You Are Exactly My Brand of Heroin

Today is, by far, the worst day of my entire life. I crawled out of bed this afternoon with only the thought of Brian leaving tomorrow on my mind, but I'd, somehow, managed to present myself in an orderly fashion. I dressed for the day, avoiding Brian as much as possible. I was preparing myself for the times when I'd need him most, when I'd call his name, and he wouldn't be there. He seemed to understand, keeping his distance all afternoon, even at our wedding shower. I tried my best to mask my pain, but everyone seemed to see through my facade. I couldn't avoid him for long, though, because tonight was the night that I would be meeting his mother and his step-brother at our family dinner.

Our guests had parted ways for the time being, our parents and my grandparents the only ones remaining aside from our friends, of course. Our fathers and Gramps were down the hall playing a round of pool in the game room while the guys carried on a game of Rock Band in the living room. Our mothers and Grams were in the den having tea, which Mom seemed to be very fond of. The girls were in the kitchen helping me prepare the feast. We cooked in silence, knowing very well that if anyone spoke it would result in tears. We all had the very same thoughts on our minds, and we were facing the inevitable.

"If this is what love is like, I don't ever want to fall into it," McKenna said as she stood beside me. McKenna was such a mature young woman that I could easily forget just how young she really was.

Sighing, I added, "It's not all bad, honey. Times like these are, of course, but it's worth it in the end."

She never looked away from the vegetables she was chopping as she replied, "I just don't understand how you could love someone this much."

Leana glanced at me, signaling that she would provide a reply to this remark. "You love your brothers, because they're your brothers, they're your flesh and blood, but this kind of love is different. All that bullshit you hear about having a soul mate and finding your other half turns out to be true, and when you fall the first time, you'll never find your balance again." Brian appeared in the doorway, and all of the girls looked to me for their cue to leave, seeing as the food needed time to simmer. I nodded, and they all filed out of the kitchen, parting ways to their men. I'd barely spoken a word to Brian all day, but I could sense that he felt the need to be near me. Of course, I didn't mind, but I didn't have to tell him so, either.

He sauntered over to me, massaging my shoulders as I stood at the island. "It's hard to believe that she's already curious about love. It seems like just yesterday she was in diapers."

"How do you think Matt feels? He still refuses to believe that I've made it beyond third base," I said.

Brian laughed. "He'll adjust."

I scoffed. "Let's hope so."

"You're tense, babe. You need to relax," Brian added after a moment of silence.

Closing my eyes as I melted into his touch, I asked, "How can I? You're leaving tomorrow."

As I turned in his arms, he said, "The first time is always the most difficult."

I released a few buttons on his shirt, tracing the contours of his chest. "I'm not going to see you for weeks. When I wake up every morning, you won't be lying next to me. When I take a shower, you won't be there to shower with me. When I eat dinner, you won't be there to have dinner with me, but most importantly, when I want to have sex, you won't be there to have sex with me."

"You never look on the bright side of things, do you?"

I shrugged. "I don't see a bright side in this situation."

He smiled deviously as he slid his fingers beneath my dress, his lips meeting my neck.
"The bright side is that we can make up for all those times when I come home again."

"This sounds promising," I said with a laugh.

His eyes met mine again, a smile forming on his thin lips once more. "That's the Abby I know," he added. Just as his lips met mine, soft knocks sounded on the front door. "Our guests are here," Brian said into my lips.

"They can wait," I replied. He only smiled as he pulled away, leaving me as he went to greet whomever was at the door. I lingered in the doorway, watching as my fiance ushered two unfamiliar people into my home. He guided them into the living room where they greet Jimmy and Leana first.

His gaze met mine as he answered my question before it could even be asked, "That's Joe and Barbara Sullivan. They're Jimmy's parents. They aren't quite as involved in his life as some of the others are."

"I've never met them before, and Jimmy doesn't talk about them. I was beginning to believe they didn't exist."

