Falling for You Was Out of My Control

Jessie's POV
“Are you ok? Do you want me to come over?” it was nice to have my best friend back because this was exactly what I needed her around for and exactly why Evgeni would never completely replace her.
“No thanks I am ok.”
“Are you sure?” I knew she could hear the uncertainty in my voice.
“I don’t know, he wasn’t himself today was he?” it was the first thing the doctors told me, that he wasn’t himself and he might never be himself again.
“No, he has his bad days and good days and today wasn’t a very good one.”
“Maybe I should talk to him, you know when he is having a good day.”
“Jessie,” she sighed, “don’t do this.”
“I am not,” I defended myself, “maybe the only reason I didn’t feel anything was because I was scared, too preoccupied to feel anything.”
“Don’t, you’re going to ruin what you and Evgeni have.”
“But…”
“If you play the what if game with Liam and ruin what you have with Evgeni you are going to be forever playing the what if game with him too, don’t do that to yourself.”
“I don’t know,” I sighed, “look I have to get going.”
“Alright, just don’t do anything dumb.”
“I will try not to,” I hung up before she could say anything else.

“What are we going to do you two?” I looked at Jeffrey and Sebastian as they looked at me with a hint of disapproval.
“God you two are such downers sometimes,” I headed into the kitchen and found a bottle of whiskey waiting for me on the bench.
“I really need a drink right now,” I grabbed the bottle and a glass and headed back into the lounge room.

Evgeni had been beating me and NHL 13 a lot lately and I wasn’t happy about losing to him anymore so I used my time to practice. Drunk gaming with my brother was always fun so I was sure I could make it just as fun on my own, right?

“OH COME ON HE SLASHED ME!” I jumped up off the couch in protest thinking it would really help yelling at the ref through the tv.

My arguing was soon disrupted by someone knocking really loudly at the door. I had been talking to Anna and she was worried about so I just assumed it would be her and Ian coming over to check on me.

“Jessie,” he stood in front of me drenched to the core from the rain that pattered on the roof, his hair was a mess and water rolled down his face where it fell at his feet on the porch and a little puddle of water was forming.
“Liam?” I was quick to sober up at the sight of him.

This time something was different. He looked calm to say the least, he looked… he looked like the old Liam.

“Can I come in?” he shivered, “I made a mistake today and I want to apologise.”
“Um sure, just take your shoes off first I will go grab you a towel.”
“Thanks,” he stepped inside.

Sebastian perked up when he saw him and ran over to great him, “Hey Sebastian, gee you’ve gotten big since I last remember.”
“Well he was only a puppy back then,” I handed over the towel, “here, the bathroom is just in there,” I pointed to the first door in the hallway.

My heart stopped when I saw him walk out with just a towel on his hips and I felt like suddenly I couldn’t breathe, as if someone was drowning me.

Jeffrey stood by and watched on growling at him as the half-naked, unfamiliar man walked out into the dining room.

“Jeffrey shhh, be nice.”
“That’s a big dog,” Liam looked rather intimidated by him.
“Yeah he’s Evgeni’s.”

“You know what I think I might have something,” I headed into my bedroom to sift through the things in my wardrobe because I couldn’t handle seeing him in hardly anything any longer.

“Hmm, so you guys like live together?” he looked around at all the stuff that was in no way mine.
“Sort of, his parents are over from Russia so they are staying at his house and he is staying here.”
“Oh cool.”
“Here,” I pulled out a box with his things in it, “after the accident it just kind of stayed here. You should probably have it back.”
“Thanks, I guess,” he put it on the bed and sorted through it pulling out a pair of sweats and a jumper.

We went back into the lounge room and I offered him a drink of hot chocolate. It wasn’t as good as Evgeni’s hot chocolate but it was going to have to do.

“Jessie I am sorry about before I was just, I don’t know.”
“Anna explained but that doesn’t really excuse your actions,” I sighed falling back onto the couch.
“I know, I don’t know what is wrong with me anymore,” he sat down.

“What do the doctors think? Will you get better or is permanent?”
“They don’t know, you know how they never give you a straight answer. They keep telling me every case is different and all that crap,” he sighed looking helpless.

I couldn’t help but feel bad for him as he stared at me his eyes begging me to help him. Begging me to be there for him.
“Liam I am sorry,” I put my hand on his arm feeling the heat radiate from his body.
“It’s ok you weren’t driving the car.”
“Yeah but I should have stayed, I shouldn’t have given up on you so quickly,” I sighed feeling so guilty.
“It’s not your fault,” he looked at me and caught my gaze.

His eyes were telling me how sorry he was, they told me how much he needed help, how much he needed me and I couldn’t deny him that.

His hand was placed so innocently on my thigh but this time he was so careful, he was the Liam I fell so hopelessly in love with all those years ago.

“Liam,” I gulped knowing it was wrong but wanting it in all the same. I needed the affection, I didn’t need it from him but for some reason my body craved it.

This time when his lips pressed against mine I felt my body give into him. I felt every muscle in body relax as he pressed me back onto the sofa.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he moaned.

Jeffrey began barking and growling. You didn’t have to be dog to know he was telling him to back off. It was then that my brain just flicked back on and I was pushing Liam off of me.
“No Liam I can’t. You know maybe if Evgeni and I weren’t together I would but I can’t do this to him. It’s not right,” I panicked as I climbed to my feet.
“Ok,” he hung his head in shame, “I am sorry.”

I sent him on his way with his half dried clothes and box of things meaning that maybe I could finally let go of him.

One side of me wanted him to stay, I wanted to be with him again but the other side of me knew it was wrong and knew how much I loved Evgeni for everything he had done for me. He would never hurt me and that alone made me get rid of Liam.

“What have I done?” I sighed sitting on the lounge room floor with the dogs.
“I am never drinking again,” but in that moment I snatched the bottle from the coffee table and down more than my share to make me feel better as Sebastian curled up next to me with his head in my lap.

“Don’t you judge me?” I narrowed my eyes at Jeffrey who sat with his eyes narrowed back at me.
He huffed a little whine and walked off, his way of telling me screw you.
“Yeah well screw you too buddy!”

What now I am arguing with a dog? What is wrong with me? Maybe I am the one losing my mind around here.