Status: Working Progress
Pass The Crayons
Dreaming of the stars.
- 14th December 1991 -
Mummy is running around the house and it is funny. It’s like when the cat tries to catch the mouse on magic box! And her feet are going clink-clink because she is wearing her special shoes and I am wearing my special dress. Daddy got this dress a gizzilion years ago and now I can wear it because we are going to see Alex! Mummy says I have to play nice today and maybe I can have some cake and I don’t know what cake is because I have not had it but I am excited by this funny food!
She can’t find the tool that makes the car move and I am laughing because I hid them in a special place so my toys can make their car move. It’s our secret and I wanted to tell them our special code but its a secret. Mummy is angry now and I want to find the tools but I am scared to move because this dress is so pretty and I don’t want to break it.
‘David, I can’t find these damned keys anywhere! Phone Peter and tell him that we will be late for Alex’s party.’
She is shouting and I cover my ears squeeze my eyes shut real tight and pretend that I am in my magic castle because then the witch can’t hurt me. I think Mummy has found them because she is not looking at me and I think she is mad. I don’t like it when Mummy is mad because then Daddy is sad and no one talks. It’s so quiet and I think the fairies have taken their tongues but then she tells me to find the present and go to the door.
We got Alex a super extra special present! It’s a rocket and he can colour it with crayons and then he can fly to the moon and touch the sky like all the giants at nursery. He like rockets and he says one day he will catch a star and put it in his pocket for his Mummy because she always sings about them when he is in bed. It’s all wrapped in grass and sky because green and blue aren’t pretty names. They are ugly like Auntie Jane and I don’t like her.
I am holding the present but it is so big and I want to push it across the floor but Daddy picks it up and winks at me. I love Daddy, he is like a big teddy bear. I am at the door for Mummy but she is touching her hair again. I don’t know why she is doing it because it looks the same but she is touching it over and over. I think she is happy now because she is smiling and now we are going to the car.
I don’t like going in the car, it makes my head feel funny and my belly all icky but Mummy usually makes me sleep before we go somewhere. I want to close my eyes but I want to play with Alex so I am going to be extra awake! Daddy is playing a song in the car and I don’t know what it is but I want to dance. This belt is so tight and I can’t move but I can wave my legs a little bit like a frog.
I think we are here now because Daddy has stopped the car and the song isn’t playing anymore. I want to hear it again and I will tell Alex and we can listen to it at nursery forever.
‘We’re only staying for an hour David. I don’t want Lizzy to be too tired later.’
‘Let the kid have some fun. She can’t play outside, she can’t have friends over, she can’t be a normal kid unless you let her!’
‘Because she isn’t a normal kid! She is ill and she will always be ill with this dirty disease because you decided to fuck some immoral tramp and infect us all. We are dirty and our child is dirty. She is never going to be healthy and normal and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her because you decided that I wasn’t good enough for you. I am trying to hold this family together but you are making this more and more difficult.’
I don’t know why they are shouting but my door opens and Mummy is smiling at me. I’m not ill, I feel fine when I have the sweets that Mummy puts with my toast. I’m not allowed to tell the giants about the sweets because they might take them away from me. And Miss Jennifer hides me with all the coats when I have them at nursery and that’s our secret. I want to tell Alex but Mummy will be mad if I do.
Mummy has lifted me out and my feet are crunching in the snow. It’s so cold and me and Alex were playing in it early but his hands were a funny colour and Miss Jennifer made him go inside. Daddy is holding the present and he bangs on the door. He looks sad and I want to give him a cuddle but then a giant is at the door. She is smiling and hugs my Mummy. Now she coming closer to me and I want to hide because she is scary but she gives me a cuddle and says that Alex is inside playing with his other friends.
I run in the house and find him with a big puzzle! It’s as big as me and I want to help but I am still wearing my coat so I throw it off and run to him. He is wearing a shirt like Daddy does for work and his hair looks funny because it is stuck to one side with something sticky. I want to laugh at him but it is his birthday so Mummy says I have to be nice. He gets up and gives me a big hug but his Mummy shouts at him to be gentle and not to hurt me.
Why are all the grown ups scared that I am going to get hurt?
‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalex, we got you a big present and it’s a surpwise and you are going to touch the sky!’
‘Mummy got me a cake too and we can share it and then we can play with my new toys because I got a lot today.’
We are trying to do the puzzle but other people from nursery are being silly and stupid because they don’t know where the pieces are. I want to be angry but then Alex’s Mummy shouts us all and we are in the kitchen with a big cake. It has big sticks in it with fire and it looks like chocolate. I just want to touch it but Mummy is holding my hand and won’t let me move very close. Everyone is singing and I don’t know the words because I haven’t been to a party before so I am listening really hard so I can sing them later.
We are all playing again and the grown ups are drinking juice in the kitchen but then Mummy pulls my arm and says that I have to go home now. I start to cry because Alex hasn’t opened his presents yet but Mummy says that I am tired and have to sleep. I don’t want her to be mad so I follow her to the car and Daddy is there in his seat with the wheel. I do feel tired now and hungry but I wasn’t allowed any cake because I spilt my juice on my pretty dress.