Brian shrugged. "We only met them a few years ago when Jim and Lea got engaged." Moments later, the girls rejoined me in the kitchen to finish the preparations for our dinner. The night had finally surrounded us, the sun setting in the distance as the remainder of our guests arrived. Brian and Matt had resorted to being the door greeters, waiting in the hallway as they talked and drank a few beers. Zach's parents, James and Maria Baker, followed Jimmy's parents with his older sister, Zina, and his younger brother, Matt, in tow. This was the first time Taylor had ever met Zach's entire family, but she seemed very calm and serene as he beckoned for her when they arrived. Val's parents, Nick and Debbie, and her older brother, Chris, arrived later. Leana's parents and her sister, Alexis and Lauren, arrived at roughly the same time as the others.

"I see your grandmother has taught you well," Mom said, watching over my shoulder as I continued cooking.

I smiled, though I never looked at her. "She has, but I've had plenty of practice. I cooked for the guys all the time when I was younger."

"It smells wonderful, dear, and I'm sure it'll be delicious." She gently kissed the top of my head before returning to the den with Grams and Suzy.

Papa Gates walked into the room just as I finished cooking with Brian only feet behind him. "It's just like a man to leave a woman slaving over the stove," he said.

I laughed. "He's your son."

"You chose to marry him," he replied with a shrug.

Smiling at him, I said, "You raised him this way."

He glanced at his son, then at me. "I hope you can handle the challenge. He was a little hellion as a kid."

"He was a punk, too," I added as I walked over to him, kissing his lips a few times. I was surprised that he'd remained silent for so long.

As he stared at the both of us, Papa Gates replied, "She's prepared to spend the rest of her life with you, so that's all that matters.

"I've been prepared for far longer than you could imagine."

Papa Gates smiled at us as he patted his son on the back. "Go meet your mother, son. She's here." Brian only glanced at me as he guided me into the dining room where his mother and his step-brother were carrying on a conversation with Zach's parents. Oddly enough, Brian didn't resemble his mother very much at all. He only seemed to share a few characteristics in common with her, most of his belonging to his father.

As we approached her, she instantly cut off her conversation with James and Maria, her attention immediately shifting to her son. She smiled at him, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug. His hand slipped from mine as Brian's step-brother, Johnny, stared at me. His gaze was a bit too deep as his eyes roamed my body. I felt very awkward and very nervous around him, thankful for Brian's hand returning to mine. I squeezed it as tightly as possible, alerting him of my anxiety. His thumb lightly traced the back of my hand in a comforting gesture, but I could still feel his eyes burning into my flesh.

"It's been a while, Brian," Jan said as she parted from her son.

He nodded and replied, "It has, but there's someone I'd like you to meet. This is my fiancee, Abigail Sanders."

Jan offered her hand to me as she inquired, "You must be Matt's younger sister. I've heard all about you - nothing but good things, of course." I generously shook her hand in my own, smiling all the while.

"Looks like you've got quite the lady friend there, Bri," Johnny said as he introduced himself. I tried my best not to be hesitant in shaking his hand. "Have you set a date?"

I nodded. "We're getting married on January 25th, and you're both invited, of course." Brian squeezed my hand reassuringly once more.

I watched as Johnny's eyes lowered to my breasts, feeling Brian's pulse quicken in my hand. He saw it, too. "We'll be there," he said, his eyes meeting mine again. Brian only nodded as he turned on his heel as I followed beside him. I closed the distance between us, keeping my body as close to Brian's as possible.

"That bastard," Brian uttered beneath his breath.

We entered the kitchen once more, and thankfully, we were alone. "It's alright, Brian. It's not like he put his hands on me, though the way he looks at me does scare me a bit." I leaned against the island while Brian stood in front of me in the same position we'd been in earlier.

He shook his head as he paced the floor. "You don't understand, Abby. When I started dating Michelle, this very same thing happened. Since our parents got married, he's always competed with me for everything. He was always jealous of me, and he always made a move on every girl I ever dated. It angered me every time, but not like it has now, not like it did with Michelle. She was my fiancee once, too, but I actually intend on you being my wife. I can't let him do this anymore." He sighed, leaning against the counter opposite of me with his arms crossed over his chest. "I trust you, and I know you love me. I know you'd never act on the way he looks at you, but I just... I - I can't imagine any other man touching you the way I do."

