Falling for You Was Out of My Control

Evgeni’s POV
“Evgeni come on,” Jessie stood at the doorway with her arms crossed.
“What?” I looked up from where I was sitting on the couch.
“Say goodbye to the dogs, we have to get going.”
“Oh,” I got up and walked over to them sitting in the middle of the foyer clearly not happy with us abandoning them again.

“We not be gone long,” I petted Jeffrey on the head as he stared back at me with his big puppy dog eyes.
Sebastian whined and nudged my hand, pushing into my side and looked up at me with his just as painfully cute eyes.
“We really have to go?” I looked to Jessie who smiled softly back at me.
“As much as I don’t want to leave them, yes,” she came over and knelt down next to me putting her hand on Sebastian’s back, “now come, we will be back before you know it.”

I hated leaving the dogs even though we would only be gone for three days rather than a month, it was still hard. I guess this was how it was going to be when it came to leaving Andrei for road trips only ten times worse.

I had never been nervous while getting on a flight to go back to Russia, until now.

No matter how tightly I latched onto the arm rest my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Even when Jessie put her hand on my arm and tried to pry my hand away I wouldn’t budge. I was terrified.

“Why don’t you go wash your face?” she suggested running her hand over my forehead, “it will make you feel better.”
“Ok,” there was no sense in arguing something I knew would do me some good.

I got up and walked to the back of the plane feeling people staring at me as I did. I know I looked like a zombie and when I looked in the mirror, my suspicions were confirmed. Between the nervousness and the terrible air circulating air in the plane I was feeling worse for wear.

I splashed my face and took a deep breath before going back to my seat.
“You ok?” Jessie grabbed my hand as I sat down with a huff.
“Just nervous,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Don’t be, everything is going to work out fine,” she pulled my head down onto her shoulder.

I went with it, letting Jessie run her hand through my hair effectively calming the stirring feeling in my stomach

I had been ok with the idea of adopting before but now it was making feel nervous. All the other guys who had kids had their own, they had at least nine months to prepare themselves for it, we didn’t. What were we going to do when he grew up and asked about his parents? What if he didn’t want anything to with us after that? It was all just a bunch of what ifs making me worried about something I shouldn’t be.

I guess I never really expected that this was how my life was going to be. I always imagined getting married and having kids the normal way. Not adopting, not going at it as if we would miss out on something. I just thought after living my crazy life that maybe I would have something that would be normal for once.

“Evgeni wake up,” I felt Jessie’s soft lips press my forehead.
I opened my eyes and to see her smiling back at me. I didn’t cure the doubt in my mind but it helped me realize why I was doing it. For us, Jessie and I. I had never loved someone the way I loved her and I wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. I wanted something in her life to be perfect. She had been through enough after Liam and part of me felt like it was me job to help her. After all she spent every day of her life by my side encouraging me to be the best I could.

She slipped her arm around my back as we waited outside the airport for a taxi to our hotel.
“Are you feeling any better?” she massaged the middle of back just enough to ease the tension there.
“Yeah a little bit,” I shrugged my bag off my shoulder so I could wrap my arms around her.
“Are you sure there isn’t something you want to talk about? You have been really quiet,” she looked up with a concerned face.
“It will be ok,” I dropped a kiss to her temple.

I didn’t want to worry any longer. I wanted to have Andrei in our arms and be at home where everything would find its way to be just the way I wanted.