Lessons Learned I
Lee 033
Alex and I were sitting on the steps in front of the main building, watching all the students and teachers walk around like dope addicts...or Jason, if you don't wanna get too technical.
Alex sighed as he rested his head in his hands.
"No matter what I do she just doesn't notice me," he mumbled solemnly.
I looked at him.
"Uhh...have you tried actually telling her?"
"I can't tell her, though! She'll think I'm a freaky goon or something!" He threw his arms up in the air.
Italian pride!
"Well...then grab her attention with something. Be as charming, funny and sweet as possible. She'll fall for you, you'll ask her out, you two will date, then get married; have kids and live on top of a huge-ass hill in a matching huge-ass house with a butler and maid to clean up your dog, Lassie's shit."
He gave me a strange, strange look.
"...sorry, too much coffee."
He returned to his original position and sighed.
Four tall, scrawnyish dudes flew past us on skateboards. One of them had shoulder length hair, one had an afro of curly brown hair and the other two were shaggy as hell.
These boys need some serious scissor action.
The shaggy blonde ollied up onto the rail Alex and I were sitting next to and did a tail grind down it.
"Gnarly land, Nick!" exclaimed the shaggy brown-headed dude.
"Fuck yeah!" he exclaimed after landing at the bottom. They all skated toward each other and did some weird handshake.
"Woogie, woogie, woogie, woogie!" they exclaimed stupidly.
"Bunch of asstards," I mumbled. Alex stared at them in fascination.
A crowd of girls seemed to flock around them like pigeons surround a new statue of Theodore Roosevelt, waiting in anticipation to shit on it.
What the fuck am I on to come up with that analogy?
"Slow down, ladies, there's enough Jake for everyone," said the guy with long, black hair.
"Jake?" I snickered.
"Hey, Luke, you better dump your chick to get with some of these hot babes," said the Nick guy. Luke, the afro fucker, laughed.
"Totally, bro."
"Why the hell are they going for those stupid-ass skaters? Bunch of stupid fucks have a panic attack of they can't bring their board into a frickin' cafe." I stood up and put my hands on the side of my face and got a wide-eyed expression. "'I can't bring my board into this coffee joint of gnarliness?! I'm gonna diiiieee!'"
Alex seemed ignored me and stared at the skaters.
"Matt!" Jake exclaimed. The shaggy, brown-haired dude tore his eyes away from the nearest blonde's big jugs and looked at his fellow skate fucker.
"What's up, bro?!"
"I got this chick's panties!" he held up a huge, lacey, pink panties that had "Helga" printed in fancy, red printing on the front.
"Fuckin' righteous!"
"Stupidasses," I mumbled.
"I've got it," Alex finally said.
"What?" I looked at him. He stood up.
"I'm gonna be a skater!"
I gave him a dull look.
"Are you out of your rabbin' ass mind?"
"No! Look at all those girls! There's gotta be at least fifteen over there." He pointed at all the swooning airheads.
"Yeah, and they're all either preppy or suffer mental retardation. Which is kinda the same thing..."
He gave me a dull look.
"Girls notice dudes with skateboards!"
"Pfft, take it from someone who's been on that side of the fence, you don't wanna get into skating," I mumbled. He slowly looked down at me before dropping to his knees.
"Please teach me!" he begged, holding his hands together. "I just want Rachel to notice me!"
"Get up, you look pathetic, Bennett," I mumbled. He slowly stood up. I stared at him for a bit before sighing. "Fine. I'll teach you." He grinned.
"Awesome! Thanks a million. Maybe Rachel will like me and I'll have a shot!"
I rolled my eyes.
"Dude, seriously, she's gonna think you're a moron for trying this."
"Yeah, but what's life without risks?!"
I stood up and grabbed him by the arm.
"Let's go buy you a skateboard so you can go fall over yourself..."
Alex sighed as he rested his head in his hands.
"No matter what I do she just doesn't notice me," he mumbled solemnly.
I looked at him.
"Uhh...have you tried actually telling her?"
"I can't tell her, though! She'll think I'm a freaky goon or something!" He threw his arms up in the air.
Italian pride!
"Well...then grab her attention with something. Be as charming, funny and sweet as possible. She'll fall for you, you'll ask her out, you two will date, then get married; have kids and live on top of a huge-ass hill in a matching huge-ass house with a butler and maid to clean up your dog, Lassie's shit."
He gave me a strange, strange look.
"...sorry, too much coffee."
He returned to his original position and sighed.
Four tall, scrawnyish dudes flew past us on skateboards. One of them had shoulder length hair, one had an afro of curly brown hair and the other two were shaggy as hell.
These boys need some serious scissor action.
The shaggy blonde ollied up onto the rail Alex and I were sitting next to and did a tail grind down it.
"Gnarly land, Nick!" exclaimed the shaggy brown-headed dude.
"Fuck yeah!" he exclaimed after landing at the bottom. They all skated toward each other and did some weird handshake.
"Woogie, woogie, woogie, woogie!" they exclaimed stupidly.
"Bunch of asstards," I mumbled. Alex stared at them in fascination.
A crowd of girls seemed to flock around them like pigeons surround a new statue of Theodore Roosevelt, waiting in anticipation to shit on it.
What the fuck am I on to come up with that analogy?
"Slow down, ladies, there's enough Jake for everyone," said the guy with long, black hair.
"Jake?" I snickered.
"Hey, Luke, you better dump your chick to get with some of these hot babes," said the Nick guy. Luke, the afro fucker, laughed.
"Totally, bro."
"Why the hell are they going for those stupid-ass skaters? Bunch of stupid fucks have a panic attack of they can't bring their board into a frickin' cafe." I stood up and put my hands on the side of my face and got a wide-eyed expression. "'I can't bring my board into this coffee joint of gnarliness?! I'm gonna diiiieee!'"
Alex seemed ignored me and stared at the skaters.
"Matt!" Jake exclaimed. The shaggy, brown-haired dude tore his eyes away from the nearest blonde's big jugs and looked at his fellow skate fucker.
"What's up, bro?!"
"I got this chick's panties!" he held up a huge, lacey, pink panties that had "Helga" printed in fancy, red printing on the front.
"Fuckin' righteous!"
"Stupidasses," I mumbled.
"I've got it," Alex finally said.
"What?" I looked at him. He stood up.
"I'm gonna be a skater!"
I gave him a dull look.
"Are you out of your rabbin' ass mind?"
"No! Look at all those girls! There's gotta be at least fifteen over there." He pointed at all the swooning airheads.
"Yeah, and they're all either preppy or suffer mental retardation. Which is kinda the same thing..."
He gave me a dull look.
"Girls notice dudes with skateboards!"
"Pfft, take it from someone who's been on that side of the fence, you don't wanna get into skating," I mumbled. He slowly looked down at me before dropping to his knees.
"Please teach me!" he begged, holding his hands together. "I just want Rachel to notice me!"
"Get up, you look pathetic, Bennett," I mumbled. He slowly stood up. I stared at him for a bit before sighing. "Fine. I'll teach you." He grinned.
"Awesome! Thanks a million. Maybe Rachel will like me and I'll have a shot!"
I rolled my eyes.
"Dude, seriously, she's gonna think you're a moron for trying this."
"Yeah, but what's life without risks?!"
I stood up and grabbed him by the arm.
"Let's go buy you a skateboard so you can go fall over yourself..."