Seize the Day

"Kimmy, what happened?" Brian asked, standing in the doorway. I just shook my head as my tears kept falling down my face. "Come on, lets get you inside," he said quietly, placing an arm around my shoulders. He guided me into the living room and sat me down on the couch. He sat next to me and just looked at me. He looked worried.

"Hey... what happened?" he asked quietly.

I wiped my cheeks and sniffled. "If I tell you, you'll hate me," I mumbled, looking down at the carpet.

"I could never hate you Kimmy. Come on, tell me what's wrong..." he said, keeping the same soft tone in his voice. He moved closer to me and placed his hand on my back as I sniffled again.

"Zacky left me..." I said as I looked over into his eyes. He nodded his head in understanding.

"For good? Or what?..." he asked.

"I don't know. But he's mad... really mad..." I whispered, my eyes starting to well up with tears again.

"Awwh come on Kimmy. Please don't cry, you know I hate to see you cry..." he said, reaching a hand over to brush the tears from my cheeks. "How come he's mad at you?"

"Cuz I was pregnant. Cuz I was pregnant and got an abortion and I never told him," I said, tearing my gaze from his eyes. I was ashamed and I didn't want to see how disappointed he was in me. He didn't say anything for a while. I didn't expect him to. There's not much a person can really say after something like that without sounding like a major dickhead.

"When did that happen?" he asked quietly.

"When did I get pregnant? Or when did I get an abortion?" I asked, with a funny sound in my voice. My nose was getting stuffed up from all the crying.

"When did you have the abortion?" he confirmed.

"You remember that day where I skipped half a day of school about two weeks ago cuz I claimed to be 'sick'?" I asked, looking over at him. He nodded his head. "That's when. Oh my God Brian, it hurt so bad," I cried and broke down into tears again, remembering not only the physical pain but the emotional pain as well. The emotional pain of feeling like a murderer.

"Shh... come here..." he whispered and he pulled me so I was sitting in his lap. I wrapped my arm around him, clutching to him for dear life, and put my face into his neck, crying my eyes out. He just sat there and held me, rubbing my back lightly with his hand.

"It was terrible Bri. I never want to have to do that ever again," I mumbled amidst my tears.

"Its alright. You don't have to... you don't have to..." he whispered as he placed his chin on top of my head. He just held me in his arms, lightly stroking my back, until I was finally able to calm down. After awhile I was okay; as okay as I could get at that point; and I placed my hand on the side of his neck, lightly rubbing my thumb across his skin. I always found Brian to be a comforting person, even growing up when we got involved. He always helped me out and kept an eye out for me. It was almost like he was my big brother, always looking out for my well being.

"Thank you Brian," I whispered into his neck.

"You're welcome," he whispered back. I liked how he didn't need to ask what I was thanking him for. He was always able to do that when we were younger too. It was amazing that after two years we still had that bond.

"You know what I could use right about now?" I asked into his neck, feeling a sly smile trying to surface.

"What's that?" he asked back. I could hear in his voice that he knew what I wanted.

"A nice stiff drink," I said with a small laugh afterwards. He chuckled along with me.

"Alright, but just one. I don't need you getting drunk," he said. I got up and sat on the couch next to him.

I pointed my finger in the direction of the kitchen. "Well, hop to it slave boy. Go make your master a screwdriver," I said.

"Hell no. Go make it yourself," he laughed as he got up and headed to the kitchen to make himself a drink. I got up and followed him.

"But you make them so much better than I do," I whined. "Pleeaaaaase Bri-Bri. I'm desperate," I said giving him the puppy eyes.

He laughed at me. "Alright. Take a seat, master," he joked. I hopped up onto the bar in the room that separated the dining room from the kitchen, which the Haners used as their dinner table. I swung my legs while I watched Brian get into the alcohol cabinet.

He pulled out the vodka and Jack Daniel's and then walked to the fridge where he retrieved the orange juice and Coke. He set them down on the counter next to me, and pulled out two glasses from another cabinet.

"Oh come on Brian. You can do better than that. Get out the big ones," I said. He looked at me and smirked before he put the glasses back in favor of two larger ones. "Good boy," I smiled at him, and he got to work on making the drinks.