"No one else ever has, and no one else ever will, Brian. You're the only man that has ever been in my life, and I intend to keep it that way," I simply said.

He sighed again, running his fingers through his hair. "I can honestly say that I understand now why you get so angry when you see Michelle. It's a good thing you don't have any ex's."

I laughed as I said, "I like this whole jealousy thing, babe. It's sexy." I closed the gap between us, placing kisses on his exposed chest.

"You know, I'd feel even better if this dress was a bit longer," he said, tugging on the hem of my silk, tunic dress.

Slapping his chest playfully, I added, "You like it."

He kissed my lips a few times as he replied, "Of course, I do, but no one else should."

We proceeded to have dinner a few minutes later. Even when Papa Roach and Good Charlotte were here, our dining room hadn't been nearly as full as it was now. I served as much food and as much alcohol as our refrigerator could hold, and by the end of the evening, everyone seemed to be satisfied. The conversation was lively around the table, everyone seeming to drift off onto their own topic. Brian and I were, of course, seated beside each other with Jan and Matt on either sides of us. Johnny, who sat to my far right, always seemed to strike up a conversation with me or interrupt the one I was having with someone else. He felt the need to constantly talk to me, and throughout the course of dinner, I never once released Brian's hand. I'd built an intense fear of Brian's step-brother, trying my best to mask it, but Brian noticed. Though he carried on his own conversations, he kept an open ear for the ones I was having, only alerted to the most personal questions that Johnny would ask.

Life began to slow to a steady pace once again as everyone settled into our home, making themselves comfortable in various rooms. The temperature outside was moderate, so Brian and I chose to spend our evening on the deck. He grabbed a few beers while I sat on the steps, closing the sliding doors behind him to give us a bit of privacy. Pinkly had joined us only moments before. She'd been hiding away in our room, her fear of crowds consuming her. When Zach arrived earlier, he'd brought his dog, Ichabod, along with him, and the two got along very well as they wrestled in the sand. Brian plopped down next to me, opening a beer for himself and for me, as well. I watched the dogs playing with another, chasing and barking at every sea creature they found and running through the tide as it gently lapped at the shore.

"I think Pinkly needs a boyfriend, honey," I said as I took a drink of my beer.

Brian did the same as a gentle breeze surrounded us. "Why do you think that?"

I shrugged as I replied, "She's jealous. I've stolen all of her daddy's attention, so she's looking for it elsewhere. The problem is, she can't find it, so I think we should get another dog."

As I rested my boot-clad feet in his lap, Brian asked, "You're never going to let this jealousy bit go, are you?"

Shaking my head, I answered, "No, I'm not, because I never thought I'd see the day that you'd be jealous of any man in the world. I barely know him, Brian, and besides, I'm terrified of him. You're the one for me, and if you weren't, I wouldn't be marrying you."

"I know," he nodded. "It's just that this is the second time this has happened, and I don't know if I can let it happen a third. First, it was Garrett, and now, it's my own step-brother. He's supposed to be family; he's supposed to be my brother, but what kind of a brother puts the moves on his brother's fiancee?"

I laughed again as I took the last drink of my beer, reaching for another one. "I really wish you would let this go. I'm not leaving you for anyone else by any means. If I wanted any other man in this world, I could have him, but I chose you. I saved myself for you without knowing if I'd ever see you again, and look at where we are now. We are meant to be together, Brian, and nothing can tear us apart. Like Leana said, all that bullshit about having a soul mate and finding your other half is true, because you are my soul mate, you are my other half, and I couldn't live my life without you." My lips met his, our tongues dancing instantly. I'm not sure how long we were under, but when I surfaced, I said, "I'll be back."

"Where are you going?" he questioned.

As I got to my feet, I answered, "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." He only nodded, reaching for another beer as Pinkly and Ichabod trotted over to him. Before making my way to the bathroom, I checked on everyone just to be sure that they were all adequately accommodated. Afterward, I climbed the stairs, taking each one slowly to be sure that I didn't trip in my boots. I'd had a few beers, and I wouldn't be surprised if I tumbled to my death due to my lack of attention. I reached the landing and instinctively walked into mine and Brian's room, and upon entering, I found Johnny standing in the very center. "W - What are you doing in here?" I stuttered, my heart racing.

