Skeletons in My Closet

I slowly drag my feet walking to class. I just wasn’t in the mood for school today. I woke up this morning with a major headache and decided to pop a few pills. No, I’m not a drug addict or anything or even addicted to pain killers. I just had to get rid of it. The pain gradually reduced making me feel a little better. I started to feel my pants slide down. Why the hell didn’t I wear a belt? I used one hand to pick them up and brush the hair out of my face. Stupid bangs, why did I even cut my hair like this? I have black hair with a fringe covering my face while the back of my head is short and spiked. I look like a mess. I just threw on random clothes I found on the floor. Obviously I’m wearing baggy pants and I just put on a random striped short-sleeved t-shirt. My chucks are torn from my constant dragging of my feet devastating my pants along with them, adding the fact I had them for years. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking, until my face connected with a metal door. I fell back and landed on my bottom.
“Dude watch where your going!” someone yelled at me angrily. I look up and see whose locker I ran into. Johnny Seward’s.

I clenched my jaw and glared up at him. I hate the guts from this guy. He just stood there looking down on me. I broke my gaze from him and picked myself up. I stood up to him, we were almost the same height, except I’m slightly shorter, and have a smaller build. He just shook his head and walked past me, shoving me by my shoulder. “Emo faggot,” he mutters. Look at him with his retarded Mohawk! It’s multi-colored with blotches of black and blonde streaks. Who the fuck does that? I just growled to myself and hope this new fucking year is worth living for.

I was late for first period on my first day of school, like always.
“Ah! The notorious Frank Iero,” Mrs. Pharrell announces as I walk in. All heads turn to me as I sat in any empty seat. I had this stupid teacher three years in a row. So what if I’m a senior now and still taking Biology. When she said ‘notorious,’ that means I have a bad reputation with this fucking school. I snort when she called out everyone’s names on the roll sheet and skipped mine on purpose.
“Frank Iero, late,” she states. I smile at her with pride. She rolls her eyes and continues preparing the class. I look around and see mostly freshmen in here. I groan and put my head down while she goes over procedures.
“Is there a problem Iero?” she stops to ask. I put my head up and stare blankly at her.
“I hate this class,” I finally say. She looks at me like if its anything new. “Well, maybe if you didn’t flunk three times, you wouldn’t be in this class with me still,” she logically states. I roll my eyes and put my head down once again. Her voice was slowly fading while I started to drift off to sleep. Then in a few minutes I jerk up to someone smacking my desk with a ruler. I hear a few giggles and I lazily stare at Mrs. Pharrell. “Frank would you please stand in front of the class and introduce yourself,” she orders me, well that’s how it sounded, more of an order than a request. I cocked my eyebrow, “Why?” I ask. “Because I said so,” she replies. “And if I don’t ?” I say smirking at her. “ You already know the consequences,” she says menacingly. I just chuckle and get out of my seat and stood in front of the class.
“Sup? I’m Frank Iero, I’m a senior, I play guitar, I think rabbits are fucking awesome and I’m Mrs. Pharrell’s favorite student,” with that I wink at her and see a few people giggle.
“What did I tell you about foul language and you are my ANNOYING student,” she emphasizes the ‘annoying.’ I chuckle, “You love me,” I bat my eyes at her. “Get in your seat,” she hisses. I laugh and gladly sat down. “NOW!” she exclaims. The others flinch as I’m already used to her outbursts. Pussies.

I sat there all period listening to stupid kids I really didn’t care about. Finally the class ended, I walk out. Fuck this I’m ditching school. I slowly walked to the front of the school and took my sweet ass time. That is when I spot Johnny. I make a face of disgust, I plug in my earphones and filled my ears with “Adolescents.” I casually walk by him without a care. I noticed two girls trying to sex him up. Ugh! Why him of all people? Worst than that, girls are stupid and disgusting. Yeah I said it. Girls are disgusting! I’m gay. So fucking what. Don’t like it, suck my dick! I chuckle to myself. The whole damn school knows it anyways.
“Iero!” someone shouted, “Faggot!” they shouted again. I just pretended not to listen or acknowledge them. I just kept walking, that is until someone grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. I see one of Johnny’s friends and notice that Johnny is the one who grabbed me. I smirk at him, “Fancy seeing you,” I say. He just glares at me. “May I ask why you bothered me at this moment?” I ask. He just laughs as well as his friends. Matt, Zack, Brian, and Jimmy. “I’m pretty riled up right now and I need to take it out on someone,” he replies. I roll my eyes, “Really? There are plenty fish in the sea,” I reply. “Well you caught my eye,” he answers. I give a dirty smirk, “How so?” I fire back. “Well, you’re a faggot and I hate faggots,” he says like he’s tough. Please. “Coming from someone who is one,” I throw back at him. I see fear flash in his eyes before they turned to anger on me. I just stood there smirking at him. He looks down at my pants and notices I’m holding on to them so they won’t fall. “Go ahead, give me head,” I say letting go of my pants. I smile at him and watch him turn red and disgust. I notice his friends are laughing at him. Well aren’t they wonderful. “You fucking faggot!” he screams at me. I start laughing and about to turn away when he said something to someone that made me stop. Or the fact who he said it to.

