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Why Valentine's Day Sucks
Happy Valentine's Day
Through the eyes of Andy:
I felt the sensation of a pair of lips clashing against mine, a feeling I haven’t felt ever since the tragic incident a year prior. Who could it possibly be? My eyelids fluttered open to discover non another than Ashley kissing me, my eyes widening in utter disbelief. Our lips parted from each other ever so slowly, his brown orbs staring directly into my blue ones, curious as to know the thoughts flowing through my mind over his unexpected action. If only he knew of how I craved for his lips to caress mine for a second time... No. I couldn't allow myself to fall into the reins of love again, I refused. It would just result in the same outcome as before; heartbreak, pain, and betrayal.
“Andy…?” I looked away from Ashley, feeling his fingers intertwine themselves with my own, the warmth of his breath against my skin causing the little hairs at the back of my neck to stand.
"Don't touch me." I ordered, pulling my hand out of his grasp, never daring to gaze into his auburn eyes for fear of seeing the hurt that would shine within them. He backed away with an expression of pure despair at my rejection. My eyes dropped to the wooden floorboards below in guilt, noticing that the bottle of pills was no longer there. Instantly, I dropped onto floor frantically searching for the drugs. Where could they have gone?! A scowl formed itself upon my face as the realization of who had taken them came in. Ashley.
“What the hell did you do with my pills Ashley?” I raised myself up from the ground, never taking my eyes off of Ashley, who now pretended to be oblivious to my presence. He sat on my bed chewing on a piece of gum, his arms crossed before his chest as he stared at the ivory wall in front of him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He answered, his voice monotone and uninterested.
“Cut the bullshit Ashley, I know you have them!” Anger was now boiling inside of me, my fists clenched tightly at my sides.
“I already told you Andy, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My patience lost, I attacked Ashley like a wild animal, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket pulling him forward then slamming his back against the headboard of my bed repeatedly.
“I’ve fucking had it with you! Give me my goddamn pills before I tear you apart!” His fist connected with my jaw causing me to fly backward, my back colliding against the solid floorboards. A throbbing consumed my head forcing me to place a hand against my forehead as I became drowsy. The iron taste of blood conquered my tongue. I listened to the sound of his footsteps approach me; he crouched down glaring at me in complete disgust.
"I thought I could have helped lift you off the ground, but I guess I can't. I shouldn’t have even bothered to try. I should have listened to everyone else; you're a lost case. You're too busy feeling sorry for yourself, a sympathy that you don't deserve. I hope you drown in your damn sorrow Andy Biersack. I'm done caring for you. You're a waste of my time." His words; they burned like a never ending inferno in my chest especially because I knew for a fact that they spoke the truth. The only emotion that ran through my veins was fury.
"I don’t need your fucking help Ashley! You have no idea how I feel to come and tell me that I feel 'sorry for myself'. I hate myself. I'm not good enough for anyone, I'm a fucking loser! If I were to die at this very second, no one would give two damns. And as for everyone who said I was a 'lost case' they can go screw themselves along with you!" Silence filled the room as the tension spread through the air. Ashley rose up, turned away from me and headed in the direction of the door. With a firm hold on the bronze knob he took one last glance over his shoulder at my arms.
"You're welcome." My gaze drifted to my arms that lied on the floor, bandaged. Before I could thank him he had already departed, slamming the door loudly behind him. I had made Ashley resent me, detest me, loathe me. It was what he had said last that killed me the most: 'I'm done caring for you. You're a waste of my time.' He had actually cared for me and I completely destroyed that. I rolled over on my side curled my legs up close to me and wrapped my arms around them, tears leaking from the edges of my eyes out of lament and misery.
I'm drowning. With each day that passes, I am submerged deeper and no matter how much I attempt to escape the wretched waters, I can't. I've yet to meet a person who will stick their hand in and rescue me. But I finally found one, and I let go of his hand; let go of my only hope of survival. I've only encountered those who mock me cruelly by pulling me out and then pushing me back in with no sympathy and those who stand on the edge never noticing my presence beside them. Breathing is becoming more and more difficult and if I'm not salvaged in time, I won't be able to breathe ever again.
I'm trapped in between four walls that are slowly closing in on me from every direction. There aren't any doors, windows or light. I'm suffocating in this darkness and no matter how hard I bang on the walls with my fists, I can't tear them down. No matter how loud I scream, no one on the outside can hear me. I simply sit, arms wrapped around my knees, rocking myself back and forth hoping for my savior to arrive soon. He did, but once again I had let him leave; no I forced him to leave.
Through the eyes of Ashley:
I stormed out of Andy’s bedroom angrily, regretting the moment in which I stepped inside of that hellhole. My fellow band members were all standing in the hallway with looks of astonishment and curiosity.
“Dude what happened? We could hear all that banging and yelling from downstairs!” CC commented. Not wanting to mention what had happened for the last thing I wanted to talk about was Andy, I simply replied with, “Nothing,” I left the three men staring at each other in confusion and headed downstairs towards the kitchen, where I immediately took a hold of the nearest bottle of whisky I could find and chugged it down, enjoying the burning in my throat with each swallow I took. God Ash, what the hell were you thinking kissing Andy like that? You know he’s in a bad state and all you did was make things worse.
“Happy Valentine’s Day Andy,” I tilted the bottle as if proposing a toast then took another swig from the sweet poison.
