Loved You First

Mae stared at Sean with wide eyes and she felt like she was going to throw up. She had no idea that she and Niall would come up in Sean’s conversation with Liam, and she never thought Liam would say anything about it. There was nothing awful to hide about her and Niall’s relationship, but she knew it looked bad for her to keep it a secret and for Sean to hear it from someone else. She wasn't sure how Sean would have reacted if he found out about the serious relationship that Mae had with Niall. But now she knew.

“Liam told me the whole entire story,” Sean stated as he shrugged his shoulders. “How you all met through Doniya and you and Niall dated the whole summer. He said you two were pretty much inseparable and he may have mentioned the word ‘love’ in there a few times,” he said, using airquotes. “It doesn't upset me that you two had something together, Mae. It upsets me that you thought hiding it would be the best option.”

“Sean,” Mae said, a sigh escaping her lips. “I didn't want to hurt your feelings.”

“Hearing something from Liam, which is something that I should’ve heard from my girlfriend hurts my feelings, regardless of what it is,” he commented.

“I thought that it would ruin the summer, I guess,” she explained. “I didn't want you to know about our relationship because I didn't want your mind to wander when I was with him. I didn't want you to think that I was going to cheat on you or something. We broke up, Sean.”

“He broke up with you, so that doesn't mean anything for you,” Sean replied as he stood up from where he was sitting on the bed. “And you've ruined the summer by not telling me what really is going on here, Mae. And as for me thinking that you were cheating on me, what do you think I think now? You were with him all night and I have no idea what goes on between you two.”

“I haven’t done anything with him, Sean. I swear,” Mae said quietly as she felt her eyes well up with tears. “I would never do that to anyone, especially you.”

“But do you have feelings for him?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders as he stared at his girlfriend. “Do you want to be with him? Because if you want, I can catch a flight home right now.”

“Honestly,” Mae said, her voice slow and cautious. “Sean, I’ll always have feelings for him… I've never felt that way before towards someone.”

“So, that means me included, right?” he clarified as he pointed to himself. He nodded his head, sarcasm filling his voice. “That makes me feel really good, Mae. I’m here just because you couldn't have him.”

“That’s not it,” Mae snapped as a tear ran down her cheek. “Why can’t you just understand, Sean?”

“Because I would never do this to you, ever,” he answered, his tone softening. “I would never go behind your back like this and lie to you, or hide the truth because I thought it was best. I can’t believe you did this to me. You assumed I wouldn't understand and look where that got us.”

“I’m sorry,” she frowned as more tears ran down her cheeks. “I didn't know this would happen. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Mae,” he mumbled as he looked down at the ground. “I’m hurt and disappointed, but I don’t hate you.”

“I don’t want you to leave, though,” she whispered as she looked up at him.

“I think it’d be best if I do,” he said. “Maybe we just shouldn't be together anymore. I honestly don’t want to hold you back from being with Niall.”

“Stop,” Mae cried. “Don’t say that.”

“I’m not saying you should be with Niall because I’m mad at you,” he said. “ We've been friends since we met, and this is me speaking to you as a friend. I think you should be with him if he really makes you happy. I don’t want to be here just so you can wonder what it would be like if you could really be with him.”

“You don’t even know everything,” she said as she wiped at her eyes.

“I heard enough from Liam to know that you really do care about him,” he replied. “I wish I could make you happy, but I can’t. “

“Sean—“ Mae began before she was cut off.

“Just please leave,” Sean said as he pointed to the door. “Goodnight, Mae. I’ll talk to your parents about leaving in the morning.”

+

“Wow,” Doniya said after Mae told her the whole story from last night. “Do you think he’s going to leave?”

Mae shrugged her shoulders as she stared down at the sand she was sitting in. This morning she got out of bed before everyone else so she wouldn't have to see Sean. She wanted to talk to Doniya about the whole thing because she knew Doniya wouldn't judge her if she was in the wrong.

“I don’t know what he’s going to do,” Mae said as she scooped up a handful of sand and let it fall through her fingers. “I’m kind of scared.”

“What did Liam tell him?” Doniya wondered. “Are you mad at him?”

“No,” Mae replied honestly. “I’m not mad at him because he didn't know that Sean had no idea. And as far as I know Liam told him everything that happened during the summer.”

“Well, I guess just let Sean figure things out for himself. If he wants to leave then he wants you. You probably won’t be able to change his mind, especially after everything he found out yesterday,” Doniya stated as she looked over at her best friend. “But doesn't that make you happy so you can patch things up with Niall? Aren't you two having so much fun?”

“Yeah, we are having fun. And I do still care about him and have feelings for him,” Mae answered. “But I still feel guilty for putting Sean through all of this. I brought him here to help me get over Niall, not to hurt his feelings and send him home. My plan wasn't for us to break up, and it makes me feel awful.”

“Well, everything happens for a reason,” Doniya commented. “And if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

Mae nodded her head in agreement because she knew Doniya was right, but that didn't mean she still didn't feel bad for what happened. She wanted Sean to still be her friend and she still wanted to keep in touch with him, but she didn't know how that would work out after him leaving feeling bitter. She knew Sean understood because he was always understanding, but she knew he was hurt. She knew he wanted her to be happy, even if it was with Niall. And that’s why she always liked Sean, because he was so understanding and he always made sure that Mae was happy when they were together.

But even if Sean treated her like a queen he still couldn't make her feel the way Niall made her feel. And that’s what she wanted. And even though she was upset, the more she thought about Sean leaving the more relaxed and content with the summer she became.