Scoping the room, he said, "I was just taking a tour. This is a nice place. Brian's done well for himself, but I think you can do far better."

"I love Brian, and I don't need anyone else," I replied, keeping myself as close to the door as possible just in case I needed to get away. I watched Johnny's muscles flex as he sauntered over to me, knowing very well that if he were to lay his hands on me that I couldn't fight back. He was a body builder, and I knew I'd never make it out of this situation alive. Just as I turned the doorknob, he reached for my hand, locking the door instead as he covered my mouth with his hand.

His lust-filled eyes met mine as he whispered, "If you scream or try to get away, this'll be much more painful than it should be, but if you cooperate, you'll enjoy this just as much as I will." With his opposite hand, he dragged me to the bed, throwing me on it as he pinned my wrists above my head. His rested his knees on my thighs, ceasing any actions I could ever make. Tears spilled from my eyes as he began to kiss my neck, pulling my dress aside. He removed his hand from my mouth, instantly gripping my thighs. I could feel the bruises forming beneath his fingertips as I forced a scream from my throat with Brian's name attached. Reacting as quickly as possible, Johnny struck me, my lower lip tearing due to the force of the blow. I heard voices outside the door as Johnny moved his hands beneath my dress, pulling my panties down my hips. I watched through blurry eyes as the doorknob rattled a bit, praying that someone would make it inside in time. Johnny didn't seem to notice as he ripped my dress from my shoulders, revealing my bare breasts. I could only lie beneath him as he began to remove his own clothing, unable to protect myself. My body had gone limp, my limbs numb from the lack of blood flow caused by the pressure of his body. I felt my heart slow, my breaths become shallower, and just as I drifted into unconsciousness, I saw the door shatter from its hinges, flying to the floor as my brother lunged at my attacker.

---

I watched the tide gently roll in, drinking another beer as Pinkly and Ichabod made themselves comfortable in my lap. My fiancee hadn't been gone long, but I already missed her. I wondered if it could possibly take this long to use the bathroom, but I ruled out the thought as I reminded myself that she was, in fact, a woman. Pinkly tossed in my lap, Ichabod twitching in response. I scratched her ears as I smiled down at her. I agreed with Abby in getting a new dog. I used to spend all my time with Pinkly, seeing as I never wanted to be anywhere near Michelle, and now that she wasn't receiving all of my attention, I thought it was only fair that she get a man of her own. She was definitely jealous of Abby, but I knew she'd adjust.

I'd finished my beer, and as I reached for the last one I'd brought out to the deck with me, I heard shouts coming from inside my house followed by the sound of several people bounding up the stairs. I instantly got to my feet, dumping Pinkly and Ichabod on the steps as I hurried inside to see what all the commotion was about. I found no one in any of the rooms on the first floor, so I took the stairs two at a time to follow the crowd. I was met by an anxious Jimmy at the landing.

"You've gotta hurry, man. It's Abby," he said. The beer in my hand shattered as it hit the floor, running past Jimmy to shove through the crowd standing at my bedroom door. No one made an attempt to stop Matt as his fist collided with every part of Johnny's body, every woman in the house hovering over Abby as she lay on our bed.

I walked over to Matt, gripping his shoulder as I pulled him away from Johnny's body. He stared up at me with tear-stained cheeks and bloodied fists as he managed to say, "He was going to kill her, Brian. I had to stop him."

"I think you've done quite enough, Matt. It's my turn." Matt crawled away from the scene, allowing plenty of room for me. I gripped Johnny's shirt, hauling his entire weight as I lifted him to his feet. He groaned as his back collided with the wall, blood spilling from his lip and nose. "Listen to me you worthless bastard. If you ever come anywhere near my fiancee or anyone I care about ever again, I swear to God, I'll do far worse to you than Matt already has," I said through grit teeth.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to find my father standing behind me. "Let him go, son. You've got more important things to worry about. I'll take care of him." I released Johnny's shirt, watching as he slid to the floor. I fought the tears as I parted the circle of women huddled around my bed. Abby's mother and grandmother hovered over her body, trying their best to make her appear as decent as possible. Blood flowed from a cut on her lower lip, her dress had been torn to shreds, and bruises were forming on her thighs. I watched her chest slowly rise and fall, a sort of relief coming over me upon realizing that she was alive in contrast to her appearance. I reached for her body, holding her in my arms as I carried her out of the room. No one said a word as I walked downstairs to the living room where I laid her on the couch. Kneeling beside her, I brushed a thick strand of hair from her closed eyes, drying blood from her lip with my sleeve. I watched her sleep as the tears leaked from my eyes, wondering what she'd gone through, if he'd managed to... I couldn't even think of him doing such a thing to her.