“Mr. Grey! Frank was trying to make me suck him off!” he tattles. What? I didn’t make him do anything! If it was anyone, it would be him, he’s the one starting with me. Of all the people who had to be out here, it was Mr. Grey, the biggest homophobe I ever met. He knew I was gay and that’s why he treated me unfairly my sophomore year. “Mr. Frank Iero! Get over here!” he yells at me. I hear Johnny and his friends chuckling at me. My eye twitched and I growled under my breath. I turn around and see a set of angry eyes on me. Then I see the others smirking. I will kill them when I have the chance. I then grazed my eyes back to Mr. Grey. I then smirked, “Piss off and get laid,” I say calmly at him. His face became disheveled, I turned and walked away. “Mr. Iero! I will report you and call your mother!” he threatens. “Go ahead see if I care!” I reply. If you seen the looks on those guys.

I stepped out of the front gates. Dumbasses didn’t lock it. I joyfully walked out of the school proud of my grand show I pulled off. Little did I know someone was following me.

I walked slowly back home, dragging my feet, as usual. I had my iPod so loud I didn’t even pay attention to my surroundings. Out of no where someone grabbed me at the back of my shirt. I fell back and was startled. I look up and see good ol’ Johnny. I then quickly stood up. “What the fuck?!” I yell at him. Him and his stupid friends laugh at me. “Can’t get enough of me, huh?” I say. His face became contorted anger. They pulled me into an alley. “Go back where you came from Iero! We run this town!” Matt says to me. I tried so hard not to laugh at them, I failed. I burst into fits of laughter, they gave me confused looks.
“Okay! Okay! Seriously? Dude this place is shit! Huntington can’t ever top Jersey,” I tell them. “By now I would have been dead or you would be in the process of killing, raping, robbing, or torturing me. Not threatening! You guys are pathetic!” I cry out while laughing in their faces. I’m being serious, New Jersey is fucking dangerous. They continued looking at me while I make fun of them. They started to boil up, I can tell, but honestly I don’t care. “I just made you look like pussies,” I say. I think I went too far, suddenly Johnny pushed me against the wall. I gasped and he was tightening his grip, “I’ll show you pussy,” he hisses in my ear. I pull a smirk on my face. I see kids we know or I know from school passing by the alley, they must have ditched as well. They glanced over at us, this is my cue. “OH! Fuck Yes Johnny right there!” I moan out in pleasure, throwing my head back. Johnny gave a confused face as well as his friends. They turn their heads towards the kids who are watching us and their faces changed into shock and fear. Well what made this scene interesting, is the fact that Johnny had me against the wall in a certain position. YES! A certain position. My stomach was against the wall and my back towards him and the fact he was pressed up against me and my p ants were sagging exposing my boxers and his grip was tightened on my shirt. Detailed enough for you?

I wanted to burst out laughing so bad. “Johnny please don’t stop!” I moan out again. He let go of me and dropped me to the floor. I fell on my back and watched the guys take off. I turn my attention to the other kids who were standing there in shock. I swiftly pulled my boxers down sneakily to make it look like I was sexually intimate with Johnny. I stood up and pulled up my boxers and my pants. I looked back at them, they were still watching me. “What?! You act like you never seen a guy get fucked in the ass while giving a show,” I yell at them. They quickly walk off. Oh I am so good.
I walk out of the alley so pleased with myself. I headed straight home, I walked in the house and noticed it was quiet. “Hello!” I yelled. No answer. I shrug and was happy no one was home. At least I know my first period is the same teacher I had for fucking three years. Who knows who I have for the rest. I sat on the couch slouching and turned on the TV. I decided to watch Dragon Ball Z since nothing else was on. I remembered and realized how I made Johnny Seward….gay.

