This Is What I Want

As the weeks wore on, Damon and I spent more than every moment together, becoming an official couple. During those weeks, I had noticed Elena pulling Damon away for private moments. Her actions planted doubt in my mind and drove me to find solace with Stefan.

“What are they doing? I always see them sneaking around together.”

Stefan shrugged.

“Don’t play that with me, Stefan. I know you know. What’s going on?”

He sighed and looked at me earnestly.

“I think he loves her, or used to love her, or thinks that he did love her, or maybe it’s the other way around. I’m not entirely sure but something like this happened back when we were human. We fell in love with the same girl. It tore us apart. I had no idea that it would happen again. I am not exactly sure where his feelings stand on Elena, but I don’t think they exist anymore, not since you’ve come into his life.”

I took a step back from Stefan. My heart felt like it was being squeezed in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. There was no way that my boyfriend was in love with his brother’s girlfriend, my best friend!
My mind reeled and my vision blurred. I could feel my breathing becoming shorter but couldn’t draw in a deep breath. I shook my head, not wanting to acknowledge what Stefan had just told me.

“No,” I said softly. “No,” came out again, louder this time. “I need proof. Why would he be with me if he was still in love with Elena?”

I collapsed into a nearby chair, my knees unable to hold me any longer. Stefan came and sat by me. He placed a comforting hand on my arm.

“You don’t know this for sure. Some witch once told us that history had the potential to repeat itself, but we never thought that it would, never gave her words a second thought. I don’t know if it did or if it ever will. Please don’t leave him, Delaney. He needs you more than he realizes. Please?”

I looked him in the eye and saw that he was actually pleading with me. He was desperate for me to stay, not to give up on his brother. His eyes bore into mine as we sat there. I sighed deeply and nodded slowly.

“Alright. You’re right. We don’t know if he actually is in love with her.”

Stefan looked relieved and went to the bar.

“Here,” he handed me a glass of bourbon, and I took a huge gulp. The alcohol instantly calmed my nerves and stilled my shaking hands. At that moment, Damon and Elena entered the room. Damon came over to me automatically and sat on the arm of the chair I was sitting in. I noticed Elena’s face darken for an instant before clearing again. She crossed her arms and sat stiffly next to Stefan, carefully avoiding eye contact with me. My heart dropped.

I set the glass on the table and stood up.

“I need to get out of here.”

I saw Stefan rise to follow but I motioned him to stay. I needed to deal with this on my own.

I walked out of the room before anyone could stop me, tears threatening to spill from my full eyes. I made it to Damon’s room before they spilled silently down my cheeks. I curled into a ball on the bed, the tears still flowing. I did nothing to try to stem their flow. A moment later Stefan came in and sat
beside me.

“Delaney,” he crooned, a hand rubbing circles on my back. “You don’t know that anything happened.”

I sat up and looked at him, the tears still making their way down my cheeks.

“Stefan, didn’t you see how she reacted when he sat next to me? She hated that he chose me!”

“But that’s the point. He chose you, not her. He loves you, not her. He wants to be with you, not her. Don’t you see? He’ll always pick you, every time, no matter the circumstance!”

We continued to look at each other, my whirling brain trying to make sense of his words. I had to admit, he had a point.

“You’re right,” I breathed softly. “You’re right. I’m being ridiculous.”

Stefan kissed my cheek and exited the room. I heard a noise in the doorway and found Damon leaning against the frame. I knew that he knew that I had been crying. I also knew that he was going to come over. I had a feeling he knew the reason for my tears.

“Delaney, baby, what’s wrong?”

I flopped over and buried my face in a pillow. I didn’t want to have this conversation with him. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear what he had to say to me.

“Delaney, hey, what’s wrong?” He tugged on my shoulder causing me to sit up and face him. The tears had stopped by this point, but I knew he knew.

“Stefan told me that you might be in love with Elena. I saw her reaction just now when you came over to me. I know that there’s a part of her that’s in love with you. I need to know. Are you in love with her?”

He said nothing and the tears refreshed themselves. They left hot trails as the silence continued to spin out. I jumped off the bed and began pacing, my hands twirling the ends of my hair in a frenzy.

“No.”

My pacing stopped abruptly and I looked at him.

“No. I don’t love her. I thought I did. Before I even knew you, but the day I first laid eyes on you in the Grill and that spark went off, I knew that you were the one. I was told long ago that I would know when I found the one for me when I could physically feel the connection happen. That was with you, Delaney, not with Elena. I thought I loved her because she looks so much like the girl I used to love, or thought I loved. She’s trying to convince herself that she’s in love with me, but I’m not in love with her. It has been and always will be you. She does everything she can to get me alone. I know she’s with Stefan, but she doesn’t know what she wants. Delaney, I do not love her.”

He stood up.

“I love you.”

I fell into his arms with a lighter heart. I knew that he was telling the truth. I could see it in his eyes. I looked up at him and he wiped the tears from my face. His lips met mine. He pulled me to the bed, our lips still locked. He sat down when his knees met the edge of the bed and pulled me between his
knees.

I pulled away and stared into his eyes. I kissed him again and crawled on to the bed next to him. We sat in silence for a long while, his hand stroking my hair. I snuggled closer into his side, appreciating the silence and his company.