"....Where's your family? The house is like dead quiet..." I said, now just realizing we were the only ones there.

"Uh... Dad and Suzy dropped off McKenna at my grandparents' house, and then they went 'out', and Brent is staying at a friend's house," Brian explained as he walked over to me with the drinks. He handed mine to me and I took a sip.

"How come you're home all by yourself? You should be out chasin' tail," I said, smirking at him.

He shook his head slowly and looked at me. "I was too worried about you. I was scared shitless about you. I couldn't get my mind off of you..." he said, getting his voice down to a whisper.

"I'm sorry I made you worry about me... I'm all better now," I said and leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth. I pulled back and we sat in silence as we drank. I saw as Brian was looking down at the bar I was sitting on that a smile crept to his face.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just remembering," he said, the smile still gracing his lips.

"Remembering what?" I asked as I sat my glass down on the wood next to me.

"... Body shots... on this table," he said, grinning slyly as he nodded down at the bar.

I laughed. "I remember that.... Do you think your parents ever found out that we fucked on here?" I asked. He laughed and shook his head.

"Not that I know of. If they did find out, they were probably too embarrassed to ask me about it..." he said as he looked at me. He set his empty glass down next to mine.

"Oh! Dude! You will never guess what I found. Come on..." he said as he pulled me down from the counter and dragged me up to his room. I sat on his bed as he searched quickly through the drawers in his desk.

"There it is..." I heard him say, and I saw him pull a CD out of the drawer. He turned on the stereo, placed the CD in, and put it on a certain track before he pressed play. He turned to look at me as I listened closely to the song. It didn't take long to recognize. One Headlight by The Wallflowers.

I looked at Brian in shock. He smiled. "You remembered this was my favorite song?" I asked. He nodded his head once.

"How could I forget?" he asked quietly. "I mean, you only used to make me listen to it all the time," he joked. "I found this CD when I was cleaning out my room a couple weeks ago. Its yours. You left it here once..." he said after.

I smiled at him. "Start it from the beginning, put it on repeat, and come sit with me," I said quietly, and he did. He situated himself against the wall behind me and I leaned back against him.

"So long ago, I don't remember when. That's when they say I lost my only friend. Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease. As I listened through the cemetery trees. I see the sun coming up at the funeral at dawn. The long broken arm of human law. Now it always seemed such a waste, she always had a pretty face. So I wondered how she hung around this place," I sang softly as Brian wrapped his arms loosely around me.

"Hey, come on try a little. Nothing is forever. There's got to be something better than in the middle. But me and Cinderella, we put it all together. We can drive it home. With one headlight," I continued to sing, and could hear Brian singing it softly in my ear. I smiled. This brought back fond memories. All thoughts of Zacky were completely pushed from my mind. All that mattered in that moment was me and Brian.

"She said its cold, it feels like Independence Day. And I can't break away from this parade. But there's got to be an opening, somewhere here in front of me. Through this maze of ugliness and greed. And I seen the sun up ahead, at the county line bridge. Saying all is good and nothingness is dead. We'll run until she's out of breath, she ran until there's nothing left. She hit the end - its just her window ledge.

"Hey, come on try a little. Nothing is forever. There's got to be something better than in the middle. But me and Cinderella, we put it all together. We can drive it home, with one headlight..."

I rested my head back, so my cheek was resting against Brian's, and closed my eyes.

After a couple minutes I felt something crawl into my lap, and I heard Brian laugh quietly to himself. I opened my eyes to see a cat sitting in my lap, its blue eyes burning into mine. It was all white, with traces of a very light orange on its tail. I reached out and pet it.

"I didn't know you had a cat..." I said with a smile as the cat rubbed its face against my hand.

"We just got him. He's McKenna's." Brian told me.

"Awwh. He's so cute. What's his name?" I asked as I continued to pet the cat.

"Q-Tip."

"Q-Tip?" I laughed as I turned to look at Brian.

"Yeah. McKenna named him. I just call him Q though..." he said, laughing along with me. I looked back down at Q, who was rubbing all up and down my legs.

