Something That I Can't Explain

I acked the last of my things from my room holding the yellow picture frame in my hands. I was leaving Florida, my mom, my life just to move up north with my best friend and his band to jump start their career. This picture meant everything to me. It was the day that Kellin and I became best friends and inseperable.

"Tay, you almost ready?" Kellin asked wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head in the crook of my neck.

"Yeah.. I just have to take these boxes down and I'll be ready."

"This picture still gets you huh?" he said kissing my cheek.

"Sometimes. I just can't believe we're actually leaving everything behind."

"Well, not everything. We've got each other."

"Yeah.." I whispered bringing the picture to my chest before wrapping the newspaper around it and sitting it on the top of everything else in the box in front of me.

Kellin and I walked the final boxes down stairs to his car stuffing them in the uhaul. The look on our mothers faces were of mixed emotions. We were mearly 20 going off on our own. They were proud of Kellin and I, but they were scared for us. We weren't going to be anywhere near Florida.

"Promise you'll both call us every single day. We want to hear everything about your new lives."

"I swear mom." I whispered hugging her tightly. "I hate leaving like this, but Kellin and I need each other."

"I know. I'm glad you're going with him. Keep his head out of the clouds and his feet on the ground okay?"

"Alright momma." I said laughing lightly. "I miss you already."

I got in the car and looked at Kellin's wide smile. It gave me hope, courage even. I knew that if we did this together, we could do it. I watched the trees pass us by as we flew up the freeway. We'd be stuck in this car for the next few days since Kellin and I both had a fear of flying on a plane.

Between alternating driving, to eating at random restaurants in small towns the trip was a blast. Kellin did nothing but sing every second he was awake. It was the reason the entire trip was bareable. Kellin had a way of making anything you did fun. You could be doing absolutely nothing and he'd find a way to make it worth while.

"Taylor! We're here!" Kellin said pointing to the large luxurious looking apartments just up the street. I could hardly contain my excitement.

"Kel! We did it! We made it!" I squealed as he pulled into the parking lot the rest of the band standing around their various vehicles.

"Taylor! Kellin!" Gabe shouted as we got out of the car.

"Hi! How was your flight guys?" I said laughing as Gabe spun me around.

"It was flawless. You guys should have flown with us."

"Fuck flying. We got quality car time in good ol' Peggy." Kellin said running the side of his car.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to grab Kel and I's keys from the front office. Do you guys feel like helping us move stuff in since you seem to be done?"

"We got this." Jesse said flexing his invisible muscles.

I weaved between buildings until I found the front office where and older dark haired lady was standing up front.

"Hi, good morning. Can I help you?" she said giving me a wide smile.

"Hello, my name is Taylor Sullivan. I have an apartment here with a gentleman named Kellin Bostwick. We just arrived and I was wondering if we could get our keys?"

"Oh yes! Mr. Toweson left them here for you guys. Enjoy your place, it's one of the finest we have." she said handing me an envelope with Kellin and I's apartment number written in big bold numbers.

"Thank you. Have a lovely day ma'am." I said clutching the envelope like my life depended on it.

I made my way back around the the uhaul where each of the guys were holding a stack of boxes.

"Alright! We're in apartment 508." I said handing Kellin his key while I grabbed some of the boxes.

We spent most of our day unloading the uhaul and setting up our new place with tons of pictures and decor that matched our funiture. Kellin and I had always had the same taste when it came to home design. It was suttle yet loud. The couch had little accent pillow and each picture frame it's own unique design.

I sat on my bed with the last box, the most important box sitting on the edge of my bed. It had the things most imortant to me sitting inside. I opened it carefully sitting my yellow picture frame on my night stand and setting the three letters on my pillow putting everything else away. One letter from my little sister Dalilah. One letter from my mom. One letter from the man who might have well just donated his sperm to my mother. I knew better than to read my mom or Dalilah's first so I tore open the envelope from him.

Dear Taylor,
I know you probably hate me, and I'll never completely understand why. I feel I did what was best for you when you were growing up. Not a day went by that I didn't think about you. I love you. As your father, I only want to see you happy. I convinced your mother to let me write you this letter since you decided you do not want to have any contact with me for you life.

I didn't chose the life I was handed, but i stumbled on the way through it. Your mother, You, and Myself were all very happy the first year and a half of your life. Or at least I thought we were. I know I didn't do right by you or your mother but I'd like to change that. If you wish to respond to this letter, I'd love to hear from you and hear how your life is. Attached is my phone number and address. I love you very much Taylor.

Love,
Your dad.

"Tay.. Are you alright?" Kellin whispered walking in to hold me while I sobbed into his shirt holding the letter out in front of us. "Oh god Taylor. I'm so sorry." he said noticing it was from my dad.

"He can't do this to me.. He's been out of my life for nineteen years Kellin. Nineteen fucking years I didn't know who my dad was or where he was. He never called or emailed me until my mom told him I was through with him and I was moving up here." I managed to get out wiping my face.

Kellin's face was solid, calming, his eyes reaching into mine to stop the flow of tears.

"He's not worth your tears love. He's a dead beat just like my dad. That's why we have each other and our moms. We're better off without those guys. They didn't know us anyway."

Kellin pulled me back into his tight embrace kissing the top of my head until my breathing got to a steady pace again.

"Now, if you're up to it the guys want us to go out to this restaurant for dinner with them. I can tell them we're staying home though if you're not up to going."

"No, I need to get out tonight and clear my head." I whispered kissing his cheek. "Thank you though."

"Alright. Get ready. We'll be waiting for you." he said winking as he walked out the door making my heart skip a beat.