Mummy shuts the door and I shut my eyes and all I can think about is the big rocket and the stars.
Mummy is running around the house and it is funny. It’s like when the cat tries to catch the mouse on magic box! And her feet are going clink-clink because she is wearing her special shoes and I am wearing my special dress. Daddy got this dress a gizzilion years ago and now I can wear it because we are going to see Alex! Mummy says I have to play nice today and maybe I can have some cake and I don’t know what cake is because I have not had it but I am excited by this funny food!
She can’t find the tool that makes the car move and I am laughing because I hid them in a special place so my toys can make their car move. It’s our secret and I wanted to tell them our special code but its a secret. Mummy is angry now and I want to find the tools but I am scared to move because this dress is so pretty and I don’t want to break it.
‘David, I can’t find these damned keys anywhere! Phone Peter and tell him that we will be late for Alex’s party.’
She is shouting and I cover my ears squeeze my eyes shut real tight and pretend that I am in my magic castle because then the witch can’t hurt me. I think Mummy has found them because she is not looking at me and I think she is mad. I don’t like it when Mummy is mad because then Daddy is sad and no one talks. It’s so quiet and I think the fairies have taken their tongues but then she tells me to find the present and go to the door.
We got Alex a super extra special present! It’s a rocket and he can colour it with crayons and then he can fly to the moon and touch the sky like all the giants at nursery. He like rockets and he says one day he will catch a star and put it in his pocket for his Mummy because she always sings about them when he is in bed. It’s all wrapped in grass and sky because green and blue aren’t pretty names. They are ugly like Auntie Jane and I don’t like her.
I am holding the present but it is so big and I want to push it across the floor but Daddy picks it up and winks at me. I love Daddy, he is like a big teddy bear. I am at the door for Mummy but she is touching her hair again. I don’t know why she is doing it because it looks the same but she is touching it over and over. I think she is happy now because she is smiling and now we are going to the car.
I don’t like going in the car, it makes my head feel funny and my belly all icky but Mummy usually makes me sleep before we go somewhere. I want to close my eyes but I want to play with Alex so I am going to be extra awake! Daddy is playing a song in the car and I don’t know what it is but I want to dance. This belt is so tight and I can’t move but I can wave my legs a little bit like a frog.
I think we are here now because Daddy has stopped the car and the song isn’t playing anymore. I want to hear it again and I will tell Alex and we can listen to it at nursery forever.
‘We’re only staying for an hour David. I don’t want Lizzy to be too tired later.’
‘Let the kid have some fun. She can’t play outside, she can’t have friends over, she can’t be a normal kid unless you let her!’
‘Because she isn’t a normal kid! She is ill and she will always be ill with this dirty disease because you decided to fuck some immoral tramp and infect us all. We are dirty and our child is dirty. She is never going to be healthy and normal and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her because you decided that I wasn’t good enough for you. I am trying to hold this family together but you are making this more and more difficult.’
I don’t know why they are shouting but my door opens and Mummy is smiling at me. I’m not ill, I feel fine when I have the sweets that Mummy puts with my toast. I’m not allowed to tell the giants about the sweets because they might take them away from me. And Miss Jennifer hides me with all the coats when I have them at nursery and that’s our secret. I want to tell Alex but Mummy will be mad if I do.
Mummy has lifted me out and my feet are crunching in the snow. It’s so cold and me and Alex were playing in it early but his hands were a funny colour and Miss Jennifer made him go inside. Daddy is holding the present and he bangs on the door. He looks sad and I want to give him a cuddle but then a giant is at the door. She is smiling and hugs my Mummy. Now she coming closer to me and I want to hide because she is scary but she gives me a cuddle and says that Alex is inside playing with his other friends.
I run in the house and find him with a big puzzle! It’s as big as me and I want to help but I am still wearing my coat so I throw it off and run to him. He is wearing a shirt like Daddy does for work and his hair looks funny because it is stuck to one side with something sticky. I want to laugh at him but it is his birthday so Mummy says I have to be nice. He gets up and gives me a big hug but his Mummy shouts at him to be gentle and not to hurt me.
Why are all the grown ups scared that I am going to get hurt?
‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalex, we got you a big present and it’s a surpwise and you are going to touch the sky!’
‘Mummy got me a cake too and we can share it and then we can play with my new toys because I got a lot today.’
We are trying to do the puzzle but other people from nursery are being silly and stupid because they don’t know where the pieces are. I want to be angry but then Alex’s Mummy shouts us all and we are in the kitchen with a big cake. It has big sticks in it with fire and it looks like chocolate. I just want to touch it but Mummy is holding my hand and won’t let me move very close. Everyone is singing and I don’t know the words because I haven’t been to a party before so I am listening really hard so I can sing them later.
We are all playing again and the grown ups are drinking juice in the kitchen but then Mummy pulls my arm and says that I have to go home now. I start to cry because Alex hasn’t opened his presents yet but Mummy says that I am tired and have to sleep. I don’t want her to be mad so I follow her to the car and Daddy is there in his seat with the wheel. I do feel tired now and hungry but I wasn’t allowed any cake because I spilt my juice on my pretty dress.
Mummy shuts the door and I shut my eyes and all I can think about is the big rocket and the stars.