Alex is Straight

Alex is straight.
Alex is straight.
ALEX is STRAIGT.
ALEX. GASKARTH. IS. FUCKING. STRAIGHT.
right?
He was trying so hard, SO HARD to believe it. He needed to be, what if the fans found out about it? What would they think? He didn’t want to think about the bands reactions when he told them… if he told them. Why would they want to tour with a guy staring at their dicks the whole time? No, he can’t tell them… especially not Jack. He couldn’t imagine losing his best friend like that, he just wanted to die.
All Alex wanted to do was disappear, dissolve into the air and never have to see his friends and fans again. Sadly, he was pretty sure that’s impossible, and he had to go on stage in 3 minutes. Zack shot him a look from across the room and Alex smiled. Zack was fucking smart, okay? If he didn’t pretend to be Alex Gaskarth again soon, he would know something’s up.
He knew when Rian had a crush on Cassadee when they were younger, Alex had to be careful. Rian wasn’t gay. He didn’t have to deal with that problem, he’s happy now and no one gave a shit that he liked a girl… it’s different for Alex though. He liked Jack.
DAMMIT He couldn’t think like that. He looked up, Zack was looking at him. Alex swore under his breath as Zack started walking over. He didn’t want to lie, he and the bassist had been friends for years… there was no way he could get away with lying to him.
“Hey, bro, you okay?” Alex’s heart was beating a million miles an hour as he tried to come up with a good excuse. He knew Zack had caught on; he always did. “You look a little sick. You sure you wanna play tonight?”
“Oh! Oh – um- yea! I’m sick. Yeah, um- I can play, yeah! I- um- just- um- yeah…” Alex looked down, Zack was smirking at him with disapproving eyes. He started to feel his face burn. Zack reached down and placed the back of his hand on Alex’s forehead.
“Either you have a fever or you’re blushing.” He chuckled as Alex froze. “Ya know, Jack is too so you might as well-“ he was cut off as Matt called for them to be on stage and he jumped up, pushing the heavily muscled bassist away and making his way towards the stage, covering his warm cheeks with the palms of his hands. Matt gave him the signal and they all ran out on stage, starting the first song. That’s one thing he really loved about his life, being up on stage and losing himself in the music. He didn’t pay attention to Zack or Jack and just stared at the crowd as they jumped to the beat.
“Awwwwww, guys I think Lexy is ignoring me!” Alex peeked over at Jack to see him pouting with his lip poked out and eyes wide. He didn’t know what to do. He just stared at the younger boy and blushed, suddenly overwhelmed by the booming crowd. His heart was fluttering to fast and he just froze in place. He didn’t want to face Jack yet, it was too soon, he was confused.
Zack leaned over his mic and fake-whispered “ope, I think we broke em’” to the crowd. This brought an enormous wave of giggles as the girls stared wide eyed up at their idol. Jack chuckled.
“Aw, haha It’s like he’s starstruck. Hey, snap outta it Lex, we gotta play the next song!” Alex blinked as the cords to Backseat Seranade started to boom over the crowd. He ignored the gawking fangirls and lost himself again in the music. When Jack went to put his arm around Alex, Zack pulled him back, away from the older boy. Jack obviously didn’t get it because he kept on trying to stand with his best friend, but Zack kept pulling him back. Alex could tell it wasn’t a joke to him anymore, he was getting upset. Alex cursed himself as Jack questioned him with sad eyes during a guitar solo.
Alex winced at the genuine pain in his friends eyes.
~
Great. Fucking great.
As soon as the last song was played, the last stupid jokes to the crowd said, Alex was hiding in the back room behind stage. In a closet. Alone. In the dark. He never wanted to leave. Zack knew; Alex knew he knew, he always knew. Alex didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to face the questions, the glares, Jack leaving after he told him he loved him. Dammit, this was going to be awkward. He’d known he was bi for a while, he had liked guys before. The only thing was, he had always found some random girl to sleep with and forgotten it, never had to see them again.
He had to see Jack every day. Hell, he saw him naked every day. He needed to talk to Zack. He can’t tell Jack or Rian. It would be a secret, yeah. That’ll work. As long as he hasn’t said anything yet, I’ll be all right. Alex glanced at his phone. He had been in the closet for 3 hours! He had several texts and voice messages from Zack, Matt and Jack. He decided to look at Matts texts first, then Zacks. Most were just asking where he was. Zack wanted to talk to him. He moved on to Jacks messages. The first ones were just like Matts ‘where the fuck are you’s.’ As he scrolled down, Jack started apologizing.
8:36 p.m. –Jack Baraballs
lex srsly were r u? im srry 4 whatevr i did soso sorry alex xoxo
8:49 p.m. –Jack Baraballs
lex plz talk 2 me!1 im srry i promise were r u!/!? xxoo
9:00 p.m. –Jack Baraballs
alex plz im srry xx
9:05 p.m. –Jack Baraballs
plz alex xo
9:31 p.m. –Jack Baraballs
i talkd 2 zack its k alex
9:32 p.m. –Jack Baraballs
u dont ned 2 b scard me 2
~
It’s 11:56 p.m., Alex froze. What does he mean he talked to Zack? Me too? Does- does that mean he likes me too…? Alex stood. He took a deep breath and took a step forward. No. nonono. Jack doesn’t like him. Jack isn’t gay. You don’t just tell someone you’re gay through a text. He sat down in the dark. No. Jack could never like him, never. It wasn’t meant to be.
~
He moaned. Jack hovered over him, naked with his hand palming the elders bulge through his jeans. Alex gasped and Jack leaned down to catch his lower lip with his teeth. He felt his jeans finally being slid of his body…
Alex awoke with a gasp, he had never had a wet dream about Jack before. His heart was going crazy as he relived his short little piece of heaven. He looked around, still in the closet. He waited for his breathing to slow and then more for his dick to soften. Think of dead puppies, grandma masturbating, Jack giving head, wait. No. Alex sighed, he couldn’t keep his mind off the boy. He stood and pushed the door open slowly to meet a smirking Zack.
“H-How- how long have you been there?!” Alex barely managed to get out, He wondered how long he had been awake… had Zach heard him dreaming? Zack scoffed.
“heh, long enough.” He smirked, and Alex felt his face get cold, then hot, then cold again. Zack chuckled at his friends reaction. “You sure gave Matt a scare, he’s been looking all over for you.” Alex looked down, what time was it? “I told him you were in the closet but he didn’t seem to believe me.” Zack added and Alex glared up at him.
“It’s not fair, how did you find out!? I didn’t even know myself and now… I just can’t take it. How am I supposed to face Jack now, huh?! How am I supposed to talk to him like everything is all cool and heterosexual?! He’s Jack for fuck sake! He’ll grab my ass as soon as he sees me… he’ll just be teasing me… it’s not fair that you can just play with me like that…” Alex wanted to cry. He wouldn’t, but he wanted to. Zack smirked.
“I didn’t know, you just told me.” Alex gaped, holy fuck, he was good. “Heh, I thought I heard Jacks name…” He laughed and Alex felt tears burn in his eyes. He had expected them to kick him out, spit on him, not laugh at him. He felt a single tear fall; a single tear holding all the shame he had to be like he was, to rip the band apart after so many years together. He just wanted to get this all over with.
Alex strode past Zack and into the backstage. He ran to the bus still parked outside and called for their tour manager. They were in Baltimore, he could walk home. When he finally spotted Matt, he made a beeline to him and pulled him aside. Tears in his eyes, he quit. He was quitting All Time Low, all because of stupid fucking Jack Barakat.