Porcelain Doll

The horizon had taken an eerie blue color, due to the sun that recently had disappeared behind the trees at the foot of the hill where we were sitting. It wasn’t cold yet, it was still late summer more than early fall, but the wind was chilly and made me shiver once in a while.
We were leaning against an old tree that stood alone on the top of the hill, and there was no other people to be seen, which was something I appreciated. I liked being alone with Jeordie, especially in moments like this where nothing needed to be said and we just had each other close. His head was leaning against my shoulder, and if it wasn’t because I now and then looked down at his eyes to see them gaze out in the air, I could’ve thought he was sleeping.
We were all dressed up in drag, wearing dresses, make-up and ribbons in our hair, Jeordie had even found a pair of heels in his size that he had wavered around in earlier. It had been hysterically fun, and my lungs were still sore from laughing, watching him fall down and try to get up again in the uncomfortable shoes, while knowing that I didn’t look any better myself.
I though back on the day that had passed. I had been furious this morning, yelling and throwing stuff around in my living room, trying to get some of all the anger out. Jeordie had just been standing in the corner of the room, trying to avoid becoming the target of my rage, mumbling comforting things at me. It had been going on like that for hours, and not once did he get annoyed and leave, though everything in my mind and world had seemed to be falling apart.
He just patiently waited for me to calm down, before he started on all his hilarious attempts to cheer me up, which was a thing he was very talented at. By now I didn’t even remember what I’d been so unbelievably pissed off about.
Whenever I was sad or angry, he seemed to know exactly what to do to make me better. But what I didn’t get was; why he stayed with me when I was angry, how he could stand to be around me in that state of mind for that long. I was unfair to everybody when I got pissed off, I didn’t treat him the way he deserved, and still – he kept on trying to make me smile.
Today, I had yelled at him, what I regretted bitterly later, but he had hugged me, and placed me on the bed to watch him dress up in some of the hideous dresses I had on the bottom of my closet, and dance around while singing loudly. I had been choking with laughter, and so had he, when I let him dress me up in the same outfit, horrible clothes, heavy make-up and silly hair. We’d danced around to some of my old records while dressing up and my anger had drained almost instantly.
When we were all done, we’d gone outside and wandered around in the streets, only to receive strange looks from almost everyone out there, even spiteful comments from some, but we hadn’t been caring, and I doubted that we ever would. We had walked all the way to the edge of the city, Jeordie complaining all the way about his shoes killing his feet, until I offered to carry him the rest of the way. Then we settled on top of this hill, where we’d been ever since. None of us had said much, all we needed was the company of each other and the silence around us. It was really peaceful.
But something still ached my mind, I felt disgusting for having yelled at him, cursing him and demanding him to leave, and I wanted to give him some honest and sweet apology, but nothing came to my mind, and that made me feel even more disgusting, thinking of how he didn’t deserve me, when I couldn’t even give him a decent apology after being such a piece of shit.
“I’m sorry” I just said, wanting to say some more, but didn’t know what to. I wanted him to know that I didn’t want to yell at him or accuse him of things just because someone else pissed me off, but I had no idea how to say it, without sounding like an idiot.
“I know” he said, not looking away from the sky, just burying his head a little deeper in my hair, that he’d put up in pigtails earlier. “It’s okay”.
“Why do you stay?”. I was curious because I couldn’t figure it out. If anyone treated me that way just because they were angry, I would’ve left them on the spot, which was one of the reasons why I sometimes hated myself. I couldn’t take what I offered to others myself, but Jeordie must’ve seen something in me that I couldn’t see myself, because this had been happening more than once in the months we’d been fooling around.
“Because I like you” he simply replied, turning his head to look at me, and smiled. I grinned back at him, still not getting what it was he liked so much in me. Everyone else seemed to leave me, Missi was gone, maybe for good, Gidget was gone, probably for good, but Jeordie was still there, no matter how horrible I acted around him.
“But I’m always so… So pessimistic” I complained, thinking about all the negative things I’d screamed at him, all the curses and unfair comments, while Jeordie just shrugged and looked at me.
“You have your days indeed, but that’s a part of what I like in you” he answered and took my hand and kissed me briefly on the lips, that he had painted blood-red this afternoon, and they stained his own that were lighter pink, making him look like he was bleeding. Like I had been hitting him earlier, which I could as well have done. I had been on the verge of it a few times, but fortunately I’d kept control of myself. “And besides, I know how to make you happy, don’t I?” he asked with a teasing look in his eyes, that completely gave away where his thoughts were going.
“Oh yes, you do” I agreed, while the other man pushed me lightly so I sat back on the earth. He kissed me deeper and smeared out lipstick so once when we went back through the city, no one would doubt what we’d been doing. It was starting to get dark, so we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing us unless they got really close to us, and nor did we, when he crawled on top of me, sitting on my crotch with one leg on each side of me, holding both of my hands down.
He kissed my cheek, staining my skin with mixes lipsticks and continued all the way down my neck, until he just stopped at my collarbone and carefully bit it, not hard enough for it to actually hurt, but definitely hard enough to leave a mark.
I think now that Missi and I had broken up again, he turned a little more possessive and dominant, a little happier around me and definitely a little more kinky – not that I was complaining at all, I found it extremely sexy when he sat like that on top of me, making me unable to move my arms, running his hands all over my body while working his mouth in the crook of my neck. I just tilted back my head and moaned quietly, while his hands slid up underneath my dress, caressing the skin and suddenly gripping hard in surprise and leaving red welts from his nails, when I pushed my crotch against his, making him groan loudly.