"Awh... Q loves me," I cooed with a smile as I stroked the cat's fur.

"I love you."

My smile slowly faded. "Brian..." I started to say, and I turned so I was facing him.

"Kimmy... I love you. I always have. And I know you don't feel the same way; I know that you love Zacky. But... I just can't stop thinking about you... Just... give me one night; that's al I ask for. I just want one night that I can call you mine..." he whispered, placing the palm of his hand against my cheek.

I sighed and looked in his eyes. He really did love me. Of course I loved Zacky with all my heart, but after what had just happened I wasn't sure what we had anymore. Brian was like my best friend and I loved him like one would love their best from. I sighed again, still looking in his eyes, and nodded my head slowly.

He slowly moved his hand from my cheek, and cupped my chin as he leaned down and slowly pressed his lips against mine. He pecked my lips a couple times before he slowly slid his tongue in and moved it against mine. He kissed just like I remembered he did two years ago, and it drove me insane. I moved my hand up to the back of his neck, lightly tugging on his hair. He pulled away from the kiss and moved me off his lap. He got up from the bed and headed for the door. I was confused now. But then he flicked the light switched by the door and the room got dark. I smiled as I saw him walk back over to me. He crouched on the bed in front of my sitting figure and leaned in, capturing my lips in another kiss. He pulled away and quickly pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it down on the floor. I sat up fully and pressed my hands softly against his exposed flesh, enjoying the feeling of his skin beneath my fingertips.

His hands were shaking as he moved them down to my sides under my shirt. I smiled softly at him in reassurance, and he slowly pulled my shirt upwards until it was completely off. He dropped it down onto the floor next to his, and brought his lips to my neck, teasing the sensitive skin with his tongue. I moaned quietly into his ear and he slipped his hands behind my back. I felt him toy with the clasp of my bra before he undid it and dropped that to the floor too.

He seemed nervous. Brian Haner Jr. was nervous.

I took his right hand and placed it on my left breast as I leaned up and kissed him. I grabbed a hold of his belt and started to undo it as I felt him gently pushing me down onto my back.

"Brian..." I moaned as he thrusted for the last few times. I felt another orgasm hit me, and his hit him as well. He placed his forehead against my chest as he moaned deep within his throat, and I felt his body twitch a couple times. He finally withdrew and laid down, his damp skin rubbing against mine. He laid his head on my chest as our breathing started to drop back down to normal. We'd just spent the past two hours making love. Three times, if I kept track accurately.

I felt Brian move his head so it was resting in the crook of my neck, and his arm draped itself over my stomach.

"Don't get yourself too comfortable, baby. I gotta get back home..." I whispered and started to sit up.

His grip on me tightened. "Nooo... Please don't go yet. Just wait until I fall asleep..." he mumbled against my skin.

"Okay," I said quietly as I gently pulled my fingers through his hair.

"Kimmy...this might sound stupid but.. sing me to sleep," he said into my neck.

I smiled softly as I gazed up at the ceiling. "Alright. I can do that..." I said and then realized 'One Headlight' had been playing on repeat the entire time. So I picked up in the song and started to softy sing.

"Well this place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck. I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn. Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes, this place was always such a mess. Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn. I'm so alone, I feel just like somebody else. Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same. But somewhere here in between the city walls of dying dreams. I think her death, it must be killin' me.

"Hey, come on try a little. Nothing is forever. There's got to be something better than in the middle. But me and Cinderella, we put it all together. We can drive it home. With one headlight," I finished, and I could feel Brian's steady breathing indicating he was asleep.

I sighed and slowly eased him off me, placing him gently back on the bed. I gathered my clothes and went into his bathroom, quickly turning on the shower and getting in. I cleaned myself up, got out, and put my clothes back on. I walked out into Brian's room, and he was still asleep. I slowly walked over to him and placed a soft kiss on his lips, before I left the house.

As I traveled down the front walk of the house, I heard a rustle in the bushes. I looked around and nothing was there, so I shrugged it off and started on my way back to Zacky's house.

I just couldn't shake this feeling that I was being followed...