I felt the sensation of a pair of lips clashing against mine, a feeling I haven’t felt ever since the tragic incident a year prior. Who could it possibly be? My eyelids fluttered open to discover non another than Ashley kissing me, my eyes widening in utter disbelief. Our lips parted from each other ever so slowly, his brown orbs staring directly into my blue ones, curious as to know the thoughts flowing through my mind over his unexpected action. If only he knew of how I craved for his lips to caress mine for a second time... No. I couldn't allow myself to fall into the reins of love again, I refused. It would just result in the same outcome as before; heartbreak, pain, and betrayal.
“Andy…?” I looked away from Ashley, feeling his fingers intertwine themselves with my own, the warmth of his breath against my skin causing the little hairs at the back of my neck to stand.
"Don't touch me." I ordered, pulling my hand out of his grasp, never daring to gaze into his auburn eyes for fear of seeing the hurt that would shine within them. He backed away with an expression of pure despair at my rejection. My eyes dropped to the wooden floorboards below in guilt, noticing that the bottle of pills was no longer there. Instantly, I dropped onto floor frantically searching for the drugs. Where could they have gone?! A scowl formed itself upon my face as the realization of who had taken them came in. Ashley.
“What the hell did you do with my pills Ashley?” I raised myself up from the ground, never taking my eyes off of Ashley, who now pretended to be oblivious to my presence. He sat on my bed chewing on a piece of gum, his arms crossed before his chest as he stared at the ivory wall in front of him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He answered, his voice monotone and uninterested.
“Cut the bullshit Ashley, I know you have them!” Anger was now boiling inside of me, my fists clenched tightly at my sides.
“I already told you Andy, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My patience lost, I attacked Ashley like a wild animal, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket pulling him forward then slamming his back against the headboard of my bed repeatedly.
“I’ve fucking had it with you! Give me my goddamn pills before I tear you apart!” His fist connected with my jaw causing me to fly backward, my back colliding against the solid floorboards. A throbbing consumed my head forcing me to place a hand against my forehead as I became drowsy. The iron taste of blood conquered my tongue. I listened to the sound of his footsteps approach me; he crouched down glaring at me in complete disgust.
"I thought I could have helped lift you off the ground, but I guess I can't. I shouldn’t have even bothered to try. I should have listened to everyone else; you're a lost case. You're too busy feeling sorry for yourself, a sympathy that you don't deserve. I hope you drown in your damn sorrow Andy Biersack. I'm done caring for you. You're a waste of my time." His words; they burned like a never ending inferno in my chest especially because I knew for a fact that they spoke the truth. The only emotion that ran through my veins was fury.
"I don’t need your fucking help Ashley! You have no idea how I feel to come and tell me that I feel 'sorry for myself'. I hate myself. I'm not good enough for anyone, I'm a fucking loser! If I were to die at this very second, no one would give two damns. And as for everyone who said I was a 'lost case' they can go screw themselves along with you!" Silence filled the room as the tension spread through the air. Ashley rose up, turned away from me and headed in the direction of the door. With a firm hold on the bronze knob he took one last glance over his shoulder at my arms.
"You're welcome." My gaze drifted to my arms that lied on the floor, bandaged. Before I could thank him he had already departed, slamming the door loudly behind him. I had made Ashley resent me, detest me, loathe me. It was what he had said last that killed me the most: 'I'm done caring for you. You're a waste of my time.' He had actually cared for me and I completely destroyed that. I rolled over on my side curled my legs up close to me and wrapped my arms around them, tears leaking from the edges of my eyes out of lament and misery.
I'm drowning. With each day that passes, I am submerged deeper and no matter how much I attempt to escape the wretched waters, I can't. I've yet to meet a person who will stick their hand in and rescue me. But I finally found one, and I let go of his hand; let go of my only hope of survival. I've only encountered those who mock me cruelly by pulling me out and then pushing me back in with no sympathy and those who stand on the edge never noticing my presence beside them. Breathing is becoming more and more difficult and if I'm not salvaged in time, I won't be able to breathe ever again.
I'm trapped in between four walls that are slowly closing in on me from every direction. There aren't any doors, windows or light. I'm suffocating in this darkness and no matter how hard I bang on the walls with my fists, I can't tear them down. No matter how loud I scream, no one on the outside can hear me. I simply sit, arms wrapped around my knees, rocking myself back and forth hoping for my savior to arrive soon. He did, but once again I had let him leave; no I forced him to leave.
Through the eyes of Ashley:
I stormed out of Andy’s bedroom angrily, regretting the moment in which I stepped inside of that hellhole. My fellow band members were all standing in the hallway with looks of astonishment and curiosity.
“Dude what happened? We could hear all that banging and yelling from downstairs!” CC commented. Not wanting to mention what had happened for the last thing I wanted to talk about was Andy, I simply replied with, “Nothing,” I left the three men staring at each other in confusion and headed downstairs towards the kitchen, where I immediately took a hold of the nearest bottle of whisky I could find and chugged it down, enjoying the burning in my throat with each swallow I took. God Ash, what the hell were you thinking kissing Andy like that? You know he’s in a bad state and all you did was make things worse.
“Happy Valentine’s Day Andy,” I tilted the bottle as if proposing a toast then took another swig from the sweet poison.
♠ ♠ ♠
I know Ashley's point of view was very short, but I promise to make up for it in the next chapter. Hope you guys like it! :D Also thank you to all the subscribers there are 13 of you now as well as those who leave comments I appreciate it dearly!