He continued to scratch my back for some time while he just sat on my now painfully hard dick and moved back and forth, while his mouth just continued to give me hickeys on the neck and shoulders, as if he was leaving small marks indicating that I belonged to him.
His hands slowly found their way down to my boxers, and yanked the edge before pulling them down below my knees, exposing my boner to him, while I wasn’t capable of anything besides just laying back and feeling his warm hands on my body, panting and whining whenever he hit a sensitive spot.
He pulled his mouth from my neck and played with his tongue all the way down to my cock, where he teased me by not touching it yet, just carefully kissing my abdomen and thighs, while I was going crazy above him. I would really, really like some focus on my genitals by now, but he stayed away from exactly that spot, that tease.
“Jeordie, you’re killing me – please” I begged, but he didn’t listen. He just continued provoking me with his lips and tongue, and I couldn’t help but push against him in attempt to make him do something to me. Anything.
I wanted to touch him, or him to touch me, I wanted to fuck him, to feel him and kiss him and get even closer to him.
“Not yet, you little slut” he whispered from down there as reply to my motions, before pulling up his own dress, showing me that not only had he putted on dress and heels, but he’d gone all the way and was also wearing white, laced cotton-panties.
That was probably the hottest thing he could’ve done at the moment, and my urge to just tear off those panties and fuck him good was irresistible, but unfortunately I was still forced to the ground by his weight. I thought I was going to explode when he way too slowly and provoking tugged them downwards, making me plead him to do whatever he might wish to me, if he just would touch me.
“Oh, I’ll touch you, don’t worry, just not quite yet” he hissed as he let the panties fall to the ground, and let go of my arms before placing himself between my legs and pushing into me without any kind of warning or preparation. I was surprised, and it hurt like hell, dry and rough, and I’d not expecting it this way. I had only been bottoming a few times before, while Jeordie was more than used to it by now, we’d been fucking around for months now and I was usually the one in command. He started to move in and out, slowly at first but speeding up as I got used to the feeling of him inside me and I moaned and begged him to go faster and faster, which he complied immediately.
By now I was going insane by him still staying away from the place I wanted him the most, I even reached down and tried to stroke myself, but he grabbed my wrist before I went there and placed it above my head with that teasing smile constantly on his face. He was in the middle of some kind of game with me, where the more impatient I got the happier he seemed to be, and I guess that all I could do was wait for him to decide that it was my time to be touched, which unfortunately wasn’t yet. Maybe it was some kind of revenge on me treating him so bad this morning, and I probably deserved to feel this helpless and powerless, completely in his control, but if he didn’t touch me soon… Just the slightest, tiniest contact between his hands and my dick that hurt by now in desire to feel his hands around it.
“Jeordie, I’ll do anything, just-“ I started but he interrupted me by grabbing my chin and kissing me deep and passionately while completely crushing me by thrusting in and out with a speed and force that I’d never seen him go at before. He kept on doing that, and I hissed and panted out of pleasure that turned to pain, and back again. I almost couldn’t focus on working my tongue along with his because of the passionate, animalistic way he was fucking me. It felt like every time he thrusted into me, he hit the bottom of my spine and pushed me a little further into somewhere I’d never been before. I wasn’t going to be able to walk properly tomorrow.
Once I had thought of him as my fragile doll that I had to be careful not to shatter, and now he was the one to first protect me from myself and then break me this way like I was made of porcelain, and it felt fucking beautiful. I loved him. Simple and pure, he could do things to me, emotionally and physically that I’d never felt before. Fucking beautiful.
And as the realization went through my mind, he finally reached down and stroked me, slow and intense, completely out of sync with his own rhythm, making me feel the orgasm curl in my stomach almost instantly.
“Oh, fuck yes, I’m coming” he groaned and rode me out, still jacking me off, and I came moments after, saying his name and then we collapsed, him on top of me, completely exhausted on the ground. First now, it struck me that anyone who lived nearby probably had heard the whole thing and some even might have seen it if they had been close enough, and then it struck me that I didn’t care. Not even a little bit, not at all.
I had everything I could ever wish for right here with me, the world could end right now and I still wouldn’t mind. I didn’t need any other people in the world, I had this man right beside me and he really knew how to make me happy, even though I wasn’t completely fair to him. He was someone that stayed through it all, surprisingly enough. And even though I didn’t understand it, I appreciated it.
He rested his head on my chest, and I slid my hand up his back and rustled his curly hair that he had sprayed with glitter earlier, that combined with the dress gave him a fairy look. We probably looked completely ridiculous in our dirty clothes smeared makeup and messy hair, like a couple of dead transvestites, which actually also had been the intention at first, trying to cheer me up from my pessimistic state of mind.
“You know what?” I said, looking up at the sky that now was completely dark, still stroking his hair.
“What?” he mumbled, sounding sleepy and cozy, and I didn’t feel like ever getting up again.
“You should be in the band, you know, now that Gidget left and all” I suggested, and he lifted his head to look at me, as if to see if I was joking, but I really wasn’t. He was my best friend, he had turned my lover, and finally I wanted him as my bandmate. In my mind it seemed like the perfect idea. “You know, you’d really fit there. Maybe you even belong there”
“Maybe I do” he said and laid his head back down on my chest.
“You and I, we could do whatever we wanted, we could go out there and conquer the world” I said and laid an arm around his shoulders. “We could live our dreams, we don’t need anybody” I continued dreamingly.
“Maybe we could” he agreed, and all that had seemed to be falling apart in my world, suddenly took shape, the future, the band, the record, and most of all, my life. I knew what I wanted.
I wanted everything, anything or nothing at all, as long as I could share it with Jeordie.