I chuckle to myself, everyone seems to like him and his friends. I’m being honest at least he’s not a jock. He’s your simple occasional bad good boy, counting his friends. I Frank Iero is a very very bad boy. Counting the background from where I came from. Belleville, New Jersey, what more can I say? Get shot or go high over there.

Johnny and his friends were known as being good looking (Pfft!), decent grades ( not me obviously), helpful (my ass!), well mannered (please!), respectful ( I have nothing), well dressed ( and they call me a faggot), athletic ( your telling me), and chick magnet flirts ( I have to give credit, they’re pretty good at that.) I sat there thinking about them and how stupid they think I am.
My mom barged into the house ruining my thinking process. Whoa! I’m thinking!
“Frankie! What the hell are you doing home!?” she looks like she’s going to piss herself. I put on my innocent puppy face, always works. “People are being stupid homophobes,” I say sounding like I’m hurt and depressed. No that’s my excuse for everything now and my mom accepts me, she knows or wait! She thinks I get hurt. LIES! I couldn’t give a two flying fuck is someone called me faggot. I’d be like bitch! You’d tap this, I do an inner laugh.
“Uh… Honey… uh,” she says, I gave her a weird look and see a man run up behind her catching her lips. I stare at them in awe wonder who this fucker is kissing my mother!
“Mom! Who the fuck is that!” I yell at her. The man turned to me in shock and I see my mother go pale. “Uh… honey… please don’t tell your father,” she says innocently. I gape at her in utter disbelief. “Don’t tell my father?! Mom your fucking cheating on him!” I yell at her.
“Don’t use that tone with me!” she shouts, can you believe this fucking woman!? “I can use whatever tone I fucking want! Your cheating on Dad! Fuck You!” I yell at her, I see her wince at my harsh words. I don’t’ give a shit. She’s cheating for crying out loud! I storm down the hall to my room and slammed the door shut. What the fuck is going on? I pull at my hair and sat on the bed in the dark room. I then hear voices, shouting. I opened my door a little, peeking my head out to eavesdrop.

“I knew this wasn’t going to work out Linda!” the man shouted at her.
“I know! I know! I’m sorry for leading you on!”
“Sorry! You fucking lied and said you were single!”
“I’m sorry!” she bursts into tears.
“Now your only child over there is scarred for life! Or are you lying and there is more kids?!”
“NO! he’s my only child!”
“WOW! Truth be told!”
“Get the fuck out of my house!”
“you’re the one who lied to me here!”
“Were over! Get out! Get out! Get out!”
I hear a door slam and I flinch. I see my mom crying on the floor. “I’m sorry Frankie,” I hear her choke out. “I’m so sorry,” she sobs. I walk out of the room and walk toward her. I watch her sob into the couch. “Mom?” I say. She snapped her head up and looked at me with teary eyes. I felt bad, but no that bad. “I’m sorry baby, I’m so fucking stupid, I wanted to know how it feels to be fresh again, I’m falling out of love with your father,” she explains to me. I know a waterfall is going to happen. Frank you better not cry! Fuck I lost. My eyes burst into tears and I just stood there bawling my eyes out. “Honey come here,” she says to me. I shook my head no and backed away from her. I see pain in her eyes like she just got shot. It’s painful seeing your kid reject your love, but I wasn’t going to take anybody’s bullshit right now, not even my own mothers.
“Frankie please!” she begs, I kept backing away from her. She kept sobbing and I bolted for the door .
“Frank!” I hear my mother yell out. I just took off not even bother closing the front door. I feel my hot cheeks from crying and running. I kept running until I couldn’t run no more. I stopped at the beach and sat down. I stared into the horizon, its beautiful. I was wrong about saying Huntington was shit, its actually pretty beautiful. They just made me look like I wasn’t tough. I kept staring out in the ocean, not even moving, just staying put. I then hear voices from afar, I didn’t look though, I could care less. I still sat there in tear dried cheeks. I couldn’t stand to look at myself, I was ugly and short. I had a sudden desire to cut. I need something sharp. I finally moved for what seemed like forever. I slowly stood up and searched my pockets for something sharp. I then hear the voices again, they’re laughing. I turn around and see the five best friends. Johnny, Matt, Jimmy, Zack, and Brian. I envy their friendship, something I had a long time ago. It would be four years from next month. I remember the good times I had with Gerard, Mikey, Ray, and Bob. I felt hot tears coming up my face again. I wanted to go back, so so bad. I couldn’t though, I had no choice, I had to stay here. I started to cry again, but silently. I sit back down in the soft sand, forgetting my need to cut. I though about New Jersey and my best friends, I thought about how much I’m a loner over, how much I’m unwanted, how much I’m an outcast. Nobody likes me, nobody wanted me, nobody cared about me. I have no friends.

