair and started to cry. There was pain shooting throughout my entire body. I could hear jack yelling, but i couldn't understand him. It was like my ears where plugged up or stuffed.

"Alex!"

"Alex calm down!"

I felt arms wrap around my body. I jolted and tried to scramble away. I just felt the arms tighten around me. I looked up to see Jack hugging me. I shoved myself full force into his chest. I grabbed a hold of his chest and started to cry violently. I was shaking with tremors. He just held me tight trying to shush me. He ran his hand down through my hair in a comforting manner. I just clung to him with all I had in me. It took awhile but the attack passed.

I didn't stop crying though. I sobbed into his chest saying sorry over and over again. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want to be scared like that. I didn't want to feel like I had no one in the world. I relied on Jack so much. I needed him to stay with me.