Falling for You Was Out of My Control

Jessie's POV
The only thing helping me get out of bed in the morning was the dog’s enthusiasm to go for a walk otherwise I was more than happy to sleep away the morning in my big warm bed.

I got to my lecture on time and when Ian walked in with a smile on his face and headed straight for me I knew things would be ok.

“Hey,” he whispered as he took the spot next to me.
“Hey,” I sat up feeling a little better to have his company.
“Look I am sorry about Anna and all that she is just upset that you are replacing her with your new boyfriend.”
“I could never replace Anna,” I laughed as that was the dumbest thing I had heard.
“I know that’s what I told her.”

“Alright guys!” our lecturer walked in to start class.
Mr Williams was a cool lecturer, he was ok with us talking as long as we kept it low and not for long. He let us use our phones, eat chocolate, I was going to miss him when the semester was up.

“So I thought Liam had gone away?” I leant over as I continued to write notes from the big screen in front of us.
“He did but he came back.”
“Well duh, but why?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “he’s still not quite the same.”
“I don’t think he ever is going to be.”

It was the first time I had talked about Liam and not had an issue. Usually I would break down in tears but for the first time ever I was talking about him like he was just some person.

“Has he got a girlfriend?”
“No the guy is still trying to get over you.”
“Shit, well I am sorry but he was the one who pushed me away.”
“I know, I know and I don’t expect you to go back to him, no one does.”
“Good, but I feel bad for the guy, he has nothing left. How did I get away from it so easily?”
“He was just unlucky I guess. It’s not your fault though, so don’t go blaming yourself, you weren’t the drunk guy driving the other car,” he put his arm around me shoulders and pulled me into his side.
“I guess,” I sighed letting my head fall onto his shoulder.

Ian was such a nice guy and Anna was lucky to have him. He always had a level head, always knew what to say and kept Anna and my antics to a minimum. I had definitely missed them all.

“Hey you want to come out to lunch?” Ian asked as the lecture finished and we were heading out.
“But Anna…”
“Don’t worry about her, she will be secretly happy to see you.”
“Ok I guess I could.”

Ian being Ian tried to race me there but there was no way I was getting pulled over just for bragging rights.
“You know what? Stick it!” I shoved him in the door.
“You suck!” he continued to brag.

“Hey guys look who I found,” I stood awkwardly at the end of the booth waiting for them to accept me again.
“Hey,” Anna smiled and I felt like I could finally breathe. I knew Anna like the back of my hand and there was nothing fake about the smile she just gave me.

“Sit,” she ordered opening her arms up for me and pulling me in for a hug, “I am sorry about the other day. I just miss you.”
“I know,” I looked down feeling slightly ashamed, “I miss you too. But I promise no more of it. Once a week it’s just me and you.”
“Really?” she looked as excited as a little kid whose mum just let him pick his favourite candy from the store.
“Yes,” I laughed at her enthusiasm.
“Good because between you and me these guys have been driving me up the wall. I was going to have to start murdering them one by one.”
“Well we can’t have that… or maybe just one of them,” I looked down as Liam walked in.
“Jessie,” she slapped my arm in disbelief, “be nice.”

I could feel his gaze on me all through lunch and I would have felt a lot safer had Evgeni been here. He would have held me close to him and whispered reassuring words in my ear to keep me distracted. But now I was all on my own trying to hide from him.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom and it was one of those moments that I wished Anna had come with me because as I walked out into the hall to go back to the table I was stopped by his large frame.

“Liam?” I looked up at him and back away.
“Why did you do it?” he questioned.
“Do what?”
“Why did you leave me? I was all alone without you,” he put his arms out.
“Liam stop,” I put my hands on his chest.
“Jessie,” he looked at me with his sad eyes and I could feel him tearing down all of my defences.

“Just once more,” he cupped my cheek, “and if you feel nothing I understand.”
“Liam I can’t I have Evgeni and I love…”
“Shhh,” he put his finger on my lips, “you don’t, you are only saying it because you are blinded by who he is.”
“No,” if he kept this up I was going to fall, I was going to give up to him because it was Liam and that was what Liam did to me. I had no control around him.

I didn’t get a chance to register my thoughts before he was pushing me up against the wall and his lips were on mine. But I felt nothing. All previous control he had on me was gone. I felt nothing.

“Liam stop,” I pushed him back, “I love Evgeni,” I stood up with confidence, “I love him not you, you ruined your chance when you pushed me away. You let me go and you aren’t getting me back.”