I then look at my arm, all my scars, all the times I bled, all the times I loved the pain I was in, all the times Gerard would talk to me, all the times Mikey made me smile, all the times I jammed with Ray, all the times Bob physically showed affection. The tears kept rolling down my face, then I felt something deep down, so deep I don’t even know why it rose. Anger, anger is what I felt. Anger from my mother, anger from myself, anger about my life, angry for everything. I then hear the laughing voices again, I glanced over at the five friends. They were enjoying each other so much, why the fuck was I born? Why did God put me on this forsaken fucking earth? Why was I here? What is my destiny? How the fuck do I know what I’m suppose to do? Who the fuck am I? What road do I take? Do I lead or do I follow? Questions rolled through my head until I hear feet coming towards me. I look up and see them. The five friends I so envied, but now feel hatred toward. They are the reason I’m like this, they are the reason I’m so ashamed, they are the reason I’m an outcast. They bully me to fucking much and I’m not taking it anymore. Not anymore. I stood up and they all laughed at me.
“Aw is the emo faggot crying because his boyfriend don’t want him,” they tease me. I clenched my fists tight and kept getting tighter every time they said something. Johnny was the worst of them all, he kept teasing and mocking me, making fun of who I am, making fun of how I am. I finally had enough and subsequently threw my fist out at him, smack into his face. I felt the skin attach and then let go. I see Johnny grab his face and held onto it. I see his friends look at me and were about to attack me.
“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” I yelled and knelt to my knees and covered my ears, crying. They all looked at me funny and gave weird looks while helping Johnny up. “ Just because your afraid of what you are doesn’t make it right for you to treat other people different!” I yell at him. I don’t care anymore, I’m tired of it. “Stop being a god damn fucking pussy and show yourself you fucking prick! Stop making fun of me! You don’t know who I am! You don’t know what I do! You don’t know what I’m capable of doing! So I suggest to shut the fuck up before I literally fucking kill you! Now fuck off!” I yell at them and trudge away from them, I quickly turn back and they were getting in a stance to fight. I quickly grabbed Johnny , they all became very protective. “Try anything,” I threatened them, “Or his neck is mine,” I hissed. They stopped and waited for me to proceed. I shoved my hands in his pockets. “Hey! What the fuck are you doing!?” he yells at me. I ignore him and found what I wanted. A pocketknife. I grab it, “That’s mine what the fuck!” he screams at me. I push him back and switched it open. I then defiantly placed it onto my wrist and sank it into my skin. Oh god how good this felt. I don’t care if I’m doing it in front of them. I needed a release, something that I can feel, something real, that I’m still alive, yet dead inside. They watched me in horror, I just kept slashing myself, Matt came after me, I dodged him and kept going at it. “Hey stop it! Your going to kill yourself!” yes that’s just what I wanted. A pussy way out of this. He finally managed to grab the knife away from me. I started to cry. “Give it back! Its my only friend!” I sob at him. They kept staring at me like if I’m crazy. I didn’t care, I kept begging, they quickly walked away from me. They left me there for myself, alone, like always. I just laid there in the sand and stared at the sky, why can’t I be perfect? I started to sing to myself.
“I’m just a creep
I’m a widow,
What the hell am I doing here,
I don’t belong here, I don’t belong here,” I start singing ‘Creep by Radiohead’ they are perfect to listen to right now. I just kept singing and humming the song in my head, until I couldn’t no more. I laid there not wanting to go home. What am I going to do when I go to school tomorrow. What will the five friends I envy think of me now?