"Dammit," I shouted, slamming my fists on the leather sofa. "Why can't I protect you, Abby? Why?" As I continued to cry, my father entered the room. I felt ashamed as I looked up at him with my bloodshot eyes. He hadn't seen me cry since I was a kid, and I had a difficult time accepting the fact that I'd let my hard exterior melt away in the course of falling in love with Abby.

He sighed as he stared at her seemingly lifeless body. "It's alright to cry, Brian. You love her, and this is just evidence of exactly how much."

"How could I let something like this happen to her in my own home? I can't protect her, Dad, not even from danger on the inside. I'm not fit to be her husband. She deserves so much more than I could ever be."

He sat beside me on the floor as I ran my fingers through my hair, the tears drying on my face. "Son," he began as he rested his hand on my shoulder. "You're the best man I do believe I've ever met, even better than I am, and I mean it. I raised you, but you taught yourself far more than I ever could. You've made your life what it is, and you were destined to be with Abby, even in times like these. You couldn't prevent this from happening, but you can help her heal. It's your turn to care for her. She's already proved to you that she'll be with you in sickness and in health; now, it's your turn."

"I'll do what I can, but it'll never be enough. I'll never be enough for her. She's the most amazing woman I've ever laid eyes on, and if he would've killed her, I... I don't know what I'd do without her."

Dad got to his feet, his hand still resting on my shoulder. "This is love, Bri. Welcome to reality." With those words, he left me alone with my swirling thoughts.

---

I awoke the following morning with the most painful migraine I'd ever felt, a throbbing lip, and aching thighs. I felt as though I'd been slaughtered, but I was fortunate to find my heart still beating, my lungs still functioning. I managed to pull myself into a sitting position, my wrists burning from being clutched so tightly the night before. I found myself wearing a completely new ensemble, my body clean of all impurities, my hair tied in a messy ponytail. Brian emerged from the bathroom wearing only a pair of gray sweat pants, his hair fixed in its usual spikey fashion, large diamond studs adorning his ears.

He sighed as his eyes met mine, walking over to me as he enveloped my body in his arms. "You have no idea how good it feels to see you awake," he said.

I wrapped my arms as tightly as I could around his body, burying my face in his neck as tears began to fall, memories of the previous nights events flooding back to my mind. "I was so scared, Brian."

"I'm sorry," he replied. "I'm so, so sorry, Abby. I shouldn't have let you go alone."

I shook my head as best I could in my position. "You couldn't have stopped him." I toyed with the hair at the nape of Brian's neck, so relieved to finally be back in his arms. I stared out the window, watching life pass us by as I remembered what day it was. "Why aren't you gone? Why haven't you left for tour?" I asked, releasing him immediately.

He sat on the bed beside me. "I was waiting for you. Last night, the guys and I decided that we just couldn't go on this tour without the most important people in our lives. I couldn't imagine leaving you behind with the possibility of this happening again, so you're going on tour with me." I burst into tears, my lips finding their way onto Brian's. I ignored the pain as he returned the favor.

"What about Lea?" I asked as I pulled away. "How can she go on tour in her condition?"

He shrugged. "She and Jim went to see the doctor early this morning. He said that as long as she takes her prenatal vitamins and gets plenty of rest that he sees no reason why she couldn't go on tour with us." I kissed his lips again. "I've already packed your bags," he added.

"Thank you," I replied.

He glanced at the watch on his wrist and said, "Dad will be here soon to take us to the airport."

"That's plenty of time," I said as I straddled his lap.