It's Been a While Since I've Felt Butterflies

Fred Weasley…is everything.

He’s smart. He’s cunning. He’s brave. He’s sweet. He’s funny. Really funny.

And he’s mine.

…Kind of.

He’s my friend.

But can friends kiss like that? Can friends cuddle for forever? Can friends just stare into each other’s eyes and smile?

Can friends make love?

I didn’t know. Because we were friends. And we did all those things.



Fred, George and I surrounded the fire of the common room. The hearth tickled our noses with heat. It was refreshing, for we had just gotten done with a snow fight.

I snuggled into Fred’s side. He pecked the top of my head before continuing on with the conversation with his brother.

George let out a long yawn, “I’m tired guys. I’m going to turn over for the night, if that’s alright.”

“’Night, George,” I said as he stood up.

“I’ll be up there soon,” Fred told him. I faintly heard his footsteps as he climbed to the boys’ dormitory.

Then it was silent except for the cackle of the fire. Everybody was in bed by now; it was probably well around midnight

I yawned.

“D’you wanna go to bed, too?” Fred asked. I shook my head.

“No, I like laying around with you,” I replied, my eyes fluttering with exhaustion. Fred chuckled.

“Whatever you say, love.”

Then it was silent again.

“What’s your favorite color?”

I looked up at Fred, raising my eyebrows.

“What?”

“I never knew, what’s your favorite color?” he asked again.

I licked my lips. I’d never really thought about it.

“Grey,” I said finally.

“Why grey?” he asked.

“It’s not dark, nor is it light,” I said, settling back into his arms.

“Okay. And what’s your favorite song?”

“Pixie Dance by The Witch Sisters,” I answered.

Fred’s laugh rumbled across my back.

“I should have guessed. You love The Witch Sisters.”

“You should have guessed,” I agreed.

Fred kissed the side of my head.

“Fred?” I asked.

“Yes, love?”

I pressed my lips together lightly.

“Never mind,” I decided.

“You always do that.”

I sat up, surprised at his outburst. Fred’s eyes were clouded with confusion.

“I always do what?” My eyebrows knit together.

“You always get prepared to tell me something, then say ‘Never mind’ and dismiss it. And I always let you. Why won’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. I felt heat settle across my nose and cheeks. “I guess I’m just shy, that’s all.”

“Well don’t be,” Fred said.

“I can’t help it!” I countered.

Fred sighed, sitting up on the couch and crossed his arms. “All you have to do is tell me. It’s not like I’m going to laugh at you.”

“You don’t know that,” I replied.

“I do know that,” Fred nodded matter-of-factly.

“Whatever,” I sighed, standing up. “I’m going to bed now.”

“Esmelda, you seriously aren’t mad now, are you?” he asked.

I raised my eyebrows at the use of my full name.

“Esmelda?” I asked.

Fred stood up as well.

“You’re pissed at me, I could tell. Don’t go ‘you seriously aren’t mad now’ when you’re mad yourself, Fred Weasley,” I said.

Fred ran his long fingers through his fiery hair. “I’m not mad,” he denied.

I crossed my arms over my chest, “Whatever you say. I’m going up to bed.”

Fred walked round the couch and stood in front of the steps to the girls’ dormitory. “Not ‘till you tell me what you were going to say, you’re not.”

Now I was even more upset. I simply grabbed my tan coat, beanie, and mittens, marching right out of the common room.

“Esme!” I heard Fred yell as I slammed the portrait shut.

“Where are you going, young lady?” the Fat Lady asked.

I shrugged on my coat as I walked, “Out.”

I was around the corner with my grey beanie over my head and one mitten on when I heard the portrait open again.

“Which direction did she go?” Fred’s voice wafted.

“She looked awful upset,” the Fat Lady said. “I don’t think she wants to see you.”

Fred hissed in anger. I smiled.

“Just tell me whe – “

I couldn’t hear anymore, for now I was far gone on my way down back to the grounds.

I could see the peaks of a grey sky through the windows to show daylight would come in a mere couple hours. It was later that I’d originally thought.

I finally made it to the grounds and slushed my way through the snow. Snow flakes drifted slowly from the sky, tickling my nose in a comforting manner.

I walked out and towards the direction of the black lake. I could see the moon in the distance, glimmering beautifully in the sky.

When I got to the black lake I kinda just stood there and stared at it. What was I supposed to do now? Nothing, that’s what.

What a smart thing to do, Esme, I thought bitterly.

I brought my mittens up to my face and closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were sure to come.

Fred and I had never fought before. Not once.

I could hear the crunching of snow behind me so I swirled around. Fred was running towards me.

“Filch is on my heel!” he hissed when he reached me. I looked at the direction he had came from. Sure enough, Filch was hobbling across the ground, yelling profanities at us.

“Shit, Fred!” I growled. I quickly pulled my wand out and pointed it to Fred’s footsteps, muttering a simple spell that gets rid of footprints and we hauled ass to the forest. Every couple of feet I’d throw the spell over my shoulder and a quick turn of the head to make sure it worked each time. It did.

I don’t know how far we were into the forest, but we stopped behind a tree with a particularly large trunk. I quickly finished up with the remaining footsteps and slunk against the rough bark.

“What happened?” I asked Fred, breathing heavily.

“He heard me yelling at the Fat Lady asking where you are,” Fred replied, a hand on the trunk with the other pressed against his heart.

“Why the hell didn’t you just go inside the common room?” I said, then cursed under my breath.

“Because he knew somebody else was out of bed and I wasn’t just going to let him get you,” Fred said slowly, eyes glimmering.

I looked away. “You’re still not forgiven, but thank you Fred,” I said, crossing my arms tightly across my chest.

“I don’t know what I did!” Fred shrilled.

I huffed. A cloud of air unfurled from my mouth and into the air.

“Esme….”

“I was about to ask what we were,” I told him finally, turning to face him. Fred’s eyebrows knitted together. “I always almost ask you that…but I don’t want to ruin anything. Like, are we just friends? Are we friends with benefits? We sure as hell ain’t a couple.”

Fred looked taken aback.

I bit my lip, angry at myself for opening my mouth.

“I’m going to go back to the castle now, Fred,” I said. “I’m pretty tired.” I then turned to walk away, but was pulled back.

In the next instant Fred’s familiar set of lips were pressed to mine. But this kiss was different. It wasn’t hungry. Fred’s fingers weren’t pulling off my shirt or unbuttoning my pants. Instead they were holding tightly onto my shoulders.

I didn’t know what to do. Do I keep being angry?

I couldn’t help it though. I kissed Fred back. I love kissing Fred. I’ve always loved kissing Fred. Ever since 4th year when this whole thing started and we lost our virginities to each other at 14.

Fred, obviously pleased, moved his hands to my cheeks and pulled me slightly closer to him.

Then we were pulled apart, breathing heavily and staring at each other.

“You’re more then a friend, I knew it from the first sight,” he says. “I can’t let you go, can’t let you float away. ‘Cause that would be a mistake.”

I couldn’t help but grin and wrap myself in his arms again. My lips pressed hungrily to his. We kissed more passionately then we ever had before.

We finally pulled away. Fred propped his forehead to mine and smiled.

“So what does this mean?” I asked.

“It means you’re my girlfriend, hopefully,” Fred breaths.

A silly smile etched onto my face. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend, Fred,” I said.

Fred kissed me quickly again.

“Well, well, well,” a new voice said. We swirled right round to face Filtch. “We are in trouble.”